Panty Pyramid has a home...and you're all invited!

- Saturday, November 21, 2009

Happy Saturday everyone! It has been one hell of a ride so far let me tell you! I baked today with 4 kids and it was soooo much fun. I have some great pics too below for you to see the fruits of our labour.

Before I go into the fun I had today, I am really proud that I have found time today to get the panty pyramid's page up and running. I hope that whoever reads my site joins and becomes a part of this transformation into a better me! I hope that those readers that share the same feelings about this situation find a bit of hope and join the cause! Its gonna be great and I know there are more of us out there.
Also, BIG BIG BIG GRANNY GITCH-STYLE props to my girl Ex Hot Girl ...I love you for posting about your great white saggy granny's and the Panty Pyramid. I can't wait until everyone gets started with this but thanks to you, I have some new friends and am eternally grateful for your support. I want to send you a pair just because (and I will)! Create your own banner at mybannermaker.com! Copy this code to your website to display this banner!
If you run your own blog, link the PantyPyramidPage (PPP) to your site and say "Down to granny panties; rock on with a thong!!!
Also, I have recieved some pretty fantastic emails about this. There was actually one in particular of a person wanting to gift this crazy idea of new sexy gitch for his wife, without her knowing. Well...this is certainly something we can do, but I need you to provide me your contatc info. For anyone who is participating/signing up, I need your info!! I have listed these details below, but if you are thinking of spicing up someone else's life, then ABSO-friggen-LUTELY!
As I had mentioned, I was baking with the kids today...sugar cookies were on our minds. I have never made my own dough for this before and apparently I suck at it. The batch that I did ended up being so crumbly I couldn't cut out the shapes let alone roll it. In any event, we made Yellow Raspberry icing, Blue Strawberry icing, White Cinnamon icing and Pink Cherry icing to decorate these gems with. I love using chocolate oils for icing because you can really play with your subjects perception...also, they don't change the consistency or colour of your medium.

- Friday, November 20, 2009

So have you ever been caught staring at someone with a stink eye kickn? Well I have and then the fugly girl that just stared frothing at the mouth while smaking her gum and cursing me thinks that I was eye fucking her...cuz I CAN HEAR YOU!!!! I mean really Barbie.. You are not that cute; I don't like box; and now I'm gonna shank you with my stir stick. I mean really folks que pasa? I am a people watcher by nature. I have workd in the service for years and I pick up on tone, body language and social ques. I know that its a bad habit; but i really feel more comfortable in my surroundings when I know who I am near. And let me tell you I am a very great judge of character. My favorite time to watch people is at restaurants. I love the dynamic between man and wife. To see the distance between them - to feel the tensions of a couple who are just trying to make it work. Or the complete oposite you see john and joan out celebrating their 45th wedding anniversary. You can see how much they love oneanother; care for eachother. How with just one look they make you bite your bottom lip and try to capture composure. I love watching people read and breathe in the words. It amazing how the written words of our peers can captivate us; anger us or excite us. I love sseing how people react to love or hate; crime or fiction. I also love watching how anger sets in when the element of suprise takes ahold of you Its funny how those little idiosynchracies make us who we are. It astounds me that after watching all of this that I haven't hauld off and bitch slapped the coont that is still givin me the stink eye. What are the strangest things you have seen? ALSO please let me know your info for the panty pyramid!!!! Send me a comment with your address and size and preference; and when I accept it ill take the personal deets out and publish the rest!!! I am soooo excited with the response so far so please please please keep em coming! Phase one addresses will be accepted until November 30 after that I will get it all together and send out the first shipment and update you each day!!! Peace out home fries!!!!

How is "fake" bad???

- Tuesday, November 17, 2009

So I was talking to my cousin today and he was describing some random administrative assistant and how she was likely fake...fake hair, nails, breasts and it got me thinking....How bad is "fake"??? If you are fake with your friends -YOU SUCK BALLS! If you have fake boobs, then you spent a lot, but you likely feel great about the fact you have a personal floating device always; that you will never feel like a gorilla with Bob's Bitch Tits and their sag; and you will never really feel as if one is bigger than the other. If you have fake hair you may be in porn flicks; have killer amazing hair to style; be named Rapunzel or have spent a lot Fake nails - who hasn't ever done this?? well for the most part, it's way more attractive when you have a manicured paw...but unless it's done right, you deffinately are in for a shock when you realize that the manicurist did a bunk job and now its gonna hurt like balls to get them off.
Fake bootie - ok, butt implants make me laugh as do the undies that have padding...as if we dont have enough padding to keep that stuff in order...ladies, if you need some, i have plenty-o-bootie to go around...
Fake O's -ok. this is where we get into the truth at hand. Ok, so at the ending of the movie "the ugly truth" (my boyfriend Gerard Butler and Kathryn Heigel) you see this smart clip where they just finish, and she is smiling...but you dont know if she did or didn't...and he is CLUELESS!!!! this is where my question comes into play... is faking an Orgasm ok?? is it wrong to do? do men feel robbed if we do? can they really tell (not likely because every woman is an actress) but is it wrong for us to do it? I can't say i have never faked, because that would be a BIG. LIE. but I think that after rethinking my decision, it's robbing me of the glorious moments where I can let go, and just ..... (go to 3:36 cuz its not uploading) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nT3n2wv0vq4
Does faking an "o" burn as many calories or more than if it were real? These are the questions that shatter my sleep!!! Also, many women know when a guy is gonna "shemmmaseeeema shuuuu la la la", why is it so difficult for men to know for us??? Unless we spell....it.....out!!!! I think this just brings us back to the fact that women have it rough in all area...
we have to sit down when we pee (most of us)
we are the ones to get pregnant and have the rodents grow in us
we get pms, mms, and the bitch - and thank you lord because we also get menopause
not only do those things not rank highly on my list of why I love being a women,
we also have to do the "clean up" after and "oh" session...what gives here!!??
the great part is, we can always say with a smile, "yes hunny, i did! thank you....you were amazing!" and they will never know. As a species we should all feel guilt when this happens..right?

Its Raining Gitch and they are all my size!!!

- Sunday, November 15, 2009

Ok friends, welcome to the pathectic admittance that I have a lack in the lady drawer. I have only 6 pairs (not including the 5 or so "when-the-bitch-comes")of undies. Currently my 6 pairs are divided into maternal vs. not and for those who don't know or remember, my last kid was 2.5 years ago! There are serious issues here; however, a great discussion between my friend Bridgiet Jones and I transpired over a box of pinot grigio and a pack of belmont milds. We discovered just how pathetic this is/sounds/is....I am not proud to admit this, but I know that when it comes to actually putting myself first (buying clothes, bras, shoes anything......) I totally suck. I know that it's not like I am the only one who neglects themselves, nor am I the first woman to ever have children, but for me it seems as if I have put so much of myself on hold and it's time to claim it back! I am sick of wearing clothes that say Maternity!! That are too big, too frumpy and too NOT WHO I AM! I am no longer going to wear the ones that have holes in them or the band detaching from the cloth. I want to wear frilly; lacey; skanky; comfy gitch! I want to have 10 drawers full of fun panties and bras that match. I can`t believe that I wore the pair that I had to tie into a knot to keep from falling off - and still haven`t bought a new pair in like 2 years...even though my ass is getting smaller! This is what happens kids...last on the totem pole and you loose yourself...well FUCK THEM APPLES!!! What I am going to do is draw 10 names every two weeks and send out some panties!!! What you do is submit to me your names, addresses and size. Upon sending this information, I will start the pyramid off by sending out 10 pairs (brand new) to these women. Upon reciept of your new undies, you will also recieve 10 addresses. You will then purchase the sizes and send them out to the addresses on the list. Again, the chain grows...be sure to keep yourself in the addresses that are being sent to the recipients so your pyramid can grow. After you have sent out your first 10 (and they are shipped) if you want to continue, let me know and you will go onto level 2..this is where you then purchase 2 pairs per 10 people and send them out.

The goal here is to start to appreciate ourselves just a little more. To start to put that little bit aside for ourselves and to feel sexy! Its just as I had said in one of my first few blogs...when you put a new pair of undies on, your inner soundtrack kicks in and you are walking to your own beat! I will start a new page for this to keep track of our pyramids and we can then see the progression and also roll in our mounds of new gitch! Really though, I am seriously excited about this adventure and welcome any/all feedback, comments and excitement and more...I was serious though, if you send me pics, keep your gitch on!!! I really hope that you all can be a part of this and cant wait to start this off...TELL YOUR FRIENDS and get them involved in it. Tell your co-workers and get them on the band-wagon..its gonna be a great adventure with some SUPRISES along the way!!! xoxox insatiablehost

Still Waters Run Deep; I am your Yoda! PANTY TREE!!!!!!

-

The road to "the fun never stops" eventually ends up at lonely town. This is a sad statement because many of us feel its true if in fact we are so happy with our current life why is that wrong? Why question it ever? Bridget Jones says to me today these very words and I told her to "shut the fuck up for real!" "Easier said than one my friend" she says and then follows it up with "I drink a lot of pinot grigio and you can quote me on that!" What is it about our own happiness that scares the fuck out of us? Why do we think; single married whatever; that if we are happy that there must be something wrong? Why do single girls want the other nonsense? Why do married people stop loving life the way they used to? Where are these answers? Ill tell you where they are... In a box of fuckin wine; on the couch and on a stoop smoking belmont milds. Brilliance at the bottom of a box of wine ! Lick the wood and love life. Smell books and savour you happiness cuz that is all we can know is true happiness!!! I also have fantastic news and really can't wait ti share it with you all! Bridgit Jones and I were discussing my sheer lack of multi pairs of gitch and how utterly pathetic I am with only 6 pairs (3 of which are friggen maternity). YA I SAID IT BITCHES!!! Anyhow we talk more and guess what, because there must be nore womwn like me out there or women who just love shopping for ass floss me abd Bridget Jones are starting the Panty Tree. This isn't some sort of deranged idea but just like many money pyramids its a way to give back and laugh with your friend while dancing in your house in your undies!!! How is it sounding so far? Ok so we are still putting together the pieces but if you want/need/love gitchies sign up by sending me an email with your size and address to ship. Ill post more details as we go but I promise its safe and only brand new ones will come from this (ew I shudder to think). Anyhoo so this is it folks! This is also my first mobile blog I feel soooo urban :)

Friday Night Rum n Coke`s

- Friday, November 13, 2009

Well fuck it`s Friday!!!! At last....I can`t tell you all how friggen extatic I am that it`s the weekend. I usually dont really care either way, but I have plans tomorrow night to see a gal pal I haven`t seen in over a year and I can`t wait!!! I am preemptively enjoying rum n cokes to mark the occasion and also to control my excitement...or make me sleepy...or make me pass out....or just because I love Rum. (oh! and cokes)...
I have been feelin much better as of late also..perhaps my therapist is doing wonders! She may be 5 and call me Brittnay Spears while she calls herself Oprah but, the chick knows her stuff...
OH!! Shit....Did you guys catch that Oprah when she had the poor lady who was mauled by the Chimp on.
What the eff possesses an interviewer, as renowed and esteemed as Ms. Thang herself Oprah...to push a person who has been traumatized and mamed by an animal to the point where her hands and eyeballs are missing along with half (or more) of her face.
How does someone get the balls to sit there after being told that `the doctors dont want me to remember so I dont traumatize myself....`` to then ask...ok, so bring me back to this day when you were regergitated by a chimp...can you tell me anything....
what a bitch move O.W. ....that is classy with the trash on the side.
I really can`t believe what she did!! I dont know...this poor lady who has gone through enough already was now peer pressured into the barrage of questioning that Oprah threw her...I just dont get it.
On to a new topic that I love...GERARD BUTLER!!!! sorry, couldn`t help it. I am watching the Ugly Truth as we speak andhe just makes me...welll....I think the phrase is shumina phrm humina whooo haa OW!
Anyhow, I haven`t been cooking a lot as of late..its sad I know, but I dont know what happened. The time change makes me think that I would like to blame it on that, but when it feels like 11 pm at 6:30 and I just get home from running across the city to get my rodents; I am just spent. Tonight, I am eating pizza; lastnight it was grilled cheese and the night before, it was soup....not even home made soup!!
Ok, GERARD BUTLER STEAMY make outsesh!! Um...losing intrest...quicky....
....slap in the face!!
What else...OH NEW MOON on Thursday! I have my tickets already and as the pathetic fan I am, Burger King is selling a New Moon meal and you can also purchase your Team Edward or Jacob water bottle a head of time. I got mine, andone for the girls and me!!!
SHIT....he is friggen cute! I love seeing guys try to sum themselves up as a man and admit that they love someone and then roll their eyes and talk with an accent and have a 5 o`clock shaddow...sorry friends, I am pathetic and am letting thi move ruin my creative moment...but I am calling it a night...and am going to snuggle in bed with Mr Butler.
Sweet dreams my friends!

Take your problem, cut it in half and then work on the solution....

- Sunday, November 8, 2009

well...it's been a while but I have managed to take the advice of my 5 year old and deal with my shit! As of late, I have been feeling overwhelmed; under-rested and just not right.
I know that November is the dullest month on the calendar - which is odd, because it's really beautiful to watch the seasons turn; feel the crispness of the air and watching nature do it's tango with the winter among us. I really do love to be outside and watch the leaves dance in the breeze and I smile when I still find a flower that has just bloomed as if it held it's breath the longest underground and has won the prize! I love November because it means warm fires and snuggles and coffee with baileys. It means wriggling your toes into your bed and holding on till the last minute in the warmth of the hug that your covers are giving you. November to me is the institution of the 3 snooze rule while the other months get 2. It means that I can shop until I drop and there is a tingly feeling I get when I hear bells! It brings on pumpkins, butternut squash, roasted potato soups topped with bitter chocolate. Christmas dinner, goodies and more....(and usually I would be glowing with anticipation at this point) for some reason, this November is not the same.
I still love everything about November, I still get excited with each of these things; however, I am not as excited as I should be. The reason for this glum drum hoe hum-ness is unknown. I am not searching for answers, or mystery...I am not missing anything from my life. I have a family that I am grateful/thankful and hopeful for daily. I just am. I haven't felt like writing; although the amount of thinking I have been doing lately would translate into a novel series longer than the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings or any given Steven King novel. I am ... I wonder if this is some weird cosmic kismet thing a maroo that happens to women advancing towards their 30s...isn't this the time that I should be trying to know who I am? Shouldn't I be embracing the fact that I am going to have a savvy outlook on life, a stylish approach to accessorizing my life or just the fact that I am friggen great and 30?? No, the dork in me is trying to evaluate what is left to be done before I am 30..
* Married - check
* Kids/Family - check
* cat - check
* lost weight from kids - Um...well...er...(shakes head and hangs it low) Not really at all...
* vacationed - HELLS NO- not unless you consider the honeymoon 6.5 yrs ago
* read 2 books a month - YES!! oooops. I mean -check
* better myself - emotionally, physically and mentally....well it's a wash...we'll say no
* tattoos - check check check!!
but shouldn't there be more??? shouldn't I have a list like the one below??
* climb mountain (doesn't matter how big/small)
* write a book or novelette
* take a dance class
* take yoga
* learn a new language
* teach my kids a craft
* make my wedding album finally -- okay, wait that should be on my list..cuz lord knows (along with my mother-in-law) that I haven't done that yet
* learn a musical instrument 0r re learn one I used to know
* make candles
* go to a new Province and tour it
* save for a house - (again stealing this one)
* save for a trip to Europe - and then go to Europe
I wish I was this person - but I am not..I can't even create/organize my goals and the pursuits that I think I want....GAHHH! Life is so confusing! It's so frustrating! I have no words to explore what I am feeling/thinking right now, but it just sums up to me not being happy with me...how is this so?
I feel that I excel at work so that is great!! Yay for work..but I don't work 24 hrs a day...I live "danon's life" 24 hours a day and when I leave the fortress (office), I walk from a colourful world out the door into the dull November palate of grey, drab and bleck! I NEED TO WAKE UP FROM THIS NONSENSE
I was actually sitting here the other day when my daughter came up to me for a snuggle, and said "momma, are you okay?"...um, pathetic me...starts to tear up and tried to find the answer to best console and inform her..." baby girl...I am ok. I am just having a day. It's kinda like when you wake up and you are still tired...you know? Just that kind of a day." and she is really intuitive and she looks right in my eyes and says " momma, you don't have to tell me a kid answer....what's really up with you? " so after I pick up my hearts pieces from the floor of my inner core...I tried to, within seconds, see what my daughter saw. I tried to put myself in her shoes and tried to look at me. WHAT A FUCKIN MESS I SEE!! I hope she doesn't see that. ...and that was it. I just lost it....I started to sob to my daughter...and as I did, she held me tight and said "no matter what momma, I love your guts!" (which made me sob more; not like Claire Danes in Romeo & Juliette but I was tearing up fo sho). I stopped myself before I scared the little girl into a complex and severe therapeutic sessions. Afterwards I went over to her while she was playing at the table with a craft and I apologized for what happened. I told her that I was just trying to make the right choices in life and that I was struggling with making sure I was doing right by them. You know what she said? well, I bet you can guess because it's been said already... but she said "momma, if you have a problem you have to cut it in half and then work on the solution!"
this from my 5 year old...she knew that most of a problem is just our own shit standing in the way...so there is half of it...and that for the rest, I just have to tackle it one step at a time. How couldn't I have seen this??
So now that she is my shrink (and I think we'll be having weekly sessions now...just cross your fingers that she doesn't start chargin me..) I think that I should take a look at my life through hers and her brother and sisters eyes more often. I can't believe that I have gotten this far with myself being this way...thank god they are smarter than me!
Maybe this is why we have kids....so they can raise us into proper adults! Whatever it is, I am working on it and I have to thank my daughter...
xoxo momma loves your guts too! (yes! and you smelly and dude!!) oh kay...and you too hubby!!

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