I have no creative genius

I am sorry that I have been a horrible host.  I haven't made drinks for anyone, prepared NOMNOM snacks or have even said hello. 

HELLO!!!

This past week has consumed my ability to prioritize, think and even appreciate those around me as much as they deserve...MR.INSATIABLE..I am sorry. 

I haven't stayed awake past 10 each night, I have been burning both ends of the candle and I am trying to keep my head about - but some days you just dont.  Anyhow, this brings me back to today.

This is the first day of my VACATION!!!!!  I am really excited, as we have no official plans, just to relax and enjoy as much time with the kids as possible...and then send them to day care through the week.  Mr. Insatiable and I will likely mate like rabbits, sleep in and generally do all the things we haven't done in 6 years since having children!  I AM SO EXCITED!!  I am also pumped as I will be painting the living room and some other things around the house.

Anyhow, a boring, non-sarcastic or witty post today but now that I have time to think and relax - you never know what will happen!!!

xoxo  Danon

Feelin Frisky?

I am perhaps a little prude when it comes to certain subjects but when it comes to

gettin it on'
becomes a grey line.

I should perhaps preface this post by saying no, I am not looking for ideas on where Mr. Insatiable and I can get down on it --- well...maybe, but before posting this idea, I took my quest for wonderment to my friends and facebook. 

HOLY schnikeys I have some friggen awesome friends and I think now I know why they walk with that extra pep in their step.  Quite simply I asked the question: 
Where was the weirdest place
you have done it? 

The response I got was overwhelming and shocking!  I am actually surprised as some - didn't question it for other's and some people weren't too original - but perhaps that was simply because they have no imagination - creativity - or they just don't want to get caught.  At least here, anonymous comments exist...maybe things will change.

Anyhow, so on my quest for more information I stumbled upon this amazing site The Frisky.  The link you will reach will leave you questioning and perhaps thinking about how you would manage to do this...or in awe of those people who have already done the deed here.

I think that for myself the best place happened to be in the stretch limo we were in right after our wedding ceremony.  I am laughing now just thinking about it... "I do" do you? "I do" now let's do it.  We went for a drive in the limo after the ceremony..you know just to breath.  All that time spent organizing, planning and everything you literally need a moment or so to decompress...well...that's not all but I am sure you get the drift. 

Me personally, I can't say that I am all about the PDA or the thrill of getting caught.  Sometimes I am just that girl who doesn't care where, when or why, but GOD DAMN it when I want something...I WANT IT.  Mr. Insatiable is pretty much the same...the kitchen table, stairs...that's nothing...but when I asked my friends, and found out that in a church while Sunday school was going on...(no, it wasn't with one of the kids in attendance - I asked) or the fact that one of my friends went to the park and had her way with it I just wash gob-shocked.

I am still in research mode though...and ya know what? I want to know??? Where is the most ridiculous place you have knocked da boots?

The Frisky's list was quite adventurous I'll have to admit - I have listed it below...

1.The zoo NOPE

2.Behind a waterfall YUP - Honeymoon
3.Work utility closet Nope
4.Ladies Lounge At Radio City Music Hall Nope but maybe in October...
5.In the woods Nope
6.Police mobile unit Nope
7.Kitchen (counter, floor, restaurant, against the refrigerator) YUP, YUP, NO, YUP
8.On your desk at work NO
9.Public transportation (bus, subway, taxi, water taxi, ferry, trolley) NO - and I don't think I could
10.On the floor Yes
11.On a grand piano (à la “Pretty Woman”) NO - but that would be amazing
12.On a roof  Yes...the roof...Mr. Insatiable do you remember that!!
13.Playground (note: not when kids are around, please!) No, and now that I have kids, I wouldn't ever
14.On a boat/dingy/catamaran No
15.Golf course at night  Nope but I am not much of a golfer
16.In a room with mirrors  Yes, but not with one of those circus places..
17.In an airplane restroom No, I remember when we were on our honeymoon, there must have been an instant where we both looked at each other, giggled then didn't
18.On the beach Yes
19.On a bear skin rug (bonus: in front of a roaring fire) In front of a fire - Yes, no bear skin rug ---
20.In a tent Yup
21.In your childhood bedroom Yes
22.In a body of water (river, lake, creek, ocean, puddle) Yes
23.On the hood of a car No...I don't think so
24.In a department store dressing room No I tend to not like those mirrors
25.In an elevator No
26.On a staircase 'giggles' Yes
27.On top of the washing machine while it’s running Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeees
28.Bar bathroom HELL NO..they are dirty
29.In your parents’ bed  No comment. 
30.In a field at sunset (bonus: a corn field or on a barrel of hay)

So now that I have exposed all...what have you got to say?!

Moments


"Life is filled with so many exciting twists and turns. Hop off the straight and narrow whenever you can and take the winding paths. Experience the exhilaration of the view from the edge. Because the moments spent there, that take your breath away, are what make you feel truly alive."  Stacey Charter


There is a Chinese proverb that states when soul mates are born there is an invisible thread that is tied to each of them.  As the years go on that thread pulls you closer and closer together until the day you meet.  On the day that Mr. Insatiable and I were married, his mother read this proverb from a beautiful card she had given us in celebration of our engagement. I cherish this moment.

Your heart is pounding, palms sweating, butterflies are churning in your stomach....and you question your symptoms. "what is wrong with me?"  "why am I feeling this way?"  "Could he be THE one?"

I remember the moment our threads were pulled close together...our first kiss, falling asleep in your arms...crying into your shoulder...

There are things in my life that I will never forget.  These things carry me through the days where I can't go on; the days that I need to cry and the days that I need a hug and you aren't there to give one to me.

Our first kiss is one of those moments. It was about 4 in the morning when you finally looked into my eyes and it was like it was written.  Your hand slowly held the back of my neck and when your lips met mine, something happened like we were froze in our own moment in time.

Moments that hold your spirits high.  Moments that allow you to step outside of yourself and know that there was one defining moment that you were truly blessed.  Moments like when you held me to console my loss.  Although I have remained slightly fractured since she made her exit, you have always kept her spirit as close to me as I keep her.  Although I wish I didn't have such memories, when you held my hand at her funeral I knew that it wasn't just my loss - you shared in that pain too. 

I have more moments stored away for another day that perhaps I will share them with you today.  My heart is yours forever and always.

How to get your Feet Laid

I don't know what it's called when you have a sincere dislike for something; like it totally creeps your creep...but because fetish can be good and bad this is the title for today's shenanigans.

I don't love feet.

I especially don't love ugly feet.

I don't really love pretty feet either, but it's better than fucking ugly feet

So far are we on the same page????

Ok...so I am a pretty big observer.  I like to watch people and also reactions.  I am also big on making the biggest; grandest reaction possible as it will likely deflect attention to the hairdo that I have/size of my ass/ or fact that I haven't slept properly in 6 years...  I also can't hold my eyes away when they are drawn to a monstrosity like


FUCKING UGLY FEET.

Case in point.  I was walking today, as I do occasionally...not a leisure walk, but it was from the store back home.  I noticed these people were walking by me, and I sort of tend to be looking down so that I don't trip or kill myself.  Anyhow, so fugly 1 and fugly 2 were walking and I saw man feet that were amazingly taken care of.  I think I could see a glistening of the recent application of moisturizer.  Then I see heinous lady feet.  I wanted to ask if she had a problem with her vision...I mean, her toe nails were gnarly, there was dead skin by her nail beds and it was rank.  I got all of this from a 3.2 second walk-by. 

People with feet.

Please follow this as an example of what to do. 

1. Always exfoliate your feet.  They won't look like death and they will likely feel great.
2. Trim your toe nails please.  No one wants to see "Dumb and Dumber" feet.  NO ONE...not even you!
3. Please try to once in a while push your cuticles back...if you don't your nails will look horrible.
4. After you bathe, apply moisturizer.  Again showing your feet some love will make you like them more.

WOMEN

1. ALWAYS ensure you take the time to get a pedicure at least once every two months...if not once a month.  This is a great way to get away from your life, sip cocktails, and have someone paint your toes...they may not speak English and also may talk to their colleagues about how nasty your feet actually are, but they will smile at you and tell you how beautiful your feet look when they are done.
2. ALWAYS paint your nails.  Why wouldn't you?!  Men find it more appealing, you will likely love your tootsies more and will want to take care of them if they are pretty.
3. If you suffer from BAD SMELLING FEET (men and women) please don't think that people can't notice this.  They do.  You have smelly feet...and not all of you are Italian so, you have to own this.  Make sure that you are always washing your feet (this sounds like a given, but smelly foot vandals don't always do this).  Wash your shoes.  Carry talcum powder with you...you can actually get a great smelling brand too...this will help for those moments when you are at a persons house and have to take your shoes off...please excuse yourself, use the rest room and tend to business.

NOTE***************  This does not mean stick your feet in their sink and wash your feet with their bar of soap*******That would be considered worse than your fucking smelly feet.

Lastly, show your tootsies some love...get a massage, ask your partner to massage them. If you put his ____ in your mouth or if he expects you to do it again, guess what....they can rub your fucking feet.  After all they will smell great, feel amazing and look hot!!!  He'll be ready to do more than rub your toes after this.

See...aren't these super cute???  Currently my toes are painted "What's New Pussy Cat" it's pinky red and I love it...it makes my feet super cute and super sexy in heels.


When swallowing isn't so great...

Why am I so forgiving?

i don't understand why I am so forgiving...does it mean that I am a
weak person and let people walk over me, or does it mean I am
         strong for being able               
    to put it in the past...I don't think there is an answer..

There are many things that have occurred to me, around me etc and I have this inhumane capacity to tolerate bullshit
As we know life isn't easy and often people get hurt, hurt you or ending hurting others without realizing it.  I am here with scars on my soul so deep that you would think I am the most jaded person out there....but really I am not.  I just swallow my pride a lot.  Bite my tongue. 

Hold my cool.

Sometimes I wish that I could learn to stay mad or angry but I can't.   Call me a good person?  Maybe...I do make mistakes daily.  I am a bitch constantly...but one thing, I can't hold a grudge and stick it.  There have been many experiences in my life, where I have been so low - so hurt and so embarrassed, that you would think that I was done with it all...finished with all those people who made fun of me. Took me for a run,
lied,
stole or hurt me.  But, I am still here...and so are they.

Times where I have been so
humiliated and ashamed
to hold my head up.  I wonder what is in me that makes me still to this day, almost ignore all of the residual hurt and shame which still allows me to function.  I haven't really ever forgiven those who have hurt me so bad...instead I have over looked it, swept it under the rug and charged ahead.

Perhaps that's the secret....I deal with things, I say whats on my mind (you all should know that) but when it would end up hurting someone even more;
I just swallow
my pride.  One time where I actually do, and it's not really good for me.

When looking at myself now, and am trying to improve myself along the way, I wonder if this is a part of me that should change or not?  Should I keep swallowing or spit out this nonsense? 

What do you think...do you spit or swallow?



(Your PRIDE...dirty piggies)



What Kind of HOT am I?

PMS is taking over my life.

I have been staring in the mirror for the past 22 minutes analysing every bit of myself...I have just done my nails and hair and I have makeup on, so I feel pretty good.  I am trying hard to find more reasons to love myself and I have been searching for the moment where I say "I love myself because I am hot

This has yet to occur, 24 minutes have passed.


I started to wonder who the HOT police are?  Why haven't they banged on my door yet and WHO THE FUCK told them they were sooo hot?  Oh, you did?

I have been on this roller coaster ride called life, and for the past year I have been trying to improve myself, find my inner diva and make some changes along the way.  I have lost weight, gained weight, gone from blond to brunette to blond.  I have been up, down, side to side on the emotional scale and still manage to maintain some grasp of this reality.

Well...I want to know...How are people classified as hot?  What kind of hot are we?

I think it would have to start with your own style for one.  I wish I was one of the trendy urban/BoHo chic chicks; but I am not.  My favourite accessory is my pair of Silver Jeans.  I am that girl who rarely has the designer labels or the trend-setter.  I do on occasion knock some threadz outta the park though...

Anyhow, in search of my inner HOTASS, I am also trying to find new styles, try different layers/textures.  I am continuing on my weight loss journey and have started to see a difference again.  Mr. Insatiable has noticed a difference also...

I wonder, what kind of hot does he see?  Does he see my 19 year old self where my breasts held their own ground?  Does he see me when I didn't have the mummytummy or the additional inches across my waist?  Does he remember those days where I would come home in my skirt suit and fishnets....or does he see me know?  And does he like it?

The good thing is...he does.  Its taken me a long time to appreciate each and every wrinkle; laugh line; stretch-mark...but you know...I'm that kind of HOT!  Laugh lines and all...28 minutes in, and I have found it.  All you have to do is accept who you are, and instantly you          allow yourself to see your true beauty (the one that's inside radiating out).

What kind of HOT are you?

I QUIT!!!!

We received the following photos last night from a person who works with this girl. Her name is Jenny (not confirmed) - we're working our contact for Jenny's last name. Yesterday morning, Jenny quit her job with a (flash)bang by emailing these photos to the entire office, about 20 employees we're told. Awesome doesn't begin to describe this office heroine.

This was originally posted at www.thechive.com





































































Silent

I haven't had many words for the past few days.
I have fallen silent.

Words have been a way to describe how I feel; however, right now, I am so unsure I just don't know what words would fit.

I decided that as part therapy and part intrigue, I would read the new "Post Secret" book...suddenly I had a thought or feeling about every post card that I read and wondered, what would my "post secret" be?

I haven't hid things from my family/friends/spouse
I haven't secretly lusted after a life that wasn't mine to want...I have just endured.  Perhaps this is what it would be...

I want to know, has anyone ever sent in their own Post Secret?  Would you do it?  If you post your secret, do so anonymously but please do so....perhaps if I figure out one, I will too.

What if?



Settling for any less isn't anything one would dream of. 
Hold tight to your wishes and dreams for soon
they fade and leave you wondering...what if?


SITS Girl in the Spotlight

If you don't already know, I love to meet new bloggers and I totally love when new VIPs enter this section!  Now, The SITS girls are trying new and amazing ways to feature women more frequently and the SITS Girl in the Spotlight is how they are tryin to mix up some new cocktails! 

I just submitted for this and hadn't vlogged in a hella'long time, so here it is...


Please go check out the SITS site where you will find you more about the SITS Girl in the Spotlight.  Why not join in the fun and enter yourself.  Not only does this mean you own time to shine, but think of how many amazing bloggers there are out there...and you get to sit amongst them and read some stellar blogs. 

If you are new to this site, please stay and let me know what you would like to drink.  If you have been here before, then you know where to find everything...please make it yourself.




In Your Eyes...


I love my eyes.  They can tell you everything about me.  Every time I cry, my eyes turn grey - they also get really glossy and then puffy.  The day after I cry I look like a strung out crack-head.  My eyes are the window to my soul.  When you look deep into my eyes, you know that there have been days where I have laughed my heart out; days that I have seen amazing things.  You will know that when I smile I am full of joy and happiness.

When I am hurt, you know that although I can look into your eyes and tell you I am fine...I am really not.  There are many times where I have hid behind my pride and had to be the bigger person.  That's really what life is...being the bigger person.  Right?

Some days you can see every single happy memory that I have!  Each day that I have laughed until my belly aches and had tears in my eyes.  Every time you look into my eyes you know that I have loved my family with everything that I have! Everything that I am!  You know that I am loved....

When you look into my eyes, there are signs that some days have been longer than others - that there are days in my life that I would like to forget --- weeks...months and especially last year.  I know that although my eyes have seen sadness and heartache - that they have witnessed injustice and disrespect.  My eyes have aged over the years, sometimes they look like my mother's  - tired, seasoned and jaded.

When you look into my eyes you see me.

What do people see when they see you?

WTF Wednesdays -


It's been a long fuckin time for this one bitches!

I know that I have been worlds worst blogger when it comes to consistency, sending the message daily etc; however, I am getting better.  I will say that I have the ultimate WTFW for you.

When I was in grade school...like the 2nd grade I was in a split class.  This was when they didn't have enough people for a full class they put the smarter kids in the lower grade in with the slower kids of the grade above.  Grade 2.5 was really great not, it was fucking horrible like many of my years  You see, I have this thing with my nerves.  When I get stressed, nervous or anxious I tend to have these things happen...call them symptoms if you will.

Hot flashes
Cold Sweats
Head Ache
Shaking in wrists

these things all aren't as bad, but they are the indicator that something wrong is going to happen.

It ain't gonna be pretty or girlie either.

So, on days when I wasn't at school 15 minutes before the bell, or at home when I was supposed to be (again 15 minutes before due) I would get so stressed about time.  Like this fucking bomb was going to go off and have my heart explode.  I have never understood where this all came from but its real and it still happens. thank fuckin god not to the degree it was before.

I remember one day, I was in class and it was a hot dog day.  You remember those days, when you forked over $2.00 for a stale bun, over-cooked dog and a shitty doughnut.  Yah...them days.

I remember I stood up, to go get my stale doughnut and all of a sudden, lightening struck. 
I totally shit my pants.

There aren't words to explain how mortifying this was.  The worst part was it wasn't like something you could try to clear up.  No, this was rank, explosive crap in my pants and my teacher heard me...before anything else, I had tears in my eyes and tried to fight them back.  The good thing was (well... I don't really know how good this was ...but I am a positive person...so we'll call it the silver lining of the poopy pants) that she knew of my "issues".  Instantly she grabbed my bag and called my mom.   While I was never sure if other people actually knew what was going on, I always had that feeling like no one else deuces...you're the only one.  I felt literally like crap because I would leave early on a weekly basis at least once.

I never had any disease or anything...I just couldn't control my fucking nerves.  Now, this type of thing still happens.  The good thing about being an adult is that you know when it'll happen.  It usually when you are looking forward to do something really fun/special.  When you wanna get a piece of ass or when you are at work/in the car stuck in traffic or other opportunities where you would be left to deuce yourself.

Occasionally, I feel like I will puke or crap, and I get confused as to what to address first.  Luckily I can read my symptoms well enough to make the right choice.

I can't tell you how infuriating this is.  How embarrassing that it gets when you have that urge..or rather, your body has the urge to spring clean your insides out. 

Anyhow, so on that day...when the teacher looked at me like she knew I was going to explode or had just.  I remember this kid standing beside me.  I remember that I never really talked to them that much and I also remember that after I stopped crapping my pants (1/2 way through that year) I transferred schools.  Today, now some 23/24 years later I get an email on FaceBook.

"Danon...I think you may be this girl I went to school with at ______ _______ public school.  were you the girl who crapped her pants and then transferred schools?"

I. just. crapped. myself.
(no..I swear I didn't but what the fuck?!?!?!)

Did this person know that I had been searching for a good WTF story to bring this meme back??? Who fucking asks that?  Like I don't have enough scarring from this emotionally and socially...

Dear FuckWad...I think you may have been that douche bag I went to school with at ..... .....  Weren't you that guy who got caught masturbating in the janitors room?  Yeah, I thought you were!


Tastes Just like Chicken

Remember when I started this adventure of blogging???

I know many of you don't because none of you had any sense back then.  I thought that I wanted this adventure to be about food and my cooking with the kids...(sadly it's not as fun as my life -- but I do cook daily with the same amount of passion as I blog...just minus the swears).  Anyhow, so I talked about food and made great meals for my family...and blogged about it.

Well, the kids are getting older now...you know, they are helping more and Sophia can make her own sandwiches now...(seriously this is hard for me to grasp).  Anyhow, so tonight we are all sitting down for our dinner and we were talking with the kids about their favorite foods...you see..with me any my ass getting in gear I have devised a plan to plan my meals for the week and I totally want the kids buy in...thus making them me bound to the food I make.

The girls say the things that they love the most...mommy's salmon or tilapia; chicken; vegetable lasagna etc.  But when it came to the dood he said "chicken".

"What kind of chicken" I ask him wanting to know if this kid even likes the food I cook..."Rib chicken, fish chicken, steaky shicken"  I am totally clueless as to what this means...but had the fondest memory of Bubba in Forrest Gump talkin bout his shrimp.

It got me thinking about how we as parents introduce food into our children's lives...do we tell them everything that's in the meal or do we just say "it's chicken" so they eat it...

I know me personally, I tell the kids because we are in the kitchen a lot together and they are always with me grocery shopping.  It's hard to lie to the kids and I think that the less pre-conceived opinions about food we give our kids, the less pickier they become.  I always encourage the kids to try something just once before they say anything about the food.  Then take a second bit to make sure you know...(kinda like how I buy wine...1 bottle to try it, the 2nd bottle is to confirm and the 3rd to have again or finish that night

I asked the dood what he thought about chicken the food.  he said "its good momma.  i like it all the time because, um, its tastes healthy ...and you make cous cous"  if you don't speak 3-year old that is "mom your food rocks and it's delicious! I love your cous cous the best"

Mr. Insatiable and I further discuss the "chicken" taste.  With him being a chef, he also has to deal with people's pre-conceived opinions about food and how it should/shouldn't be cooked/taste etc.  Salmon to me should be medium/medium rare- while the majority of you may scoff at anything under VERY WELL DONE.  I feel that a fish with the head on is something to excite; while I know others are disgusted with the dead fish head on their plate.  Medium Rare cow -- Yes please!!  Carpaccio..totally!!!

I really am not picky when it comes to how someone wants to prepare my food...I'll try it.  The best thing that I have ever eaten, that I was totally unsure of was when Mr. Insatiable and I celebrated our 1 year wedding anniversary.  We went to this restaurant called Via Allegro where Mr. I's mentor and former Chef had worked.  He told us to order the Jewels of Lamb so we took him up on the idea.

The next thing we knew, a beautiful plate was brought forth with 3 little "meat-balls" prepared with lentils and a chocolate-amarone sauce of some sorts.  I can't quite remember the other things that came with this, but I remember the look on Mr's face and it was sheer ecstasy.  Obviously, I say.."how is it??!!"  the satisfaction was instantaneous.  My next question immediately followed "can I have some?"

I took a bit of this "slider", the chocolate/amarone sexy food was in my mouth and it was amazing.  The server came over and asked us if we were enjoying the starters...and totally we were!

"tastes just like chicken!"  we chime happily, intoxicated by the food.

"Great, you know they're lamb balls right?"

Book Teaser

I got the inspiration from Jenn aka The Ex Hot Girl who got it from Beth... and she got it from Buffy..but I didn't get to Buffy's blog yet....


Rules:


* Grab the book nearest you. Right now.
* Turn to page 56.
* Find the fifth sentence.
* Post that sentence (plus one or two others if you like) along with these instructions on your blog or (if you do not have your own blog) in the comments section of this blog.
*Post a link along with your post back to this blog.

Was Shazzer.
"Oh Shaz" I said miserably starting to blurt out the story.
"Stop right there" she said before I got so far as the oriental boy.

Bridget Jones - The edge of Reason
Helen Fielding

Now little whores...what are you reading???

Oh Holy Matress...Serta be thy name

It's Sunday today...but I am in the habit of pre-posting or planning, so you have already seen a post from me at 6:00 am.  Call it what you will; however, with the schedule that I keep, its almost necessary that I am funny for 3 hours on Saturday and 6 hours on Sunday....Monday - Friday you are getting me RAW!  This is also the first time that I had used the Posting Options before...when you can decide when your post with be updated.  While I feel that it does take a little bit away from the actual feeling..I think it just does that for the author...the reader still can understand.

Anyhow, so on this fine Sunday morning...I get this phone call....it was 6:54 am.  ON SUNDAY!  The call was from my father.  Now, a little history here...father isn't so involved in our life.  We are related, true and he does share my DNA; however, since my mother and he separated when I was 12, it's not been the same relationship that one would typically have with their father.

I still am always longing after his approval and it literally makes me sick when I can't tell him how I feel about something or how he embarrasses me when he treats people rudely etc.  Well...it's come to a breaking point with my feelings towards him because he missed the kids birthdays...I am not pouting because they didn't get gifts...THIS IS SERIOUS... he didn't call, show-up...anything. 

I do call  him still weekly, and feel that the parenting job that this answering machine does makes up for a little bit of the lack of his presence; however, it's a little unfair.

We have lived in our new place for almost 2 months...he has been invited here several times also, but he has yet to step in the door..sit down, break bread!! ANYTHING.  No, rather he would like to call 3 minutes before showing up with 2 cakes he baked for the kids birthdays ( a month and 2 days late on Sophia's and 21 days later for Lucas') at 8:30 pm at night on a Sunday.  Now, far be it for me to cut someone up when they make a cake for someone, but really...do you not think that calling ahead would be something that would be preferred?

No.  Let's show up in the pouring rain, (have your family welcome you in with coffee, food and to see the kids you haven't seen in how long???) no...just stand on the stoop, throw a walmart bag at each child and leave.  True Story.

The next moments made me sick to my stomach because Sophia asked me "is Grandpa mad at us?  why wouldn't he stay?"  I did every justice to him at that moment, explaining that he was so excited to give you the cake and present but knew it was so late on a school night that he had to leave...(P'cha!)  No, it was because he is an arse!

Anyhow...I had left messages and informed him that when inviting yourself over, it's totally fine...we are family and my door is always open; however, could he please try to keep the "kid" visits to when they are awake and plan them with something called notice?  He agreed.

....(this takes us back to this morning)

So I answer the phone..."Hello" I say knowing who it is, being just woke up by the phone so early
"Hel-lo!" he sings into the phone ( cuz he's a freak like that)
"goodmorning (yawn...grumble grumble)....what's up?" i am trying to hold back my enthusiasm really.

"the suuun is up, darling!"  again, with the fucking singing.  what's with this guy???  He has never been like this...anyhow... he asks to talk with the kids. (this is code for I am going to ask your kids to do something and then they will get excited and I will have to forge my pride and say "OK"....

Sophia takes the phone..he's sing/talking to her too..but she's 6 and digs that shit. "would you like tooo go tooo church with me?"  I can see that the fact he is talking to her is making her smile bigger than I could ever imagine he would be able to.  He is also likely dancing like a grateful dead bear...she loves the idea and tells him "OK pop-pop I'm gonna get dressed now"..Immediately, I sit up.  "Soph, what's up...what are you doing?" 

I take the phone from her as she is floating like a bubble to her room to get ready.."what is this?"  he tells me he wants to take the kids to church..all 3.  This from a man who has never been alone with my 3 kids by himself.  From a man who tells children amazing things like, "let's bake cupcakes together tomorrow" and doesn't call or show up. 

Seeing my kids faces with disappointment and broken is something that I will not let happen.  I had to deal with that daily...not them.  I told him "if you are serious then you better show...also, what happened to notice?"

"well..it's not even 7:00 am yet, and I'll be there at 8:30 am:"  NICE. it's an hour and a half notice...I guess it'll have to do.  "So, are you just taking So, or are you taking Bella?"  I ask almost wishing he would say just Sophia....but no.  He explains how he is the father of 4 kids, and that he wants to take all 3.  I couldn't help but laugh.  I mean, he is the father of 4 but the age gaps between my eldest sister and youngest sibling is 13 years...and between each of us it's 4+ years...really Dad..it's not the same.

Anyhow, I explained to him that I think it's great that he would like to take them but as he isn't a consistent figure in their life (literally he pops in and out of their life like those ground-hogs in Whomp-Em)that taking the girls would be fine and that perhaps if he saw the kids more and I knew they were comfortable with him then another time all 3 could go.

He disagrees but finally realized "they are your kids Danon...you do what you want, but I know I would be fine with all 3"  Like he was pouting or trying to prove me wrong..whatever, I have no time for mental games..it's too early, I haven't had caffeine and I am literally turning into the Sahara as I am so dehydrated.

The girls are both bobbing up and down with giggles and excitement right now...I can't tell you how happy this makes me...I just know that this feeling follows with the hurt of being lied to.  Promises broken, things left changed.

I am now sitting here, worried that something is going to go wrong...but I can't help it!  I am worried that he will say or do something to offend..or promise them each a cloud and hand them a lemon as his gift.  My girls surely don't take kindly to rudeness and I have taught them to call out a lie...but would they do this to someone who they clearly hold on a pedestal like I do??? 

I can't help but freak out right now, as in my girls eyes, I am witnessing some sort of surreal review of my childhood....and it's fucked up!  He says they will be home by 11:30 or 12:00...so let's see what happens.

Is it wrong to doubt your parents?  What about when collectively they are the source of every single bad decision you have ever made?  You know when you are growing up and you think "I'll never be like that"...yah..this is why!!!!

We aren't even that religious...and his first outing is Church?  I think that the girl will really enjoy it though...but they have been baptized Catholic and my father is Presbyterian.  Mr. Insatiable and I both believe; however, we feel that you don't have to go to a certain place of worship to believe.  We know there's someone there...cuz keeping our life as it is, our marriage strong it's gonna take more than some sexy lingerie and sultry looks.  We know who's there.

But back to the choice of Church for his first outing...I think at least it's a safe option.  Maybe I need to pray or something:

Oh Holy Mattress
Serta be thy name
Thy coffee's on
Thy breakfast done
In the kitchen, as it is where you cook.

Give me this time, to think and blog
And forgive me from cursing.
Also forgive those fuckers who curse at me.
And lead my mind not, into thinking negatively
But deliver some good news soon

For thine rhymes with wine
And the power will be glorious
Forever and ever
Good night.


Sass Crass with a touch of Class


Que sera sera
What ever will be; will be...
The day is not mine you see...
Que sera, sera....

When I was just a little girl...
I thought my life would end perfectly.
Will I be rich no
Will I be pretty hells ya
Here's what the truth turned to be.....

When I was young, I fell in love
I asked Mr. Insatiable what lies ahead (I was so worried he'd lie to me)
Will it be easy? Will it be fun?
He said "for sure"
Just to get me to bed...

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Just keep lying to me...

Now we've got 3 kids of our own
They ask us both, what will we be
Will we be traumatized, from your parenting?
I tell them tenderly....

Who do you,  think that you are?
We have no answers for you right now....
We are still trying. To figure out..how to grow up our selves..

Now, when I think my job is done....
Sombody asks something of me....
Will you do laundry? Will you flog me?
I reply joyfully

Go to hell right now!
The laundry can wait, you see..
The flogging can't be seen cuz they would be traumatized for sure!
Get out of my house! to flog yourself
Get out of my way!. and go outside and play!

Now its time for me to go
And stop pretending that I dont care.
Will I get through the day? Will I survive?
Thank god there's a bottle hiding.

Oh, my life's a JOY!
You all wish you too had this..
The secret to eternal bliss..
Vent your fant-sanities on your blog....

Hold your tongue and count to ten...
Have a shot and just re-laaaax.....