Cloudy with a Chance of Insanity...





It's that kinda day when you look at the clock and you swear to god it's been about 3 hours past; however it hasn't even been 5 minutes...


you know those days right?


well Guuuurl you betta listen here....


I know that my random spurts of sanity are something you all may be concerned about; but really you SHOULD be.  Today I have done 2 things that I am still reeling about:


1. I argued with the sales rep at the lingerie store that it's "no wonder, why the wonder bra, leaves me wondering"....she insisted that I was just trying to distract her and when I told her, no "sorry I'm not into chicks" she just stopped and gave me that look...the one from the side where you think they are like "what the fuck did she say?"....  


you may be asking why was I wondering about the wonder bra?  that's another funny story and is also the 2nd thing that is making me reel.


2. I have been dealing with a lot of lady problems... everything from my tits leaking to my dear aunt flo staying for a month - after showing up unannounced.  Ya, she's really a bitch.  Anyhow, so with all of this nonsense I actually decided that seeing a professional (not mental professional) about what was making my body act so out of control.  I had asked them if perhaps I had an alien spawn seed growing inside of me - they responded quite quickly with a "hell no".  I asked it it were possible if my body was so used to be pregnant that perhaps although my tubes were tied that my uterus was taking control of her dementia and was trying to make me crazy.  This they actually thought about, but haven't given me a license to practice medicine so I doubt it.  They did however send me for a battery of tests, blood work, ultrasounds and MRI's I am still left waiting to find out what's wrong.  


The dr's been really sensitive though.  She asked me when the last "milking" I had was (NO JOKE) and then she asked me how much my breasts weigh.


The last time I put them on a scale...


Are you fucking kidding me?  Well after my last milking they were really light, but as I carry 35% milk in my fun bags, today they are about 10 lbs.


Ok, enough joking as jokes about boobies aren't really fun, unless they're fake boobies.  This case and point, mine are real.  But when I told her I didn't know how much my girls weighed she took out a drug scale and told me to unload.


This scale looked like it was hi-jacked from Tony Montana's desk....not that it was covered with a white powdery film but that I swear you would think that with the advances in the medical field - especially surrounding breasts that there would be a super cool scale for them.


Not the case.


Anyhow, so after I found out that I have 9.3 lbs of these bad boys on my chest, I started looking into proper support.  Emotional of course but also from a bra.  I wanted to know about what I could do to help me from falling out of their daily holsters. I have been feeling so trapped with the wardrobe I can wear as constantly they are a concern.


I can't wear button up shirts or they pop out
I can't wear low cut tops as they will be on display
I can't wear a t-shirt as they always look like they are stuffed up to my chin...


I thought that I had been taken care of the last time I went for a fitting (the last time the girls grew) but I am now facing another growth spurt and I am needing some more help.  I finally found 2 great options that don't resemble something crossed between a sports bra or something that my grandmother may have wore.  I feel comfortable but I am seriously missing the $60 per bra that I paid.   Really.  this is how entertaining life is with me.  Don't you wish you were one of the voices in my head?


I am sure that there are bound to be several follow-up appointments that you will be able to laugh through and I am also certain that I might be losing my mind.  With any roadblocks or speed-bumps we face in life, there has got to be some laughter, and I hope that I am able to laugh my way through whatever the heck is happening- I figure as long as I have you guys to laugh at me..  er laugh with me.

1 comments:



Alex said...

I hear you about the leaky boobies...bane of my existence. I think my body is in permanent breast feeding mode.

Hope you find some good tit slings to carry your girls around in.