Stop Right Now....Thank you Very Much....

- Sunday, December 6, 2009

Hey you, I'm kicking Jillian's butt
Better push on baby; gonna shred some pounds..
So everyone....happy friggen Sunday!! How is everyone? I have to tell ya, it's been a super fun day in my life today....we went to the Santa Clause Parade here, and I had some super fantastic pictures until I let my kids use the camera and they deleted all of them EVERY SINGLE FUCKING ONE....I am sooo seriously annoyed and I have no clue as to how to get them back. ggrrrrrrr... whatever...it was my fault.
anyhow, so we saw our friends the Flips and also saw some other friends. It was really great to see everyone out on such a beautiful day and seeing the town support everyone. It makes me hope that next year is way better...I mean have all the friends come about; food food food and hot chocolate with baileys!!! you know what I'm sayin...
Anyhow, I am still in full "shred-mode" and I think that I am ok now...I can't do the normal pushups - but really what freak can??? (nothing against you people who can, this is just my tantrum about the fact that I can't...) I mean seriously folks, we all saw the gerth of my jugs yesterday, how the hell are my arms strong enough to push that shit up and down???? I need some advice. I need to know what else can I do to strengthen my arms so I can do these things they call "normal push ups" I think I can seriously do 3 in a row before I collapse.
I have notices that I am great on the endurance part of this also...meaning, that I can actually get through the whole thing!!! I am feelin a little bit ho-hum about the fact that I dont have anyone in my physical presence who is doing this with me....I know that I have motivation and support from my family and my seistor is suuuuuper happy I am doing something...but it would be great to have someone so jazzed about kicking my own ass each day, ya know? hmmm...this brings me to the lack of girlie friends...oh well...maybe when I have my new sculpted skinny body, i'll have some new friendies.
What else....hm...oh Hubby has asked me out on a date with him...so that is exciting. I think it's next sunday, so that should be great. Dinner, drinks and alone time, oh my! It has been since our anniversary (july 5) that we have had a date night, so I am looking very much forward to it.
Anyhow, I am off to go snuggle on the couch and watch a flick...thanks for being there...whoever is out there and thanks for letting me speak my mind....
Peace out suckas!!! DAY 5 up next!!!!!!

Day 3 - Yay ME!!!!! and my pants where around my ankles in the living room

- Saturday, December 5, 2009

Hola Bitches!!!! So, A vlog for you lovelies! Surprise surprise, my daughter So - who she has just asked me to announce has her first loose teeth (bottom middles) and has her adult tooth already appearing. In typical Sophia form, arriving before announced at the ball and making her own entrance. Anyhow, I have been hearing a lot more from people and some new folks too - welcome welcome welcome! I have had a blast getting to know you all and am really starting to feel great. Maybe it's the endorphins from the work out or maybe it's the 2 rums i have chillin in my freezer but whatever it is I dont care....no...I swear I haven't done chemicals in YEARS!!! (we're talkin many many years).. but it's true. I am feelin great and when I say my pants fell down during my workout - they totally did.

In the 30 day shred you start with your warm up (remember, I told you we did are crosses and BIIIIIG windmills) then we did cardio - and I hated every minute of listening to Satan's voice...ya...this is the same video..again

So I am kicking my own ass literally during the cardio part of it and all of a sudden I start to feel myself bounce and flop; and then it happened...my pants totally fell off! Now, for a bigger gal, that feelin is amazin, but for my 5 yr old daughter who was workin out with me I think I totally shocked her because all I heard was "aaaaaaaaaahhh Momma, your butt is huuuuuge, and I can see your undies!"

whatever, you know what?? I have been trying to loose weight since I had her so for me to have on a pair of comfy pants and have them fall off, wtf this is the GOAL and guess what - I accomplished something!!! I didn't give up; I didn't bitch and complain - um,....i'll take that back because I totally did; but I am proud that my pants fell down!

I am totally stoked for day 4 tomorrow though. I think that part of it is the fact that I am challenging myself to do this. Something that even my own husband has said he doesn't think I will stick with it, or that it's not that hard...whatever, cuz you're not gonna be saying that when my ass is small and tight and I have a flat tummy are you???? NO, you wont...so FUCK OFF!

I do have a challenge for him though...even though he weighs like 20 lbs, he needs to get in shape too - so I am going to challenge him to do this with me...tomorrow Dan's ass is gonna be Jillian's and we'll see how easy it is for him! Sucka!

Also, I have to purchase new running shoes as currently I have my old puma's and they aren't the working out sort. What kind do i buy??? I know I would love some funky green or red ones, but now a days running shoes are all about inner arch support with anterior cushioning...I just want something my dawgs can hang out in while they brace themselves for the ride of their life...(side note -my mental image of how my feet react to me doing jumping anything is how someone would look on a mechanical bull and if the bull was in agony....)

As I said in my vid.. thank you so much Jen (EHG) for getting me involved in this! I am totally doing something for myself - finally, but I am really so happy I read your post.(well all your posts cuz your cool but that one particularly about the body love and the shred sissy shower...) Alex, nice to see you stop bye, and if you seriously have 4 kids and you're 32...I was almost in your shoes hunny, and good on ya!!! Julie, are you shreddin? I do the workout to the new moon soundtrack..it kinda goes with it!!! Who else....um, if you haven't started to read Peter de Wolfe please do, this guy is super great. The main reason why I love to read his posts are the ones that are addressed to his future wife. Totally adorable.. Bindu Wiles who was a "blog of note" a few weeks back is totally great also. She is a writer, yoga guru and has a great seistor too..(thank you for spreading the word). Anyone else that has stopped by or commented; thank you all!!

Day 4 is comin up and I can't friggen wait to see how it goes....I am seriously going to have a couple rum n cokes tonight, cuz god damn it, I am worth it and every body likes me!!

Day 2 What the Poo?

- Friday, December 4, 2009

Dear Self, Hello Self, I hope you are well today...you seem to be a bit tense; however, I am not sure if it's related to the stress of the day or if it is your muscles cursing Jillian Michaels....Perhaps both; however, I have to say that you did look super cute while waddling into the kitchen to make your salad, or when you ran down the stairs when you heard your tweeter tweet. I know you are likely embarrassed that you froze while climbing the stairs this morning, but don't worry-those people who were behind you should be damned because they giggled..they didn't know how hard you worked and how you will use this pain to push through and how you still did it again tonight! I hope you know that I was actually a little proud of you for bitch-slapping the day after you completed Day 2! You have to know that I know what you are thinking and feeling, but I hope you do...I hope you feel great about it!!! It's only 28 days left and we have waited that out before when dealing with the booking policies we live our life by. The 30 day shred is 1 minetta booking policy and now has sliced its way to a Maialino/EMP or USC booking window...you got this girl!!! Next up a 3 week La Esquina window...that will be a special day on Christmas Eve!!! SOOOGUUUD! Anyhow, I thought you may want to know that your self if proud of yourself...talk to ya soon! Your best self... Well friends...today has been one fuck of a day!!! Where do I begin????? How about where we left last off...I finished writing and felt accomplished...I could take on the world!! Hubby comes home - looking a little sexy and I wanted to jump his bones; however, I maintained my composure...I showered (because I was all glistened - and I only like that after a little shemmina shemmninga jiggy jiggy). When I came downstairs, Dan was cuddled up with Princess Pineapplebottom jeans - a pussy he could handle at 12 am...and just look peaceful...I didn't interrupt one bit. We engaged in our usual banter... "how was your day" I ask "whatever, where are the chips?" he questions "I burned the bag at the same time as my bra..the dood held the gasoline while smelly lit the match..." no response...he is ignoring me. "oh, did you say you needed me to pick you up a pack of smokes?" I ask, trying to press his buttons because I don't get ignored... "ya - where are they?" he demands "sorry, I didn't get them. I bought the Vanity Fair issue with Edward instead...I hadn't had a chance to read it yet." I say the tone dripping with sarcasm. "Edw---what the fuck?" "danon, are you kidding me? you wasted money on a magazine with a 23 year old vampire?" I start to fantasize a little here...it's getting foggy as to what was being said, but i think it went something like "yes edward, anything you want...no, he's no one....my pool boy." "oh, i know I dont have a pool but I just feel better saying pool boy rather than sex slave..I thought you may think I was sensitive." "yes edward, I did buy your magazine...I forwent the thought of buying milk for the kids that call me mom; smokes for the man that calls me dear and food for the pussy that purs" all of a sudden I get tackled out of no where..Dan charged me and sorry folks but the rest is not really worthy of words....but I will say this...although I have never had a 3-some (and don't intend to either) Edward may have been the one to tackle me...no joke...when I came to, I knew it was my husband...my own brand of heroine....but for a second I would swear it wasn't. Well..sorry for the rant...but I got up super early, because smelly wasn't sleeping well and got everyone out the door by 6:45 am. I race to day care and to work and entered a "hellday" Although I really love my team - we really help each other out by easing the day with "smelly pirate hooker" comments and "Ga Ga what the fu-uk" chants...really, the team I work with rocks my Casbah! The day continued until I had officially forgotten to pee until 4:45 pm when I stepped away from my desk for the first time and noticed my ass cheeks were screaming at my quads...I think it was their first introduction. My armpits decided to jump into the mix and stage a war against anything Jillian Michaels....it was a good fight until my ass won! (finally size does matter on a woman!! I finish my day, call my hubby to say whats up and race to get the monsters!! We fly home like a bat outta hell (that drives a mini-van) and I start to prepare their dinner....sausage with penne, tomatoes, rapini, garlic and basil...I was drooling by the time I started to chop the garlic, but I resisted!!! I held back...I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE WINE!!!! The kids settled down into their meal and I went to make a salad...mmmm salad!!! salad that tasted like a bottle of amarone and a big ass steak with mushrooms and baked potato!!!! (wishful thinking) Then my phone started to go off the hook...I get all my notices on my phone and today I thought it was a little odd that in 3 minutes I got 13 emails through my personal account, 2 emails from this source and 4 people started to follow me on twitter....THANK YOU, keep following children...the light is at the end of the tunnel!! Bella and I changed into our duds and fire up the you tube session of Bitch on Wheels and we begin Day 2!!! Now, I am not a liar, but even the warm up totally sucked my nut! I mean, arm crosses and swirls are simple but today my breasts were in competition with the other and my triceps had taken a holiday...I felt like the friggen tin man in wizzard of ozz.."ooooillllcannnn" The warmup finished and it was strength time....holy fucken smelly pirate hooker!!! My quads are not happy, and I did the modified version of this workout...but I still did it!! I did all of the workout and wasn't totally dead at the end, but I will say that my body is barking and it will only be cured by rum n coke! Sorry, I am not perfect, but today is Friday and GOD DANG IT I will drink RUM!! The day is winding down nicely, the maid is cleaning the dishes and doing the laundry and the chef is making peanut butter chocolate mouse pie for the kids tomorrow and the bartender has served a fresh round of liquid gold. Happy Friday friends and don't forget to thinking about the Panty Pyramid...I have pitched the idea to a few people and I think you all will be completed gob-shocked if it actually works out....but it would be FUH-king amazing!!! Ka ka ka!!!! Ok, peeps..talk soon and tomorrow is Day 3 - let's keep the momentum going....

Day 1 holy bu-ut! Ga ga What the Fu-uk!!!

- Thursday, December 3, 2009

Ladies and Gents, I Mdm Insatiable have accepted a challenge to shred my ass and other storage bits and have started Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. I think this is best titled Death to JM Luv IH!! So Ex Hot Girl our pal has started this I think 3 days ago....ish and I really hadn't heard much about this kind of torture before. This isn't anything SMBDish or anything but maybe lingers around cruel and unusual punishment. That being said, I did it. I DL the video for session 1 or level 1 or in my case level 0 and wanted to see what it was like. Me and the kids gathered around the laptop and viewed this insanity...Sophia says Jillian isn't super hot but has a great figure; Bella says mommy, your butt is sooo much bigger and the dood said "boobies". (no jokes) anyhow, so after watching this 20 minute Fight Club, I said to myself, "self" "yes self" "self, are you happy? are you feeling listless" and myself responded in Lucile fashion "are you un-poopular? do you poop-out at parties" we then shared a bottle of Vit-a-met-a-vegi-man and continued the procrastination. This inner debate lasted for merely 3 minutes, but did feel as if it were an hour...when all of a sudden, Sophia says to me, "momma, why are we watching it? let's do it!" she sprung off of the couch to see what was the matter; like a ferocious little tyrant called the mad hatter! She litter ally raced upstairs and changed into her yoga attire (5 yrs old and yoga attire- but we all know it's not LuLu effin Lemon) and tells me to get my stuff. How could I argue with that??? This is how day 1 plays out...I have the video streaming on the lap top and I move the coffee table out of the way. I get a bottle of water (not realizing that I can't stop during this pummeling to drink - YOU MUST NOT STOP!!!) So we start with BIG circle swoopy things...opening up our chests...Sophia giggles as she lets out a huge fart! ok, getting warmed up, and i am actually smiling...I really felt as if I were in the Fight Club scene where Tyler Derden and Hottie Mc Hotterson Ed Norton fight for the 2nd time...I was doing this thing people call working out and liking it!! (ok, so it was what 3 minutes in..but Ya gotta start somewhere right???) I then see the devil herself talking about core strength and how to hold our shit in tight...well my external shit ain't tight...I am a woman, who's got a 3-kid mommy tummy and a chest that measures 38 DD...they don't tend to stay in one spot for long especially when jumping jacks are involved...I didn't let my sarcastic nature bring me down though...no sir reee Bob...I kept going and was proud that I didn't give myself a black eye or bust my glasses while doing them. (Yay me) Obvi next move is pushups! Again, roll the eyes, as I don't like to get on my knees that often. I did it....I did each set of kiss the grounds and think that my tig ole bitties are going to burn tomorrow. After the cardio shit kicking that I took it was wind down time...20 mins and I was done. The funny thing was that I tried to carry Smelly upstairs and my ass/legs felt so weak from having the oxygen sucked out of them. I managed to get her up there and went to my FB. EHG Jen msgd me after perhaps reading my status (same as today's title) and asked if I was on board!!! I also informed her that as we were msging, my ass cheeks were quivering and I needed to put two tall boys against them to help with the "burn". Jen, thanks to your video and the encouragement from my kids...and the inferno within I am now going to attack day 2 tomorrow!!! so good!!! In other news, a sad state of affairs has occur ed that I have to share.... The Panty Pyramid has run into somewhat of an odd place. I have purchased 40 pairs of undaroos so far (based on the avg of sizes that I had seen in the responses from y'all that are interested) and have been preparing to ship out on Friday or Saturday(depending on when I have time to do this). In my prep, I have the manila envelopes and lists ready to ship, so I wanted to double check the postage/shipping fees that would be associated. So I go to the post office and between myself, "Dawn" the postal clerk, the UPS Canada and US we discovered that out of the 60 addresses that I took to her, only 20 are actually good. There were fake streets, fake cities/zips etc...it really made me question why I want to do this.. 10 of these 60 were businesses but I have to wait until tomorrow to check em out..so that is a max of 30. Now of the addresses that are businesses, I found that one was a closed down doughnut shop in Iowa (thanks...that is just odd) and another was a police department...and sorry y'all I am not sending panties to a cop shop!! So....in light of these occurrences, I am asking only serious contenders to please comment with your actual address. If this is a work address because you are doing this on behalf of someone, please put the title of the company and the entire address. I am also in need of your email addresses (because many of you aren't listed on blogger to actually get that info.) I will be emailing y'all to verify that A) you are a real person who is in this for fun B) that you actually agree to have this sent to you and C) that there is correct info... I am not going to lie...I kinda felt like a bit of a failure! I really did/do sort of...I just have such a high hope for this that I want everyone to participate...you dont have to recruit anyone (unless they are willing - then the more the merrier) and it's really not a lot of a $$ commitment...I would love to have 100 people (fo shizzle people) by January 1 2010!!! Please help me build Mt. Thong!! I have some beautiful panties to send out so guess what guys n gals....message me!!!! My back is starting to have muscle spasms and I think that the sweat is making my hubby a little turned on...I'm gonna go and see what that's all about!! But before I do here are my true measurements... Height: 5"5' Weight: 174 lbs Leg: 31 Waist: 33 Bust: 38 Hips: 37 Goal: 5"10 (lol) 135 34 (lol) 27 34 32/33 Let's see what tomorrow brings!!

what the feck is goonie goo goo?

- Tuesday, December 1, 2009

ladies and gentlemen it's about time that we all sit back and enjoy the show that is about to begin. So, I am nearing my 30th year and have really tried hard this year to better myself and take more interest in me...blah blah blah...anyhow, on a rare occasion i totally let loose and just do whatever...(seriously, even though I do drink often, I dont usually get tanked or fall down or pee myself or puke on the taxi driver or nearest officer....really!!!) but sometimes i actually take the Responsible Mom hat off and put on the "what the feck is goonie goo goo" hat on. last Friday was one of those nights - let me tell you!!! So kids are gone to in-laws (aka Heaven) and i am at home by myself until hubby comes home from the restaurant...I have really been out of it from the wack on the noggin mid week and really haven't been too "with it". I asked him to perhaps bring home something that may take my headache away....now..this brings us into a level of our relationship that I am not sure we should enter; however, I will plead the 5th if ever questioned...this glorified oregano was something like i have never had before...I really couldn't stop laughing, eating, giggling or drinking my rum n coke...(i actually had to go to the store to fill up again - and that onlyhappens once every 2 weeks usually...not 2 times in 3 nights! Yikes...at least I am not solely to blame...hubby often assists in the pirate punch! anyhow, so I am sitting here, feeling little pain on Friday and have had several cocktails and then he comes home and just stops in the door way...and looks at me and shakes his head and laughs...ok, so the image i'll give you is...our house is quite small but if you are standing in the door, to the immediate left is our staircase and infront of the door is the living room that has a sliding door on the back wall. Our couch is in the middle going horizontally with the back wall and the TV is on the wall where the stairs are facing the back wall... anyhow, so i am on the couch in the corner (my fav. spot for reading, writing, sitting and cuddling) and must have started to drop off because, i was curled up, in my spanky blanky with my hoodie on and the drink in one hand and Princess Pineapplebottomjeans sitting on my knees playing with my icecubes in the drink...(bitch - she had her own drink...) so he wakes me from my coma and we decide to watch some great comedies....we start out of Eddie Murphy's Delerious and then move into Russell Peters Red, White and Brown...I love watching stand up as it is...but really nothing beats Eddie Murphy in a red leather suit on stage throwin down...I started to laugh from the beginning and didn't stop until I went upstairs to pee and came back down and started again...I am sure you can see why... We then watched Russell Peters....and for any of you who do not know who this guy is..he's likely one of the funniest Canadians next to Dan Akroyd. His comedy is really controvercial as he does love to bust all who are in his venue; however my favorite part is when he starts talking about Portuguese people... it made me pee!! We have actually seen a few great comedians in our relationship from Chris Rock to Lisa Lampanelli and I can't tell you just how much I love to laugh....really. If its at someone eles' expense I tend to be remorseful afterwards but when something makes you laugh...you just can't control it. Another one of my favorite parts of RP is when he is doing the Dance Dance Revolution...WATCH IT!!! You'll see! If you used to watch the Andrew Dice Clay stuff, (yes, I am dating myself) but if you liked that, then I would deffinately watch the Joe Rogan (ya the guy from UFC and Fear Factor). His standup was insane!!! Another great standup to watch is the legend Robin Williams... Back to the story..so hubby and I are both comfy on the couch, drinks in hand and I was onto my second wind...we just sat there for a couple hours laughing with eachother...honestly, its times like that that makes you wanna freeze the movie that is our life and stay there...between me and my non-stop giggle fit and his making fun of me for drooling when I was talking...life couldn't have gotten any better!! I know it's not too funny or clever but really, I can't be fucking perfect every day right??? Hope you all are great and update...Panty Pyramid update I have purchased FUNDIES!!!!!!!!!!!! for my first 10 people, guess what chicaa and dude (one guy is in this!!) i am getting the postage together and am aiming to send out by Monday...hope you're getting excited! I know I am! Peace out!!

- Sunday, November 29, 2009

I love baileys n coffee!

That just needs to be said as for no matter what kind of a day I have had there aren't many things in life that just make it all better.

Case in point - baileys n coffee does just that. Other things that melt the ickies away are hugs! Really a great hug is hard to come bye but whenever dan hugs me it feels like a polar bear grasping me;making me warm and loved. The dood also has the power of hug and really I can't get enough! I hate admitting it but getting emails/real mail or anything mail does this too. Literally the first comment I got here or on my facebook I was on cloud 9.

There have been many days when I wondered "why me" or "FML!!" but then I think about how I have a family and great friends..I have a really wonderful hubby, great kids....you know...and then get totally giddy. I love love love them more than I love getting into a freshly made bed; more than I love the entire day after my hair gets done and more than that feeling of when you finally lay down into a hot bubble bath!

These little things we all could/should all do daily gives me that extra pep in ma step.

I know it's a nothing post, but what give you your pep???

ALSO FOR THOSE INTERESTED...Panty Pyramid....I am sending out the first 10 pairs on Tuesday!!!! Wha Wha!!! Can't wait for this thing to begin! Hope you tell your friends and whoever, it'll be amazing!

Feeling concussed

- Thursday, November 26, 2009

olleh ym sdneirf I can't tell you how the past few days have been but I had fallen down the stairs the other day while holdin my son! WTF right? I have no clue what the deal is, but I was 100% sober and it wasn't good. I totally cracked my heed on the stair and I think there may be something happening. I mean, like I have been to work and everything but my head is kiling me...perhaps there is nothing, but perhaps the bump has given me some sort of supernatural sense...a spidey sense..maybe its given me the ability to see into the future... ok, i am reaching with that one but you never know. what else..so the kiddies and i did our annual gingerbread build and we really had a blast. it's funny because the first year we contemplated glue gunning the houses together and this year we had 5 houeses put together in 3.5 minutes and they are still standing!!! I was so proud. Today my American friends are celebrating Thanksgiving and I thought that I would write about what I am thankful for, it's sort of appropriate right? I am thankful for my family...for without my family it would be like a day without light. their laughter seeps through my skin and fills my life with love and happieness. I am thankful for the LCBO for many reasons, but the most prominant one is that they were open tonight and they had what I was craving...a bottle of velvety Amarone; so sweet, tanic, and full of sultry attitude. The bouquet has me intoxicated already, and only 1 glass has been poured. The legs have me second guessing myself and yet I am a very happily married woman. The palate has me salivating as if I have never had even a sip of its sweet nectar. I am sooo thankful for the LCBO...(cheers) I am thankful for my husband because without him, my light would be a cloudy day and there wouldn't be any love in my life. I wouldn't be the woman that I am today and I likely wouldn't have ever met any of you. I am thankful for my job becuase without that, I wouldn't be able to feel my family or take care of their needs. I woudn't be able to have such an affair with New York or food or anything. I am eternally greatful that my husband and I have love for oneanother that is true and pure. That we both have our health enough to work hard for our family. I am totally thankful for the fact that I have some how lost 7 lbs in 2 weeks...I don't know how this happened, but damned if I care...I think my ass is thankful too because most of which has come from there...lending way to my husband's thankfulness that his favourite parts haven't shrunk from this loss. Seriously, I am totally thankful for you (whoever is out there) reading my words. I hope it's not too pathetic for my first submission after the falldown the stairs...but hey, we have to start somehwere. I will say that the panty pyramid is nearing the mark for first delivery. I have recieved 50 correct addresses so far, which is amazing; however, i really would like to ask all of you for some help. I ask if all of you could post the video and button on your sites and dedicate one simple submission to this. I feel really strongly about doing something for myself and knowing that makes me think about how much of an impact this could be for someone else who may be feeling the exact same things! whatdo you think? do you dare to buy some underwares??? Create your own banner at mybannermaker.com! Copy this code to your website to display this banner!

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