Tag; You're It!

- Tuesday, December 29, 2009

I haven't played tag in like 20+ years..but today I was tagged by my Aussie-Friend Whoa-Mumma in this little game and have to oblige. I hope my tag-ies are able to play because this is pretty fun!
10 Things that make Me Happy
1. Hugs, the perfect snuggle from the kids or one of Dan's bear hugs totally makes my day.
2. Apple Martinis, Baileys, Coffee, Diet Coke, E_, Fosters beer, Gin n 7, Harvey Wallbangers, I__, Jack Daniels with Coke...oh the alphabet of drinks I could sing... Wine, Rum n Coke, Pink Lemonade, Margaritas, Mojitos all just to name a few.
3. Really great movies! Ones that make you laugh, cry, giggle, hope, dream everything! My favorites are Grease, Shawshank Redemption, Power of One, 500 days of Summer, Scent of a Woman, Good Will Hunting, Lord of the Rings, Finding Neverland, PS I love you and Because I Said So.
4. Morning nookie! Nothing says I love you like a ____ in the morning!!
5. Going out for dinner...a little weird I know, but I love the excitement of what I will have; what I will pair with it, who is cooking....really, its a mild addiction.
6. My seistor! Especially now, that she is not within a drives distance, she makes me soooo happy to hear her voice, to joke around with her and to hear her laugh.
7. My family. The hubby, kiddies, kitten...everyone. My happiness comes around when we are all together.
8. Grocery shopping...again, random but to select your produce, meats...everything is just amazing. I also put buying flowers in the same category because a usually goes with b.
9. Being able to talk to my girls...even though we don't see each other much, no matter what it is, they are always there. Our conversations usually last an hour or 3 but it's full of laughter and it puts me at ease.
10. My blog. For real, I didn't think that I could do this! I thought that I would give up or not even meet friends or anything...and its unbelievable the power that the bloggy-sphere holds. I have met sooooo many great people and really can't wait to get home each day for the 1 hour I allot myself to read every one's posts...I hope they see when they are tagged!
Thanks for playin and here are the next tag-ees.
I hope you all are great and find a few or 10 things that make you happy.
Peace out!!

twothousands

- Monday, December 28, 2009

In the year 2000 I had just turned 20... 20 is an age that really can define who we are. I had just moved back home to be closer to my family and boyfriend. 20 was the year that I worked every day and partied every night..no jokes. I met some of my closest friends when I was 20 and I learned to love entirely with my whole self. 2001 was the year that I wanted to have more fun that in previous years. We travelled, visited friends, laughed some more and became completely and utterly sure that I was going to marry Dan. In my heart of hearts, it was a sure thing and the questions hadn't been asked or answered until December 24, 2001. It was likely the most impressionable memory I have of Dan and I before we had children. The proposal happened so quickly, with swear words, physical violence and then one of the most sweetest things ever being said. I still get goosebumps when I think about it now. 2002 I tried to have a career job; a 9-5 job; a job that would pay for the wedding of our dreams. I worked each day and dreaded the next; however, if I could do one thing it was fake it until I looked like I made it. And I did! I made it...saved a ton of cash; and after moving into the house of my future in-laws, was tried, tested and sure that he was the man for me. 2003 Was chaotic. I was married at 23 years old. I was married at 23 and completely happy...because I had no plans of going back to my adult job after the month that I took off from work for the wedding and honeymoon. We traveled to Jamaica, and I fell in love with hot sauce, red strip, jerk chicken and the sun. We saw many of our friends get married also...one wedding stands out more than others though...because I got pregnant! I know it doesn't sound romantic and gushy, but sometimes when a boy and a girl have a few gin and 7s and she happens to look amazing, one thing leads to another and 10 months later (ya I said it 10) you have your first child. 2004 Life as a mother, wife and woman searching for answers. I am your mother Sophia. I am supposed to be here, to guide you, to teach you and most of all- by far the easiest of all, to love you unconditionally. In one moment after seeing her precious eyes, I knew that she held my world in her gaze. She held my heart with every breath and she kept me from feeling afraid that I would mess up. Instantly she made Daniel shed the shadow of Peter Pan; she held his world tightly in her hand; she held his heart with her breath and she whispered "I love you's" with the batting of her eyes. 2004 was the year that I thought it was going to be ok...until I celebrated my birthday and ended up pregnant again. My life was spinning around again and I wasn't sure if it was morning sickness or sheer terror. 2005 became a year that is still to this day blurry; foggy and confusing. I think I must have been really focused on each and every task because I can't for the life of me remember. I went back to work as soon as Sophia was 6 months, and worked full time and as much as possible. My pregnancy didn't allow the natural progression of life. I was interrupted several times with hemorraging, pain and traumatic experiences. I recall going into labour a few times within the 34th week of my pregnancy. She was born early. I remember that day and never will forget. My water was broken, 5 minutes later, my mother was standing in front of me ready to catch her, Daniel was out for a much needed cigarette and I was hating the epidural they told me later wasn't working. I know that I pushed 3 times and guessed that she would be born at 4:26 am and she was...I held her in my arms for only a second until they took her out of my arms and rushed her into the nursery.
This was the moment I knew I could kill another human being...the Lioness protecting her cubs. My roar could be heard through the entire forest-and they all knew I had to know what was going on. Thankfully, she was fine but wasn't breathing very well. She had a little rattling in her chest and she also was lacking in colour. My little dove was swept away from me without one instant of allowing me to gaze into her eyes, and having the chance to grow another heart for her to hold. She finally came back to my arms 7 hours later, after the epidural ended its course and allowed the one leg it did freeze to walk; after I had cried myself into an awake state of calm; after I had screamed at everyone around me and after my husband was able to say "hello". We finally had our family reunion, where we just sat all in his arms breathing her baby scent in, counting her fingers and toes; being held by her grace. Isabella was here.
2006 was the year that I knew something had to give. Having 2 children under 2 is incredibly busy, scary and hard. The rewards far outweighed everything that scared me as a mother; gave me insecurities as a woman and baited me like a habit. They were every where...a room full of noise suddenly sounded as calm as the ocean when they laughed. The darkest, dullest day brightened instantly when Sophia started to talk and I heard her say "Daddy". The worst days of Isabella's health issues were lightened with her smile and just how happy her eyes were. These big, beautiful blue eyes with so much life and happiness in them...just captivated me...and still do.
2006 was tragic. The strongest woman in the world I knew, left this world. Her grace and poise has been embedded on all the lives she touched. She captivated us all with her laugh, her sense of life and her value of family. She held our hearts with her last breath. She still takes my breath away when I think of her and my heart aches and falls apart with each memory. I wouldn't take this pain away because that is how I know she was real and it's the closest to hearing her laugh each time I cry.
2006 was supposed to be the year that I didn't get pregnant right in a row, and we did everything possible to not get pregnant. I was on the pill, we used condoms and when the condom broke, I went to get the morning after pill and still ended up in the hospital on June 2 (4 weeks early) pushing for 5 minutes until he was here.
2007 became the year I grew into motherhood.
He is the reason why love stories are written.
He is the one man in the world that could take me to this place in "love" where there isn't anything he could say or do that would make me stop caring. Not saying that I don't unconditionally love the girls; but when you have a son, it's your only chance to make the perfect man - and you want to be sure that you do everything in your power not to mess this one up.
He held me with his smile the moment he was in my arms
He held me with his breaths, as if I was as light as a feather.
He carried my spirits when they were low and instantly brightened them.
He was healthy, happy and affectionate when I needed a snuggle.
The day that he said "momma" I cried for almost an hour and am welling up with that very thought.
The day he was born, Daniel's dreams came true.
Daniel now has someone to carry his family name along and teach the values of our heritage, culture and to grow into a great father, just like he.
Daniel's eyes were passed along to him, and it was like looking at Daniel when he was a child.
His grandparent's life was complete with the girls - or so they thought. He held their hearts with his smile and his laugh.
She didn't get to meet him - and I know she would have been just as in love as I. She knew his name, and that he was coming and I know that if she met him, she would have been held in his heart forever. Now she is just a memory that we keep playing over and over in our hearts and minds...one that he will never completely understand; even though every time we pass by her grave he tells her he loves her. Love without first sight.
2008 was a changing year for me. I started a new job, left my babies behind for someone to take care of and mold.
2008 he took his first steps while I was at work; he took his first steps while his father only could imagine it.
2008 was the year that my first born angel started school.
I was a mother of a school-aged child.
I was a mother of 3 angles; miracles; little glimpses of my childhood fantasies of what being a mother would be like.
I had not only a husband to be a wife to; I had 3 children to teach, love and cherish...how would I do this all?
2009 is a year of uncertainty and even now, at its end I am uncertain.
There are many things that I know:
I know that my family is the most important thing to me.
I know that my husbands love is the one thing that keeps me grounded - even when I feel upside-down - I know that he loves me.
I know that I grew a new heart with each of my children's births and that no matter how big or small I am physically, these hearts are the biggest hearts anyone has ever seen. They are the yottabyte hearts of the anatomy.
2009 has had many successes in careers, and personal relationships and in my marriage.
2009 is a year that I can not wait to put this all behind me and look on to a new decade; a new age and a new hope for the next 10 years.
I can not change the past, I can only live for the future. The clock is running. Make the most of today. And remember that time waits for no one. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a gift. That's why it's called The Present!
I wanted to share this with you because after reading Just a Titch's decade in review, I realized just how far I have come...and how far there is to go - and I can't wait.

Merry Christmas to all and to all.....let's get drunk!

- Friday, December 25, 2009

Well the day is finally here! We are all likely to be tired, broke and ready or already consuming our individual soul food. I am actually sitting here drooling over the aromas at my families house...the turkey, ham, potato's with chorizo...maybe it's the wine....er martinis....er wine. Who cares!!! All I know is that sitting at the family table on Christmas makes life worth all the downs and ups.
It is this time that I love to sit back; reflect and give thanks to my family and friends for not abandoning me and also sit here and realize that we are so very lucky to have each and everyone in our lives.
My children for making us smile each day and laugh until our bellies hurt; my husbands family for being there constantly and also for my family for never leaving one day boring.

Amen and may the wine gods bless you all...

(subnote: this post had actually been created on December 25; however, something peculiar happened, I got a little tipsy and forgot to hit publish..sorry for the delay; however, I'll make it up to you all tomorrow!!)

Too busy for this?

- Tuesday, December 22, 2009

G'day mate! Wow...2 days before christmas...I bet you all are feelin that "ahhh" feeling now. The last minute shopping, cooking, cleaing, gifting....it's seriously rediculous how it gets this time of year, yet we still push and go like it's nothing...

I have been feeling like as of late the days melt into weeks, and the weeks melt into months without taking much notics...I mean, each day I know what the date is, but you never really take time to appreciate or savour each day! I can't even savour my friggen coffee in the morning let alone the entire day!

So when I was reading my fav blogs today, I came across Bindu Wiles' most recent posting and I was just shocked. THIS is how I feel daily and yet I never knew it....she has a wonderful out look on life and is a Yoga guru! I really encourage you all to read her blog because she really does love words, language and expression. Below is direct from her post...how do you feel now that you have read that?? Think it's attainable? Think you would feel like you were missing something??

Perhaps all we can do is try....

i can get into the silly mental gymnastics competition of, “if i do x, i’ll be a better person.” it’s a big trap, so i decided to just do what was in front of me taking care of all the things that simply could not wait, and accepting that there is only so much i can do in a day and that’s really ok. instead of generating more and more energy to do it all, i have made small decisions each day to what needs to get done and then to rest. it takes some trust to rest. the world goes on without us and we worry we will miss something, or not be on top of our game, or people will forget us and we will be out of the loop. it’s not easy to stop pushing pushing pushing, and to stop saying over and over how busy we are. it’s so boring to hear that people are busy. it doesn’t really tell you anything specific about them or where they are at anyway. Mostly it just keeps people out. so that’s where i’ve been. accepting my energetic limits and choosing other things besides being more wound up and stressed out. when i’ve had a few minutes, i’ve chosen to lay down or go to yoga class or watch a netflix or look through my art books instead of post here. i can feel my energy gathering again. i can feel the edges of my eyes softening again. i can feel the ease flowing in my veins and muscles. stressed out is not our natural state you know. what i know about myself is that i don’t want to live life hard and hardened. i want to live it soft and relaxed. i don’t want to grasp and push. the only way to do that is to choose stillness, not after the turbo-movement has stopped, but while it happening. choosing to stop in the midst of the motion. to extend care towards myself that has it’s own inherent wisdom and knowing of when and how to do that. obligation and expectation often hijacks that inner knowing. why do we often find ourselves pushing and extending beyond what feels right for us? we have these extraordinary emotional compasses inside us that we override very often. with the solstice approaching, it’s a perfect time to listen to our inner voice of guidance. and ya know what? it always comes in the form of a whisper.

Jesus spoke to me in tongues; I may have a drinking problem?!!!

- Monday, December 21, 2009

So I would like to warn you all that this post is nothing short of a Guy Ritchie flick; full of eff bombs, a lot of drab and some friggen wanka's! I refuse to use the coooont word as I am neither British, Jason Stratham or a cabbie (hmmmm what is it that brits call them?).
Its actually pretty funny how the root of Canadian culture is based on the British commonwealth; yet they maintain their own lingo... and almost always sound intelligent no matter what they are saying (example have you ever heard v-becks or d-becks talk?)
I wish that there was a dictionary of brit slang such as there is for ordering coffee @ starbucks! "Oie say lady sassafrass; oi'd loik a cup a tea and a scoone". "Quite right, oy would snog johnny dep all night long!". Really it just appeals to me. It would also be tres cool if I could talk with a different accent each day at work...but I can't; so I won't.
Anyhow so I have had a bitch of a day. I really wish it was acceptable to drink @ work because I would be the bartender and the dinging specialist! I think that it could work to my advantage and those who I work with.
As it was I only got a few hours of sleep last night because it was Dan's staff party @ work. He and I actually had a date and went out and had sushi too!! Let me tell u, its been 6 mos since he and I went on a date (without kids) and it was bliss. This could also be because I had several glasses of wine; my favorite snack (spicey tuna hand rolls) or the fact that it was really great having that girlie; flirty; god-I'm-glad-I-shaved-my-legs-cuz-I-know-I'm-gonna-get-a-piece-TONIGHT kinda feelin.
We then discuss when we will arrive at his party...I haven't met many people from his work and not to sound like a bitch; but I don't think I'd like them. I don't get preppy,athletic,accountant kinda people - even though I'm sure their mothers love them; and I am not down with those "OMGeeee! I tots need a mani pedi no'ow" chicks. You know the kind who are hot when sober, but then they turn into the ugliest people ever and their ass' hang out of their dresses; get all pukey and ruin their once perfect hair and end the night pukin into the rando guys lap that they somehow lure home... For relz I didn't meet any of them last night I swear but I know this one fuglydrunkiepoo blonde and she makes my skin crawl. The locos chicas I met were pleasant and cute; but really not BFF material what so ever - and sorry but I don't have time to waste on drama; her not liking my mature sense of self; and me not getting her "I'm totally gonna land every guy that looks at me"type mentality. Really - if I am gonna make friends instantly they better have a great personality; make me drink a shit-ton and have my gin n 7 fly out my mouth (in a sexy classy way of course!).
So the night commences and I get to meet some people I have only heard of and also I get a feeling for the restaurant too. I haven't even ate there yet; which translates to have not had the chance to scope out the chicky poos he works with, whew, there are only like 5 chicks there; and yes they are sassy and trendy and I'm sure they are partiers (I am not) but I know he luvs me; I know that what I got is something those girls can only dream of; and if he wanted to - what could I do to stop him. Um, hello Tiger????? Right!! Silver lining......he wouldn't and I believe him. He can look at the menu; just not order;sample;taste.
Well back to the evening... It is around 10 and the party is winding down with the usual amount of awkwardness; drunken behavior and shenanigans. I totally thought to myself, "god I can't deal with this shit!" I mean, who am I to judge but coming from the one person there who was watching the debauchery it was utterly painful...(Insert caption of me doing shooters here). I had to friggen drink to make me feel part of the excitement...or at least better about some of the shit that was flying through my brain. It was mad I tell you! (I guess this post wouldn't count as a good "anti-peer pressure campaign" right? Finally the clouds parted way and god spoke to me in a familiar voice, so familiar that it sounded like my husbands voice...it was, Jesus was talking to me through my husband! JESUS LORD I HEAR YOU. YES I WILL FOLLOW YOU..YES I WILL LET YOU GUIDE ME HOME...His words were so perfect; so pure "let's get the fuck outta here!"
We left as soon as he convinced me that Jesus didn't take over his body and speak in tongues to me. Again that giddy little school girl in love feeling crept up on me... We ended up back home; several more cocktails and had a great "conversation" (wink wink). In the wee hours of the morning when I was sober, we got up from our love nest and got the kids. Now let me just preface this by saying I totally felt like a big bag of yuckie-hung-over-goo; but went to work and stayed until 5 today. I took one for the team and even after thinking about how random the night was, all I can think of is how great it was to be out with my husband and how great he is in bed! Lol..
Xoxo insatiablehost
Oh and ps, got my hair done by my colourist Darcie, fuck she's hella good! Luvs it a lot!!!

12 Days of 2009....

- Saturday, December 19, 2009

The end of another year is approaching.
Not only do I feel a little narcecistic about this past year being totally shyte; I also feel really anxious about what 2010 will bring. I have sort of explained some pit-falls that I have endured this year; however, there have been many...
Today got me thinking that I have 12 days to make it right...who knows, maybe in my former life, I was a total jack-ass and deserved all the lessons I learned this year...maybe it was all in error that this year happened. Whatever the case may be, there's only one thing I can do...
Stay postitive!
I am still healing my torn muscles in my ankles and to that I must inform you I am off the shred...not forever because I want to/have to/ need to finish it; but really guys, it's bugging me that I can't do the entire 30 days in a row like I had planned. I am however, still doing squats, sit-ups, push-ups and stretching which is totally better than nothing. I just hope the ankles get better soon because I am not gonna lie -they really hurt. I was taking the kids upstairs tonight (as they fell asleep on the couch) and was having a hard time as my feet feel like they will give out on me any minute. Oh well....no one got hurt.
I have vowed to take care of myself and start doing things for me. What have I done do you ask??
I have started to make sure that my nails are always painted (toes really, but if I so desire to paint my finger nails, I will). "Women should always look like women" my Grandmother used to say..to having my hair done; brows waxed and under control; girl time - me time and hubby time!
I have committed myself to finding a personal STYLE. Jeans and a T aren't a style...I want to really find out who I am... am I the chick who matches her hat with scarf, with bag with belt? Do I have long curly hair and wear crochet'd little beanies? Am I sleek and sexy, wearing pencil skirts, heels and my hair pin straight????
These questions need answers people! Who am I? What do I look good in? What do I want my wardrobe to say about me? (Insert answers here if you have any...__________________)
I have also committed myself to this blog....yay! I have come to realize that having this little porthole into the unknown is really good for the soul. So good infact that there should be a "Chicken Soup for the Blogger's Soul" (remember, you heard it here first..so if you see it, send the royalties to me!)
Anyhow, so to acknowledge the 12 days that are left in this god forsaken year, I would like to pay homage to every month of '09 by doing 12 shots. Bartender!!!! Let's get a round...tonight we are shooting Broken Down Gold Carts (Amaretto, Melon Liqueur, Cranberry Juice and a splash of 7up shaken over ice)
Jan
Feb
March
(hiccup)
April
May
(ciggy)
June
(ciggy)
Juuuully
(ciggy)
Aw-gusht
(cheers!!!)
September (she starts the blog...)
October (boooo!)
Novembber
(totally spilled that one down my face)
December (it's almost figgen over...can't wait. BAAAARRRR TENNNNNNNDERR!!! another round for my friends!
(ok, so I totally only did 3 shots) but really, that is enough because I have to maintain sobriety. After all, I do have kids here and it's not fair.....wait! Dan's home - he can drive em if they need anything!!!
Bing it on baby!!!!!!!!!!!

dred the shred

- Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Howdy y'all! Ok, so I am back stuck on the floor but this time with horrible news...I think my muscles are thirsty. I don't think I am hydrated enough to work out or my body is clearly a sponge for liquid because when working out, I get parched super bad and have been getting paisties - and really I swear haven't smoked any glorified oregano since that last post!! cross my heart! Anyhow, so I talked to my Dr. today on the phone and said what was going on and he suggested to chill until I can at least walk without pain. I deceded to listen to him; however, I did a 15 min ab video and then 15 min arms/legs session so I did the "dred-the-shred" program today. My shins, ankles, knees and heels are really thanking me but my ass is also not too happy from the squats because I totally made them burn today! My doctor also said that beer isn't good for when you work out...funny though, I dont drink beer - thanks for saying I have a pot belly!!! He didn't say anything about Rum though!!!! (insert silver lining here) I don't have much to post and for that I am sorry; however, I am super tired and have zero creative juice left. I did however, speak with my seistor for like 2 hours tonight, and I haven't talked to her in a while...SO HAPPPY now. I know now what a crack addict feels like when they get their fix. "you're like my personal brand of heroine" Jax. xoxox Anyhow, so she is coming home on the 8th for 2 days before she goes to Cuba. This makes me happy/sad/happy/sad. Comme ci comme ca. She is going to Cuba for 2 weeks and I was totally supposed to go on this trip. Ya see, her bday is in January too and we had planned we would go with our respective men; however, guilt and life got in my head and clouded my vision. How could i leave my babies for a week? How could I afford to go? Who would watch the kids for a week? Would Dan get the time off work? all these things made me say no to the trip. Even when my hubby said to just go myself. Tempting; however, totally unrealistic! I mean, I couldn't imagine not being away with him. We both haven't been anywhere since our honeymoon 7 years ago. We dont get time together, so I would feel guilty for taking time apart...pa-thet-ic I know; but I kinda love my man a lot and if anyone deserves some time away, it's him. This is the truth my friends--not just in case he reads this....well that's not a bad thought though! Anyhow, so she is going and I am not. She will be here for 4 days though and I get a girls night - proper one - and a great dinner out also!!! I can't wait - it'll be really fantabulous!!! She is also going to post on here, so you'll get to know her...perhaps I could get her to do a vlog! JAX IF U READ THIS, just say yes! we'll make cocktails and vlog together!!! ok, we talked about it and SHE'S DEF IN!!! I think her answer will be "Fuck ya!" which is translated loosly in chick language to "there better be free booze or else!" and yes, there will be!! Anyhow, this is it for tonight - again, apoligies but I just wanted to say that I have been getting some love from you and you and you and I just wanted to say RIGHT BACK AT 'CHAS it means a lot!! until next time, on the same bat channel i leave you with the song that always gets in my head with I say sister rather that seeeistor. sisters sisters there were never such devoted sisters never had to have a chaparone,no sir "im here to keep my eye on here" sharing caring every little think that we are wearing when a certain gentlemen arrived from Rome she wore the dress and I stayed home! Chick Norris

Level 2 Day Un. Fail.

-

Happy Tuesday Friends...so I am actually still on the ground recouping from today's abuse and torture...no I am not into SMBD but one may think so after fully comprehending the 30Day shred challenge.. anyhow, I vlogged for y'all today because even after these few words, my body is crumbling and I want to slip into a hot bath and just breath in the serenity of my quite house... talk tomorrow, thanks for all the comments, and please go read http://www.adayinthewife.blogspot.com/ her newest post is about Chick Norris....and FYI, feel free to refer me to her...lol..it's friggen hilarious and in case you didn't know Chick Norris doesn't get a period she gets 2 dots and an exclamation mark!! Until tomorrow my friends...xoxo Insatiablehost

I am Chick Norris!!! Dont eff with me!

- Monday, December 14, 2009

I love my readers!!! I shouldn't call you "my" readers, as you aren't mine; but whatever.. you know what I am talking bout! So I have been informed that I am the female version of Chuck Norris except with a Uterus...and to this I say
Fuck ya I am!
Although I have been told that Chuck Norris is so good that in fact he could create another being- that being would not be 1/2 as great as he.
Also I have been told by a wise prophet that you know how some kids pee their name into snow? Chuck Norris does this into concrete...FO REALZ!
Now, Chick Norris is a little more polite and has morals; however, if it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken and feels like chicken; if Chick Norris says it's beef - Its Fucking Beef!! She has been also sited as the mother of Optimus Prime - after Chuck ejaculated while they were having intimate relations on her tracker...one of the sperm got loose and thus created their love spawn.
Chick Norris is also full of wit and zest....she was the one who coined the phrase "Chuck Norris doesn't pop his collar up; his collar gets an erection when it's close to her body"...umm hm!
See, there you have it...Goly Julie, thanks for pointing out the obvious...now I will have to go back to using my pseudonym...Wonder Woman.
Day 10- sort of....so today, I worked late...it was 5:30 pm when I was finally out of the revolving doors of life and into the real world. Hubby was there to pick me up as he was off today; however, as we have to get the critters by 6 pm or be charged a million dollars a minute there after, he left...this left me with 2 options..Cab - $20 or Bus $2.50 - but no change; only a $20 in my wallet. It was raining; however, seeing how I am feeling like a superhero, I totally opted to walk a bit. My intent was to walk to the train station and take a bus...but then the brisk walk felt great! I was clenching my buns, walking in stride, and pumping my arms furiously...this was better than the warm up with Satan. I ended up walking 2 km to the store, did a brief yet thorough grocery shop and was greeted out front of the store by a clean-shaved, freshly groomed husband, 3 children and a hot apple cider.
While I didn't shred with JM I totally got my shred on - I am feelin the burn. Day 10 tomorrow am before work. This will require me to wake up at 5 am and do this - which I totally will. And after, snaps with Maria....can't wait!!!! I will start level 2 tomorrow evening when I get home. Brace yourself folks, there may be nothing that Chuck Norris can't do; Chick Norris will be eating Champions for breakfast and serving herself on a platter for dinner...
Thanks again !!!
FYI...update on Panty Pyramid. I have sent out 9 pairs and bought myself a pair...waiting on how to post this one...hmmm...anyhow, so when you receive your mail, could you please post on this or pantypyramid.blogspot.com....I would love to see your posts!!! Hope you enjoy...they should be there soon!!!!

.its beginning to feel a lot like christmas....

- Sunday, December 13, 2009

Day 9 - and still doing fine!! I am serious folk, I have really improved on a few things here. I woke up early this morning and rather than curling up on my big purple micro sued couch with a cup of coffee with Bailey's I turned the bitch on and flipped her off for 20 mins. I was tell you all that while I was doing the cardio portions of the work-out I would focus on the wall or the ceiling or whatever- and today, I totally visualized myself kicking the shit out of Jillian Michaels. I say my skinny little ass in my work out gear (complete with new kicks) and I totally round housed her in the jaw. My visualization was complete with cinematic slow-play for effect. You could actually see her mouth jobble around and jaw wrench around to he shoulder. Hmmm. I wounder if she felt that all the way in the back on her neck...like a nice stretch? I digress...so I have improved as I said...I actually attempted full out pushups today. So I made it to 10 for the first set, and then only 4 for the next set (and then reverted to modified); however, again, the improvement is being noticed. I have also seen a little difference in my posture and how I feel. Like I feel like my core is fucking strong! Not like "IM the fuckin Hulk - don't mess with me" but like, I feel more powerful. I also had an encounter with the hubby today and man, I felt stronger too!! Perhaps what is good for the goose is really great for the gander! (No pun intended - ok, maybe just a little) Anyhow, so I also have to say that as I haven't written about food as of late, I am going to again focus on that. I just am afraid that if I start to focus on food that makes me smile and drool that I may put my new regime in danger. Not that there isn't delicious food out there for while you are dieting/managing your weight; however, I CAN"T. I love food too much to let rules get in the way. I am really 100% committed to doing this 30 day shred before I turn 30 that I am taking it to the fullest extent! I will however let you all in on a secret... So tonight, hubby cooks dinner for us (which was super sweet, because I had like zero motivation to do anything after the hour of 3:00 pm.) So we were gonna have tacos...mmm...tacos! I love tacos... I love putting a ton of toppings on my tacos too. One thing I have never done before was "beef up the beef!". When he made the meat, he added egg into it..and let me tell you something..." that is a tasty meat sauce". It was kinda like scrambled into the meat. He has done this before with potatoes, meat and egg too when making a curry or something- that man has fucking talent! I know that I have it good when he is at home and inspired to cook, because there are all of these other little tricky-poos that I have never known. Anyhow, so we have the eggybeef and avocado (which is now my obsession because it's a fat burning fruityveg...(is it a fruit or vegetable??? do i care - no because if it's a veg, then I would be a vegetarian, if it's a fruit, then I love fruit!!!) anyhow, so we have that, and we also have the usual suspects at this dinner...hot sauce (it's called Death and really makes you sweat), cheese, lettuce, and tacos... I only had 2 tacos, and filled the meat up 1/2 of what I would usually. I also had some avocado, lettuce and hot sauce (to make me sweat some calories out) - no joke that was the total motivation for doing it. I also made a salad - but again, for those who have been reading since the beginning, I have a salad with almost every meal. I luvs me some salad! Again...we sit at the table as a family. Usually when this happens there is hungry laughter, belly gurgling and giggles....tonight...not so. ALL HELL BREAKS loose. Sophia takes 2 tacos, builds them and starts to eat, when all of a sudden the mild sauce is too spicey and she wont eat anything...Bella starts to talk (and when she starts, she doesn't stop - I wonder now, where does she get this from?) Lucas wouldn't sit on his butt! We have this great table and chair set and it comes with a bench on the one side...so the dood and smelly sit together...and he was doing everything but...and all of a sudden, hubby says "Lucas, sit down and eat your dinner" and he looks at his father and scrunches his nose up and retorts with "what you talkin' bout willis?" insert the lost laughter here....that was kinda friggen funny! back to nonsense...sophia starts to whine that the sauce is too hot, bella complains that all the avocado is gone, and lucas is still repeating "what you talkin' bout Willis" over and over and over again. Then comes the chorus, the salad is too green and there aren't enough cumbers mom x2 Wa wa wa...wa wa wa...fun times....I think it was at this point that Dan put his water down and raced over to the counter where his rum n coke was sitting in anticipation of decorating the tree...and he literally downed it in 3.2 seconds flat! That totally turned me on! After dinner, I do the dishes, get organized etc and the kids start to get the decorations out to do the tree...now i know it's a personal question; but if I can ask...what tree-type person are you? Me, I am all about white christmas lights, golds, silvers, twinkley lights, sparkly do dads but classic...not goddy, not cheesey and not "unorganized". Now let's let my family answer this question... Colourful, lots of decorations and the more the better!!! I love this answer because as I usually have to have my own way about everything because I am the center of the universe and what I say is pretty much next to written scripture...I have to bite my tongue (hard) because it's about them...I fantasize about the day that I have a basement where the kids tree goes and in the living room I get my way and have the best ever tree...(sigh)..our tree is beautiful really, and there is a lot of love and memories on it. I have ornaments from when I was a young child, I have ones that my nieces have made; ones that I have made year after year and then some that my grandmother had given me to always have a piece of her on our tree...When I got married, she gave me this floral box of ornaments that she made...there is a Mr. and Mrs. Clause, some bells, stars and a Love Dove. as simple as these treasures are, I was the only one who could put them on the tree to make sure they all had their own special spot. I also have this great tree topper, it's an angel that my friend's sister had made for our wedding..(I gave all the little girls them in the wedding party)...and that has been on our tree for the past 7 years. I don't have any popcorn string (yet) or other heirlooms; however, I feel that although its not my ideal tree - it really is perfect and warm. Oh! And I have these candy cane decorations I made last year for the kids at daycare to give to everyone (I made 120) and burnt like 2 layers of effin skin off my finger tips while doing them...anyhow, I have a santa, snowman and reindeer on the tree...after all, it is a time to be thankful that we have 7 layers of epidermis...right? I have to also get some gifties for the kids daycare as the big wears red does make a pit stop there next week. I went to WALMART because they are on 24 hrs now...(sooo thankful again) and I got some really great gifts for under $20 bucks each...I am all about less is more especially at christmas - the kids don't need to be spoiled (mostly because I know that our families do that very well). So I got them a few fun trinkets and spent 20 bucks on each kid...it'll be totally wonderful! As this is for tomorrow and it's already tomorrow...shit, I just looked at the clock and it's 12:28! Time totally flies, doesn't it? Anyhow, I am going to end this session now, as I have to wrap them and get ready for the morning. Tomorrow is day 10 - it almost feels like when I was graduating grade 8. Tomorrow is the last day of doing the shred at the level I have now grown semi-comfortable with. Now, I know that you can't get results by being comfortable and I know that I want to see all these results...but I am scared. I am actually terrified because I did watch level 2.. I think I may ease myself into level 2 to ensure that I don't kill myself or injure myself any more. (I think my ankles were mad at me this week) Anyhow, I hope you all are doing well, and have to say that after reading everyone's posts for these past few days, it's just great to hear about everyone's celebrations, plans for the holidays, understanding that they are only human and also about how many times you can plunge your toilet to find the white mice hidden in them. I have had about a bazillion laughs all thanks to your posts and myself and my abs would like to say thank you for them! Monday is tomorrow..and I will then be craving Friday..until then...

Day 7 - no motivation FUCKING PMSing :)

- Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Good evening friends...so far today I have had to talk myself into my workout, making dinner, making the kids lunch (still to do), get the clothes ready for tomorrow (again, not done). I managed to do my shred today and hoped that the bolt of energy that usually occurs afterwards while I have my glow of workout but it didn't. Infact I am sitting here 20 minutes ater the workout and am still waiting for the motivation.... i have again literally sat here for another 4 minutes waiting for the bolt. Fail. nothing. anyhow, Day 8 tomorrow - I hope that I can get out of the fuckn funk of today perhaps it's the full moon cycle looming over my head; clouding my body with pms and toxins. Rrrraaarrr!!! I am pmsing...here me roar! Ok, so back to it..I have accomplished a few things today that I am happy about. 1. I abused the exclamation - see below where my comment on exhotgirl's latest takes an abusive dive on punctuation and more... Holy Shreddin Skinny Jeans!!!!Dude first, the shirt kicks ass! the jeans..they look super great!!!congrats on day 9!!!!! you are doing great...rah rah rah...(that is me doing a cheer for ya!and doin butt kicks at the same time) I was also just thinking of using another exclamation mark and felt a bit odd as I have already used 12...not that the exclamation is rationed or anything - or that you aren't exclamation worthy...infact i would even revert to using exclamtion perfume again just for you and call it ex-hotgirl-clamation because you're the bees knees(exclamation point) i dgress...anyhow, I feel the same about the shred, but i really had a VERY difficult time motivating myself to actually do it today....like, I lieterally just finished it now and I usually do it earlier. Anyhow, I am now abusing the ... so I am ending now before I totally abuse the English language, symbolic expression and the gramatical rules that we live by..!!! GAH!!!! It's like crack...I am stopping... BYE!! DAY 10 -you can do it water-girl! See- shameful and damn near pathetic...I mean, I am no English Lit grad or anything; however I do happen to pride myself on getting a 97% in grammar, real grammar, where you would break apart a sentence with the subject/predicate and use brackets and arrows, underline with squiggles and more. back to my accomplishments. 2. I managed to get out of work only 30 minutes past my shift...a HUGE accomplishment. 3. I made a roast beef tonight that was soooo juicy, tender and delicious. see I have done a lot of things...I shouldn't feel bad that the other things in my day are unfinished. Perhaps tomorrow will sprout a fountain of energy, motivation and sarcastic/whitty things to write about.. it HAS to...it's day 8!!!!! (again, takin a hit from the exclamation crack - kids..say no to drungs)

tweeting sounds pornographic..isn't there a better word?

- Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Holla!!!!! How is everyone today???? Me, I am doin A-OK! I just have finished my day 6 of the shredded hell that Satan leads. I am feeling stronger, and I notice the difference in my balance, strength and endurance. I have again done 10 pushups (modified) but still did them 3 times for the reps in the course of the vid...I have noticed that myleft hamstrings aren't loving the kick in the ass. I find that when I do the but kicks, and i am counting to save myself from passing out or kicking my leg forward into my television to punt the wicked witch off my screen, that there is a little bit of a soreness. I wont baby it, but I think I am going to ease up on the bootie kicks. As for the side lunges, I still dont love them, but am going deeper, and am using bottles of water as weights, so that is making a difference too. I have also noticed that the trick that I used in days 1 and 2 of counting my breath has lent nicely into helping me not lose balance...I also stair at my walls while running and imagine what new colours I could paint or what pictures I should hang. You see I can multitask like a mother fucker! WhenI am doingbicycle crunches and the other ab owrk, I look at my cieling and try to see different patterns in the stucco. It reminds me of the stigmata people who say they see the vigin mary's botocelli's face in a pancake that was made, and then people sit around the pancake and worship it for years....it's crazy!! Have I noticed any fat shedding??? Well I am so amazed that I can say I have officially lost 9 lbs in 2 weeks. Last week I was only down 3 pounds so that would make me think that over 6 days on top of the shred, and a really balanced (and scaled back) diet, I have lost 6 ish lbs....to me, this is great!!! I am not counting numbers to save myself heartache and embarrasment at the end. I think that if i set any goal numerically, that it would only make me lose my nut and obsess over numbers.... I have a goal to get into size 31/32 for my bday...and we are just 22 days away...(HOLY FUCKBALLS) guys n gals....I am turing 30 in 22 days...whatever shall I do???? Ok, so my goals are - stay focused on the shred!!! do it every day, don't give up! I want to also make sure that I have 1 salad min. a day....I fear that my fat arse needs to stay away from my newest addiction....Ace Bakery Crustini's in olive oil and sea salt...they are so fucking good with goat's cheese!!! Speaking of the Lord's cheese...I was reading an article and discussing with Brigitte Jone's (my friend, not the real one) about the testing that has been done recently regarding the hormones in cow's milk having a direct correlation with acne, dry skin, scaring (where blemishes are etc.). I am also going to try to cut out dairy....well...unnecessary dairy. I WONT GIVE UP MY COFFEE! I know its very Joan of Arc when I say this, but really, I love my coffee in the am...I have cut down from XL Triple Triple to Large Double Double....when I start level 2 of the shred, I am going to switch to sweetner rather than sugar. This is it for now though...I dont want to deny myself something if I actually want it...shit, could you imagine if I denied myself RUM???? loll..haha ha...that does make me chuckle, but again, I also believe in comprimise....i'll stick with Diet Coke rather than Coca Cola Classic. In other news in my life...I am trying to learn twitter/tweeting....what ever the eff you want to call it. I have just learned that the @ sign is back at whoever...but the RT - i am suspecting is a re-tweet...whatis that??? Thatis just copying someones tweet and claiming it as your own???? My god if it's not bad enough to learn blogging and encrypting...now a new lingo!!! I am not too good at ordering starbucks as it is :) I will learn, I will persevere and I will keep tweeting....but guys, realy tweet?!!! it's bad enough that when I was growing up my mother called a lady part a Bird....tweet tweet!! have a great day, I can't wait until fuckin Friday!!!!! DAY 7 here we go!!!

Day 5 and stayin alive stayin alive!!!

-

Ah ah ah ah stayin aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive!!!
For pete's sake, today has been seriously full of surprises!!! Suprise and delight number 1
I was reading the blogs I follow today and read Bindu Wiles post about Best Blogs of 09 and guess who's name was there.....you guessed it folks, Insatiablehost!!!!! I can't believe it yo! I am very grateful for this honour and also for the great friendships that have started; and for those words that I read every day!!! Thank you again!
Suprise and Delight #2
I did 10 push ups!!!!! I did 10 modified push-ups but I did them!!!! I actually got through the video today for the 30-day shred (day 5) and feel even better than yesterday. I will be looking like Jessica Rabbit soon enough! I really would like to thank the anonymous poster who had given me some really great advice about spreading my legs (DIRTY PIGS!!!!!) wider when doing push ups and also about how to strengthen my triceps (those are muscles) to make me stronger for the pushups!!! I really appreciated the kind words, encouragement and advice!
Surprise and NO DELIGHT WHAT-SO-EVER #3
While I was working out today, the dood was on the carpet watching the Grinch; my husband decided to start to feed himself. That's right....and even though he let me have the time to myself to do the work out, and also had suggested I not "go so hard" for the first few days because I'll hurt myself...he had the friggen nuggets to actually make a toasted salmon sandwich with brie, avacado, tomato and greens on a Portuguese bun with olive oil!!!! It smelled like sex in the air!!!! So naughty but fuck I just wanted a friggen bite!!!! I didn't want to concentrate on keeping my core tight and my butt pushed out, and back flat! No I wanted to run over to my kitchen (I would have done butt kicks over there so I wouldn't be really giving up on the workout) and rip the food out of his hands and make out with the bread! But NO.....I am way better than that!!!! I actually am proud of myself today because I didn't touch it....I wanted to, I pushed through the workout - and let me tell you - the bicycle crunches at the end - I am pushing through and screaming!! but I pushed through it and enjoyed by freezing cold water, and a great apple!
Jen, I would have totally scarffed the pizza with ya buddy!!!! I am still chewing on the inside of my mouth...in a non-carnivorous manner!!
Anyhow friends and new friends and not my friends but I'll call you my friends..have a fan-FUCKIN-tastic day tomorrow. Day 6 is up and guys I gotta tell ya, I am pretty scared!!! I feel like I am gonna drop!!! I have faith that the only thing here droppin is my pants and my weight!! Let me know any more tips, advice and keep the love up!!! xsox insatiablehost!

Stop Right Now....Thank you Very Much....

- Sunday, December 6, 2009

Hey you, I'm kicking Jillian's butt
Better push on baby; gonna shred some pounds..
So everyone....happy friggen Sunday!! How is everyone? I have to tell ya, it's been a super fun day in my life today....we went to the Santa Clause Parade here, and I had some super fantastic pictures until I let my kids use the camera and they deleted all of them EVERY SINGLE FUCKING ONE....I am sooo seriously annoyed and I have no clue as to how to get them back. ggrrrrrrr... whatever...it was my fault.
anyhow, so we saw our friends the Flips and also saw some other friends. It was really great to see everyone out on such a beautiful day and seeing the town support everyone. It makes me hope that next year is way better...I mean have all the friends come about; food food food and hot chocolate with baileys!!! you know what I'm sayin...
Anyhow, I am still in full "shred-mode" and I think that I am ok now...I can't do the normal pushups - but really what freak can??? (nothing against you people who can, this is just my tantrum about the fact that I can't...) I mean seriously folks, we all saw the gerth of my jugs yesterday, how the hell are my arms strong enough to push that shit up and down???? I need some advice. I need to know what else can I do to strengthen my arms so I can do these things they call "normal push ups" I think I can seriously do 3 in a row before I collapse.
I have notices that I am great on the endurance part of this also...meaning, that I can actually get through the whole thing!!! I am feelin a little bit ho-hum about the fact that I dont have anyone in my physical presence who is doing this with me....I know that I have motivation and support from my family and my seistor is suuuuuper happy I am doing something...but it would be great to have someone so jazzed about kicking my own ass each day, ya know? hmmm...this brings me to the lack of girlie friends...oh well...maybe when I have my new sculpted skinny body, i'll have some new friendies.
What else....hm...oh Hubby has asked me out on a date with him...so that is exciting. I think it's next sunday, so that should be great. Dinner, drinks and alone time, oh my! It has been since our anniversary (july 5) that we have had a date night, so I am looking very much forward to it.
Anyhow, I am off to go snuggle on the couch and watch a flick...thanks for being there...whoever is out there and thanks for letting me speak my mind....
Peace out suckas!!! DAY 5 up next!!!!!!

Day 3 - Yay ME!!!!! and my pants where around my ankles in the living room

- Saturday, December 5, 2009

Hola Bitches!!!! So, A vlog for you lovelies! Surprise surprise, my daughter So - who she has just asked me to announce has her first loose teeth (bottom middles) and has her adult tooth already appearing. In typical Sophia form, arriving before announced at the ball and making her own entrance. Anyhow, I have been hearing a lot more from people and some new folks too - welcome welcome welcome! I have had a blast getting to know you all and am really starting to feel great. Maybe it's the endorphins from the work out or maybe it's the 2 rums i have chillin in my freezer but whatever it is I dont care....no...I swear I haven't done chemicals in YEARS!!! (we're talkin many many years).. but it's true. I am feelin great and when I say my pants fell down during my workout - they totally did.

In the 30 day shred you start with your warm up (remember, I told you we did are crosses and BIIIIIG windmills) then we did cardio - and I hated every minute of listening to Satan's voice...ya...this is the same video..again

So I am kicking my own ass literally during the cardio part of it and all of a sudden I start to feel myself bounce and flop; and then it happened...my pants totally fell off! Now, for a bigger gal, that feelin is amazin, but for my 5 yr old daughter who was workin out with me I think I totally shocked her because all I heard was "aaaaaaaaaahhh Momma, your butt is huuuuuge, and I can see your undies!"

whatever, you know what?? I have been trying to loose weight since I had her so for me to have on a pair of comfy pants and have them fall off, wtf this is the GOAL and guess what - I accomplished something!!! I didn't give up; I didn't bitch and complain - um,....i'll take that back because I totally did; but I am proud that my pants fell down!

I am totally stoked for day 4 tomorrow though. I think that part of it is the fact that I am challenging myself to do this. Something that even my own husband has said he doesn't think I will stick with it, or that it's not that hard...whatever, cuz you're not gonna be saying that when my ass is small and tight and I have a flat tummy are you???? NO, you wont...so FUCK OFF!

I do have a challenge for him though...even though he weighs like 20 lbs, he needs to get in shape too - so I am going to challenge him to do this with me...tomorrow Dan's ass is gonna be Jillian's and we'll see how easy it is for him! Sucka!

Also, I have to purchase new running shoes as currently I have my old puma's and they aren't the working out sort. What kind do i buy??? I know I would love some funky green or red ones, but now a days running shoes are all about inner arch support with anterior cushioning...I just want something my dawgs can hang out in while they brace themselves for the ride of their life...(side note -my mental image of how my feet react to me doing jumping anything is how someone would look on a mechanical bull and if the bull was in agony....)

As I said in my vid.. thank you so much Jen (EHG) for getting me involved in this! I am totally doing something for myself - finally, but I am really so happy I read your post.(well all your posts cuz your cool but that one particularly about the body love and the shred sissy shower...) Alex, nice to see you stop bye, and if you seriously have 4 kids and you're 32...I was almost in your shoes hunny, and good on ya!!! Julie, are you shreddin? I do the workout to the new moon soundtrack..it kinda goes with it!!! Who else....um, if you haven't started to read Peter de Wolfe please do, this guy is super great. The main reason why I love to read his posts are the ones that are addressed to his future wife. Totally adorable.. Bindu Wiles who was a "blog of note" a few weeks back is totally great also. She is a writer, yoga guru and has a great seistor too..(thank you for spreading the word). Anyone else that has stopped by or commented; thank you all!!

Day 4 is comin up and I can't friggen wait to see how it goes....I am seriously going to have a couple rum n cokes tonight, cuz god damn it, I am worth it and every body likes me!!

Day 2 What the Poo?

- Friday, December 4, 2009

Dear Self, Hello Self, I hope you are well today...you seem to be a bit tense; however, I am not sure if it's related to the stress of the day or if it is your muscles cursing Jillian Michaels....Perhaps both; however, I have to say that you did look super cute while waddling into the kitchen to make your salad, or when you ran down the stairs when you heard your tweeter tweet. I know you are likely embarrassed that you froze while climbing the stairs this morning, but don't worry-those people who were behind you should be damned because they giggled..they didn't know how hard you worked and how you will use this pain to push through and how you still did it again tonight! I hope you know that I was actually a little proud of you for bitch-slapping the day after you completed Day 2! You have to know that I know what you are thinking and feeling, but I hope you do...I hope you feel great about it!!! It's only 28 days left and we have waited that out before when dealing with the booking policies we live our life by. The 30 day shred is 1 minetta booking policy and now has sliced its way to a Maialino/EMP or USC booking window...you got this girl!!! Next up a 3 week La Esquina window...that will be a special day on Christmas Eve!!! SOOOGUUUD! Anyhow, I thought you may want to know that your self if proud of yourself...talk to ya soon! Your best self... Well friends...today has been one fuck of a day!!! Where do I begin????? How about where we left last off...I finished writing and felt accomplished...I could take on the world!! Hubby comes home - looking a little sexy and I wanted to jump his bones; however, I maintained my composure...I showered (because I was all glistened - and I only like that after a little shemmina shemmninga jiggy jiggy). When I came downstairs, Dan was cuddled up with Princess Pineapplebottom jeans - a pussy he could handle at 12 am...and just look peaceful...I didn't interrupt one bit. We engaged in our usual banter... "how was your day" I ask "whatever, where are the chips?" he questions "I burned the bag at the same time as my bra..the dood held the gasoline while smelly lit the match..." no response...he is ignoring me. "oh, did you say you needed me to pick you up a pack of smokes?" I ask, trying to press his buttons because I don't get ignored... "ya - where are they?" he demands "sorry, I didn't get them. I bought the Vanity Fair issue with Edward instead...I hadn't had a chance to read it yet." I say the tone dripping with sarcasm. "Edw---what the fuck?" "danon, are you kidding me? you wasted money on a magazine with a 23 year old vampire?" I start to fantasize a little here...it's getting foggy as to what was being said, but i think it went something like "yes edward, anything you want...no, he's no one....my pool boy." "oh, i know I dont have a pool but I just feel better saying pool boy rather than sex slave..I thought you may think I was sensitive." "yes edward, I did buy your magazine...I forwent the thought of buying milk for the kids that call me mom; smokes for the man that calls me dear and food for the pussy that purs" all of a sudden I get tackled out of no where..Dan charged me and sorry folks but the rest is not really worthy of words....but I will say this...although I have never had a 3-some (and don't intend to either) Edward may have been the one to tackle me...no joke...when I came to, I knew it was my husband...my own brand of heroine....but for a second I would swear it wasn't. Well..sorry for the rant...but I got up super early, because smelly wasn't sleeping well and got everyone out the door by 6:45 am. I race to day care and to work and entered a "hellday" Although I really love my team - we really help each other out by easing the day with "smelly pirate hooker" comments and "Ga Ga what the fu-uk" chants...really, the team I work with rocks my Casbah! The day continued until I had officially forgotten to pee until 4:45 pm when I stepped away from my desk for the first time and noticed my ass cheeks were screaming at my quads...I think it was their first introduction. My armpits decided to jump into the mix and stage a war against anything Jillian Michaels....it was a good fight until my ass won! (finally size does matter on a woman!! I finish my day, call my hubby to say whats up and race to get the monsters!! We fly home like a bat outta hell (that drives a mini-van) and I start to prepare their dinner....sausage with penne, tomatoes, rapini, garlic and basil...I was drooling by the time I started to chop the garlic, but I resisted!!! I held back...I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE WINE!!!! The kids settled down into their meal and I went to make a salad...mmmm salad!!! salad that tasted like a bottle of amarone and a big ass steak with mushrooms and baked potato!!!! (wishful thinking) Then my phone started to go off the hook...I get all my notices on my phone and today I thought it was a little odd that in 3 minutes I got 13 emails through my personal account, 2 emails from this source and 4 people started to follow me on twitter....THANK YOU, keep following children...the light is at the end of the tunnel!! Bella and I changed into our duds and fire up the you tube session of Bitch on Wheels and we begin Day 2!!! Now, I am not a liar, but even the warm up totally sucked my nut! I mean, arm crosses and swirls are simple but today my breasts were in competition with the other and my triceps had taken a holiday...I felt like the friggen tin man in wizzard of ozz.."ooooillllcannnn" The warmup finished and it was strength time....holy fucken smelly pirate hooker!!! My quads are not happy, and I did the modified version of this workout...but I still did it!! I did all of the workout and wasn't totally dead at the end, but I will say that my body is barking and it will only be cured by rum n coke! Sorry, I am not perfect, but today is Friday and GOD DANG IT I will drink RUM!! The day is winding down nicely, the maid is cleaning the dishes and doing the laundry and the chef is making peanut butter chocolate mouse pie for the kids tomorrow and the bartender has served a fresh round of liquid gold. Happy Friday friends and don't forget to thinking about the Panty Pyramid...I have pitched the idea to a few people and I think you all will be completed gob-shocked if it actually works out....but it would be FUH-king amazing!!! Ka ka ka!!!! Ok, peeps..talk soon and tomorrow is Day 3 - let's keep the momentum going....

Day 1 holy bu-ut! Ga ga What the Fu-uk!!!

- Thursday, December 3, 2009

Ladies and Gents, I Mdm Insatiable have accepted a challenge to shred my ass and other storage bits and have started Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. I think this is best titled Death to JM Luv IH!! So Ex Hot Girl our pal has started this I think 3 days ago....ish and I really hadn't heard much about this kind of torture before. This isn't anything SMBDish or anything but maybe lingers around cruel and unusual punishment. That being said, I did it. I DL the video for session 1 or level 1 or in my case level 0 and wanted to see what it was like. Me and the kids gathered around the laptop and viewed this insanity...Sophia says Jillian isn't super hot but has a great figure; Bella says mommy, your butt is sooo much bigger and the dood said "boobies". (no jokes) anyhow, so after watching this 20 minute Fight Club, I said to myself, "self" "yes self" "self, are you happy? are you feeling listless" and myself responded in Lucile fashion "are you un-poopular? do you poop-out at parties" we then shared a bottle of Vit-a-met-a-vegi-man and continued the procrastination. This inner debate lasted for merely 3 minutes, but did feel as if it were an hour...when all of a sudden, Sophia says to me, "momma, why are we watching it? let's do it!" she sprung off of the couch to see what was the matter; like a ferocious little tyrant called the mad hatter! She litter ally raced upstairs and changed into her yoga attire (5 yrs old and yoga attire- but we all know it's not LuLu effin Lemon) and tells me to get my stuff. How could I argue with that??? This is how day 1 plays out...I have the video streaming on the lap top and I move the coffee table out of the way. I get a bottle of water (not realizing that I can't stop during this pummeling to drink - YOU MUST NOT STOP!!!) So we start with BIG circle swoopy things...opening up our chests...Sophia giggles as she lets out a huge fart! ok, getting warmed up, and i am actually smiling...I really felt as if I were in the Fight Club scene where Tyler Derden and Hottie Mc Hotterson Ed Norton fight for the 2nd time...I was doing this thing people call working out and liking it!! (ok, so it was what 3 minutes in..but Ya gotta start somewhere right???) I then see the devil herself talking about core strength and how to hold our shit in tight...well my external shit ain't tight...I am a woman, who's got a 3-kid mommy tummy and a chest that measures 38 DD...they don't tend to stay in one spot for long especially when jumping jacks are involved...I didn't let my sarcastic nature bring me down though...no sir reee Bob...I kept going and was proud that I didn't give myself a black eye or bust my glasses while doing them. (Yay me) Obvi next move is pushups! Again, roll the eyes, as I don't like to get on my knees that often. I did it....I did each set of kiss the grounds and think that my tig ole bitties are going to burn tomorrow. After the cardio shit kicking that I took it was wind down time...20 mins and I was done. The funny thing was that I tried to carry Smelly upstairs and my ass/legs felt so weak from having the oxygen sucked out of them. I managed to get her up there and went to my FB. EHG Jen msgd me after perhaps reading my status (same as today's title) and asked if I was on board!!! I also informed her that as we were msging, my ass cheeks were quivering and I needed to put two tall boys against them to help with the "burn". Jen, thanks to your video and the encouragement from my kids...and the inferno within I am now going to attack day 2 tomorrow!!! so good!!! In other news, a sad state of affairs has occur ed that I have to share.... The Panty Pyramid has run into somewhat of an odd place. I have purchased 40 pairs of undaroos so far (based on the avg of sizes that I had seen in the responses from y'all that are interested) and have been preparing to ship out on Friday or Saturday(depending on when I have time to do this). In my prep, I have the manila envelopes and lists ready to ship, so I wanted to double check the postage/shipping fees that would be associated. So I go to the post office and between myself, "Dawn" the postal clerk, the UPS Canada and US we discovered that out of the 60 addresses that I took to her, only 20 are actually good. There were fake streets, fake cities/zips etc...it really made me question why I want to do this.. 10 of these 60 were businesses but I have to wait until tomorrow to check em out..so that is a max of 30. Now of the addresses that are businesses, I found that one was a closed down doughnut shop in Iowa (thanks...that is just odd) and another was a police department...and sorry y'all I am not sending panties to a cop shop!! So....in light of these occurrences, I am asking only serious contenders to please comment with your actual address. If this is a work address because you are doing this on behalf of someone, please put the title of the company and the entire address. I am also in need of your email addresses (because many of you aren't listed on blogger to actually get that info.) I will be emailing y'all to verify that A) you are a real person who is in this for fun B) that you actually agree to have this sent to you and C) that there is correct info... I am not going to lie...I kinda felt like a bit of a failure! I really did/do sort of...I just have such a high hope for this that I want everyone to participate...you dont have to recruit anyone (unless they are willing - then the more the merrier) and it's really not a lot of a $$ commitment...I would love to have 100 people (fo shizzle people) by January 1 2010!!! Please help me build Mt. Thong!! I have some beautiful panties to send out so guess what guys n gals....message me!!!! My back is starting to have muscle spasms and I think that the sweat is making my hubby a little turned on...I'm gonna go and see what that's all about!! But before I do here are my true measurements... Height: 5"5' Weight: 174 lbs Leg: 31 Waist: 33 Bust: 38 Hips: 37 Goal: 5"10 (lol) 135 34 (lol) 27 34 32/33 Let's see what tomorrow brings!!

what the feck is goonie goo goo?

- Tuesday, December 1, 2009

ladies and gentlemen it's about time that we all sit back and enjoy the show that is about to begin. So, I am nearing my 30th year and have really tried hard this year to better myself and take more interest in me...blah blah blah...anyhow, on a rare occasion i totally let loose and just do whatever...(seriously, even though I do drink often, I dont usually get tanked or fall down or pee myself or puke on the taxi driver or nearest officer....really!!!) but sometimes i actually take the Responsible Mom hat off and put on the "what the feck is goonie goo goo" hat on. last Friday was one of those nights - let me tell you!!! So kids are gone to in-laws (aka Heaven) and i am at home by myself until hubby comes home from the restaurant...I have really been out of it from the wack on the noggin mid week and really haven't been too "with it". I asked him to perhaps bring home something that may take my headache away....now..this brings us into a level of our relationship that I am not sure we should enter; however, I will plead the 5th if ever questioned...this glorified oregano was something like i have never had before...I really couldn't stop laughing, eating, giggling or drinking my rum n coke...(i actually had to go to the store to fill up again - and that onlyhappens once every 2 weeks usually...not 2 times in 3 nights! Yikes...at least I am not solely to blame...hubby often assists in the pirate punch! anyhow, so I am sitting here, feeling little pain on Friday and have had several cocktails and then he comes home and just stops in the door way...and looks at me and shakes his head and laughs...ok, so the image i'll give you is...our house is quite small but if you are standing in the door, to the immediate left is our staircase and infront of the door is the living room that has a sliding door on the back wall. Our couch is in the middle going horizontally with the back wall and the TV is on the wall where the stairs are facing the back wall... anyhow, so i am on the couch in the corner (my fav. spot for reading, writing, sitting and cuddling) and must have started to drop off because, i was curled up, in my spanky blanky with my hoodie on and the drink in one hand and Princess Pineapplebottomjeans sitting on my knees playing with my icecubes in the drink...(bitch - she had her own drink...) so he wakes me from my coma and we decide to watch some great comedies....we start out of Eddie Murphy's Delerious and then move into Russell Peters Red, White and Brown...I love watching stand up as it is...but really nothing beats Eddie Murphy in a red leather suit on stage throwin down...I started to laugh from the beginning and didn't stop until I went upstairs to pee and came back down and started again...I am sure you can see why... We then watched Russell Peters....and for any of you who do not know who this guy is..he's likely one of the funniest Canadians next to Dan Akroyd. His comedy is really controvercial as he does love to bust all who are in his venue; however my favorite part is when he starts talking about Portuguese people... it made me pee!! We have actually seen a few great comedians in our relationship from Chris Rock to Lisa Lampanelli and I can't tell you just how much I love to laugh....really. If its at someone eles' expense I tend to be remorseful afterwards but when something makes you laugh...you just can't control it. Another one of my favorite parts of RP is when he is doing the Dance Dance Revolution...WATCH IT!!! You'll see! If you used to watch the Andrew Dice Clay stuff, (yes, I am dating myself) but if you liked that, then I would deffinately watch the Joe Rogan (ya the guy from UFC and Fear Factor). His standup was insane!!! Another great standup to watch is the legend Robin Williams... Back to the story..so hubby and I are both comfy on the couch, drinks in hand and I was onto my second wind...we just sat there for a couple hours laughing with eachother...honestly, its times like that that makes you wanna freeze the movie that is our life and stay there...between me and my non-stop giggle fit and his making fun of me for drooling when I was talking...life couldn't have gotten any better!! I know it's not too funny or clever but really, I can't be fucking perfect every day right??? Hope you all are great and update...Panty Pyramid update I have purchased FUNDIES!!!!!!!!!!!! for my first 10 people, guess what chicaa and dude (one guy is in this!!) i am getting the postage together and am aiming to send out by Monday...hope you're getting excited! I know I am! Peace out!!

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