Lacoste a lot!

Welcome back Cart-er!! So I know it has been a few days since my last rant; however, I have been Super-Cala-Friggen-Busy! Wednesday we had a catering gig for Lacoste and work has been super busy too; I actually dont think I have seen my husband (aside from Wednesday) for about 1.5 weeks...this I have mixed reviews about (um...I was just thinking that rather than saying it lol). So I thought that I would share with you all what we did...I am no photographer or anything; however, I did capture our presentation.

This is my attempt at taking cool pictures of the Chefs...
Cherry Cheesecake on a Bitter Chocolate Graham Crust This is my husband in Chef mode...and ya...he's pretty cute too!
Antipasta Skewers of Sausage, Roasted Red Peppers, Artichoke and Arugala
Smoked Salmon filled with Beet and Habanero Cream Cheese with Arugala Sprouts
Seared Shrimp with Habenaro Oil served on Watermelon Sashimi
So the night was at this really swanky loungy club in Toronto called Vdara and the event was put on by Building Blocx Productions. Catered by Yours Truly (Sous Casa Catering) and also Mr. Sushi was there also. The show itself went well as far as we could tell; however, we were in the back for the most part.
This is just a cool photo I think... And another great one! Anyhow, nothing much new in the life of being insatiable; however tonight is HALLOWEEN and I am really excited for the adventure and we also got a little kitten...Princess PineapplebottomJeans (boots with the fur)...she is a doll!
Trick or Treat!!!

Its a Dance Party in ma pants...

I've got a feeling....that OPRAH rocks da Casbah!!! This video makes me SO happy and always gets my ass goin! My sister once said that if you are having a bad day, crank the tunes no matter where you are and have a dance party!!!! Me thinks that it works! Sophia and Bella are dancing around like a bunch of kids at a rave when all of a sudden Sophia screams " Mom this is so cool it's a dance party in ma pants!"....I can't stop smiling!!

What's up everyone!! So I just looked out my window up into the sky and saw the IH light shining in the sky. Immediately I opened my cupboard...threw all caution to the wind, took a swig of the first thing I could touch (Jack Daniels) and drewback a huge glug....I twirled around 3 times so quick it looked like a mini tornado in my kitchen and all of a suddon I was transformed into my altar ego...Insatiable is here to rescue your day...dooo dododooooooooooooo!

Okay, whatever..but my friend said I let her down today and I am a mess...when was this? How did this happen??? Was I not paying attention? I thought that we covered this today in our preliminary converstation...I know that the majority of our talks consist of heavy amounts of sarcasm and wit; however, if there was something underlying, I was totally focused on myself rather than what you needed... (sorry dude...what do you need???)

Do you need the article written? Do you need words of inspiration??? You can take my Tony Robins book and DVD free with purchase!! OH Wait...I also have the video..."STOP THE INSANITY"...oh wait, better rethink that lend...I am still coping!

Anyhow, if you need me, I am totally here!!! Just call/text/write ..if you are physically injured pls ask a neighbourly passerbye to help you!! Im listed!!

Other than the distress call on crackbook, I have to admist that today bit balls! I tried to keep in a happy mood; however November blahs are taking over, I am PMSing like a muther and I can't remember if it's because it's coming or the after shocks of my last one....what THE feck is going on???

What else...OH! BIG camera has returned into the province and will be back in action! I got a new puddy tat and I will post pics asap! We dont have a name just yet;however, I was kinda hoping that you all could assist! We really like crazy and weird names like PrincessConsuelaBananahammock or Princess PineapplebottomJeans...PLEASE HELP...the cool thing about her is that she is a friend has this friend who found a mother cat who was expecting and she had the babies 8 weeks ago. Sophia has been dreaming about kittens for a while now and we were trying to hold off on pets until we could get a house and whatever thing leads to another, I am a pushover; Dan wanted a pet; the girls were totally extatic about when I said we were gonna see babies - sophia's reaction was.."ooooh momma; you got pregnant for me to have a little baby??? thank you!!!!!"

um no...

so getting a kitten is way better for me than getting knocked up again (ladies, I have 3 under 5... this is birth control for all you youngins and for all of us who have been der bought da Tshirt...I am done - my factory was shut down!) I am happy with a new bitch on the block least it isn't something that requires a tonne of another husband or dog or something...that we ARENT doing until we have a house and a huge backyard!! oh also, no job so I can make sure that nothing else gets eaten; money - incase it does and time to make sure that the puppy gets plenty of walks, runs and love and attention from all of us!

I have been reading a lot as of late about great new restaurants in NYC! There are SO many opening up! I thought we were in a recession? It seems that the trend for 09 is comfort food a la Waverly Inn mixed with a retro feel from "re-opening" a quaint speak-easy and adding in some heavy hitters....I have also updated my list of places that I want to eat before I die..

A Bucketlist of Dining if you will....

French Laundry El Buli Gary Danko Spruce Per Se Scarpetta Il Mulino Locanda Verde Marea NYC Gramercy Tavern/Eleven Madison Park for sure!! Spoon Alinea L20 Tru Blackbird Hungry Mother Sibling Rivralry Morimoto Corton

the list will go on and on and on....but serisously, I have got to start travelling more!!! There is a world of yum yum out there and I must see it! Of course there are places that I have never heard of in Rome or Greece; however, I just want to GO and experience it. I have started a little savings (if you will) of change that I find or whatever, and that is my "Get in My Belly Fund" for hubby and my 10 year wedding anniversary which is in 2.5 years. I would love to do something great and crazy like go to El Buli in Roses Spain and try anything like this...

I couldn't believe just how happy this guy was/is to dine at the worlds best restaurant!!! He friggen got to meet Ferrin Adria - a dream of mine for sure! He could break a loaf of bread to feed a million people and we would likely have an experience similar to Violet from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory....the food would keep on coming with just one bite!

I hope you like this site! Really, the experience that you would have at this restaurant would far surpass anything I could ever dream of or hope for and the way he did this post/blog...Sheer genius!!!

Anyhow,it is now that time where I have to bid you all farewell. I hope you have a great Tuesday...and for my follow up with daily affirmations...

Live "Dance as though no one is watching you. Love as though you have never been hurt before. Sing as though no one can hear you. Live as though heaven is on earth."

Jesus is watching you....steal....

Happy Friday Freaks!!!!

I can't tell you just how much I have laughed today until I share with you the subject to which my belly aches! I go into work today and one of my colleagues DtotheItotheVtotheEtotheR emails me this forward...(for any of you who know me -know that I DtotheEtotheLtotheETE these things! If I dont pass this to 20 friends in the next mila-second I will disintegrate into thin air..whatever!!) Anyhow, but she tells me to read it and promises that I may leak a little pee...I JUMPED ON IT naturally because any excuse to pee in public, I am all over it!! (not really, I swear; I dont think I have ever squatted honestly!) Anyhow, so it's about people at the work place who steal other peoples lunch. I shit you not this is the funniest thing ever!!!
Sorry Dave, but you were kinda asking for this one!!
Dave's do RULE!!!!!
I am sorry to all you vegan's out there..but this is pretty hilarious....Soyfucker????!!!! and Bacon is life - well my life; or part of my life..maybe fairly put an extension of m life!!
This one just sums up my life and workplace in general! It also sadly reminds me of home....but really, what are you thinking...I just need a bite of chocolate..."oooh cupcake genie thank you for thinking of me?"
I honestly dont know why this shocks me but to steal some one's lunch or goods is just me greedy, but I don't have the balls to pull off something like this at all! I can even remember when I was 12 years old my father went to steal the last bite of my steak on my plate and I went to jab with my fork and I stabbed his little sausage fingers!! Not only should you know to never take my steak or anything off my plate, I have this weird thing that I can't feel the pain that I am inflicting on if I bite my hand I know it hurts, but if I bite yours, I wouldn't think it hurt at all...even though I know it totally would! weird and oddly fascinating I know...
Has anyone ever stolen your food??? Did you stab them with your fork or have a blissful revenge??? Are you one of those food thieves....I really want to know what motivates you...what is the modus operandi????

L is for the way you Look at ME!

What's up peeps! It's been a couple days and I was beginning to feel that gravitational know that feeling when you could literally just go sleep off every hour of your day??? Whew, thank fuck I'm truth, I think it was seeing my sister that has made me feel me again... all it took was a little sass and class! SOOOOOO, lastnight I went with my mother to get her from the airport and was GOBSHOCKED that my father attended the arrival also. Not only that..he also was civil with my mom...ok, so there is really no reason why this should be a shock; however, they haven't been civil to oneanother for 15 years and 3 is technically 4; however, I made them sign a document at my wedding to behave...anyhow, so my father tells me that he wouldn't be a proper person; the type of person he has raised us to be if he couldn't forgive my mom and move on... "how can I ever expect to be forgiven for the mistakes I made; when I can't forgive her" was how it went...and there it was...I was totally gapped-mouth and silent. This is a first for me..the silence...but also, I am SO proud of my father. This isn't to say that my mother was horrible or did anything; as she did not. But life isn't fairy tales and melodies and sometimes people do fall out of love...right! This is what happened to my parents and my father carried around a lot of resentment and hatred for many years. That's got to feel like he delivered a baby or tiny elephant! Can you imagine having the weigt lifted off you??? 15 years = 30 lbs in my life...and DAMN I would feel FAN-fuckin-TASTIC if that happened! Truth be known, it has also inspired me...leave it to my father to make a conscience decision to better himself and improve the quality of his life and enjoyment but setting an example for his children...but..then again, that's my dad. I too want to come to terms with who I am and how I present myself...for the past 3 days I have actually dressed up, worn heels, make-up/hair done...I always feel amazing but then there is the day that is dull and gloomy that begs me to pour myself into my jeans with a plain white tee and comfywool sweater over top and put on sum slouchy boots....see you're comfy too right? I have decided that I need to shop for theraputic reasons. I need to bulk up the wardrobe because I only have 3 days worth of dressy clothes and only 1 pair of heels that arent white and 1 pair of wedges. Sassy siestor just went shopping and bought Fabulous boots that I think I could rock with a pair of fitted jeans and top and she also has this KILLER biker jacket - soft brushed leather, brown, NICE!! I totally want it! Anyhow, I tried on her jacket and it was a SIZE SMALL!!!! Ya I totally said it...and Iput it on and it fit!!!I SAID THAT TOO...not only that I usually cry and hate everything when I try to do up the jacket because I have gigantic jugs. They never fit right in shirts and I have never been able to do up a jacket....until today. Perhaps this was a dream and I do know that when I zipped it up, my cheast was squished...a lot...but the point is..I have been diluted!! I could actually do this! I think that I am ready to go out there and shop my gettin-tiny ass out there and buy some sexy clothes!!! I think that since my sister has come home and revived the one fun and sassy bitch back into me and my father has set the bar high with self acceptance and release of whatever ales ya....that this is what I needed!! I am also making goals for the house...I will paint the living room, hallways and stairs ASAP!!! Maybe this weekend bedroom and lastly the kitchen. And with help of my mother (who could decorate a cell to make Martha comfy) we have selected the palates. Hmmmm...I should also go to the garden center and look for one of those pretty know, the ones that have that rare ya!! Money Tree..because I have no clue how I am going to afford to buy myself some new duds AND decorate my house!! I know that there are a lot of options out there for thrift and I WILL find them..oh yes, I will; however, I also want to live in the moment and revel in the thought that I am getting smaller, and startin to look pretty friggen great...and not only that..I am liking myself!! I don't love my ass yet, and I know that Iam not even close to where I need to be -'s the motivation I need to kick my ass daily to keep at it!! WOW...I feel great..aside from my toes being tingly! No clue what it going on with that... Anyhow, more info...So tonight is Hubby McHub's big night at the restaurant, and I couldn't go (sorry babe...if you didn't knock me up 3 times in a row, I would have been there with bells on) as I had no sitter. Anhow, so it was "An Evening in Portugal" at his restaurant and I wanted to share with you the menu he created and the Wine Pairings that I paired...I am really proud of him for this, and I can't wait to see the images of the'll be spectacular!!!

1st Course – Sopa (Soup) Caldo Verde Suggested Wine Pairing: Vinho Verde (non-vintage)
2nd Course Marisco (Shellfish) Camarao and Lulas Recheadas White Wine Poached Shrimp and Stuffed Calamari (filled with rice and linguesa sausage) Suggested Wine Pairing: Adega Coop Ponte da Barca Vinho Verde Rose 2007
3rd Course Aperitivos (Appetizer) Ervilhas A Portugesa Braised Sweet Peas in a tomato Brodo (broth) with Chorizo Sausage, and Topped with Poached egg served with olive oil toast Suggested Wine Pairing: Alfaraz Reserva 2004
4th Course Peixe (Fish) Sardinha assada Grilhado Lemon and Parsley Grilled Sardines topped with a Parsley Salsa Verde with pimenta Suggested Pairing: Beer: Sagres Wine: Calcos do Tanha Reserva 2005
5th Course Peixe (Fish) Bacalhau Terrine of Salted Cod with Black Olives, Onion, Peppers, Boiled Egg and potatoes topped with a black olive tapenade oil Suggested Wine Pairing: Quinta da Romaneira (Q do Romaneira) 2004
6th Course Carnes (Meat) Bitoque 6oz Grilled Top Sirloin, Topped with Fried Egg Suggested Wine Pairing: Quinta da Romaneira (Q do Romaneira) 2004

Anyhow, I hope you all are rockin with your stockins!! Oh, and for my friends who are shedding their winter fur....rather than tempt you with sweets and delights...I'll send my kids to you instead...they are charming, and it's really the gift that keeps on giving!! see here...


G'day mates!! I have had one hell of a day so far and it is likely to last longer than I hoped; however, there is always light at the end of the sister is finally coming home from her quest out west!! She will only be visiting for 3 weeks but, really I am in such need of seistor time you have no clue!!
I have tried to plan a bunch of silly girlie things to do like manies and pedies; shopping, drinks and dinner; movies and a shit-tonne of laughter...the horrible thing is, that I dont have my camera to document the nonsense! My mother-in-law has taken it hostage and crossed the border with it.
I swear I will keep you posted about how it goes and any trouble we get into! I seriously haven't been so excited for anything, aside from my wedding, but that is just a different type of excitement!! This is like first day of college, new hair-cut, new clothes and girls trip kinda fun!!
The weekend was pretty kickass though...Friday I was gonna take the monsters to the movies but they fell asleep before we left so that idea shit the bed before it happened; Saturday I got my hair did...and I must say, it's pretty great!!! I luvs Darcie...she is my colour tech and does a wicked-ass job! I took the 3 munchkins to a birthday party and then Sunday was lazy days!!!
I also did something daring and tried to go lingerie shopping...ok, nothing ex-rated or porn worthy trust me...I didn't even buy anything!! This is where the dilemma is gals!!! I think I am severe need of help..I tried on some great pieces and even ones that were a little bow chica bow wow...and I couldn't muster up the balls to buy anything!! NOT ONE Bra, thong corset or even a pair of socks...I couldn't do it..and I think its a lack of confidence..."dont worry, just wear your typical beige on beige safari gear..Dan liked the crocodile hunter right??" or "you have got to be kidding me...both of my ass' are to fit where?" I think I could have talked myself out of buying just about anything..and clearly I did just that.
What the fuck is wrong with me???
I have to find the inner porn-star or something...Someone throw me a pole...Stella better find her fuckin groove before she turns 30!!!
If any of you have the cadbury secret as to how to embrace your bootie and feel all sex-a-licious and stuff then please PLEASE tell me!! I want to be able to get this new body rockin with some new duds!!
Anyhow, as we left off yesterday,
Conspiracy The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working. This is soooo true!! If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, does it still make a sound?...If you dont see "it" in action...does it exist! There are many things in our daily lives that we can put to this test such as...
America's Next Top Model...have you seen some of these winners?
...okay, let's just put all of the top reality TV shows into that one...because then you have SYTYCD, AI, BL, BB, etc....there has to be a conspiracy there...
Look at how athletes compete for salary/team standings...ok, so I know I can't talk sports and I never claimed that I could - but lets be real here...even after reading "TheFix" there are many more reasons why this conspiracy theory lives...
Anyhow, I know it's nothing fun and dandy; however, I'll make up for it!! I will now bake chocolate chip cookies and send them to anyone who wants me to!! Comment with your mailing address and I'll delete it from the post...this is a chain letter and it will expire if you do not comment...or someone will magically appear out of your computer screen and spank you with a wire brush!! (it's how Jen likes it!)

Capt.VonTrapp just shanked you with a Lipstick Brush

I love love love how great readers of bloggie land are!!! I also am admitting to being one of those people who cry easily and read comments. I think it is so amazing that there is a way to get your thoughts out and say whatever...if it's thank you, you rock or you's totally crazy that we get this chance to read peoples thoughts and comment on them!! I have told y'all about some of the blogs i heart like Ex Hot Girl, A Day in the Wife, The Blogess, Nat the Fat Rat...and the 43.6 million and 2 that I haven't discovered yet or been informed about yet....but the common thread that I have been seeing is just how between writers there is so much appreciation and "you go girl; no you go girl...wait, you're not a girl, but you go too!!"its just fantundaful! (my new word).
I have received a crap ton of emails from people who are reading either my comments or blogs and again...still seeing the love!! So Thanks a gabillion!!! That is amazing...feel free to keep sharing the love and paying it forward...
I have decided to find out your feelings/notions whateves about Daily Affirmations...if you are having a shyte day...let me know...I want to brighten it...tell me about your worst day or situation and I'll shove the sunshine so far up your ass that your teeth will glow brighter than Ross's from friends when he got his teeth bleached!
I have been known to spread the love, give some good advice and also mix a mean let me know!! Whilst I am not able to send you the drink, the thought of what you may write will likely make me drink heavily; thus enhancing my cocktailing ability....Get ready to brace yourself!! For today, I have two for you all to muse about...
REALITY Everyday when I wake up I will tell myself, "It's only a movie." Today's movie is Reality Bites and Empire Records for the soundtrack; Parenthood - because my house is a disaster and the kids are driving me crazy; High Fidelity because John Cusask spends a lot of time in my head....I think we have a real connection!! Yah...we DO!!! and the Sound of music because I wish that I had Maria and Capt. VonTrapp to blow the whistle that strikes command and fear into little people.
COMPROMISE Let's agree to respect each others views, no matter how wrong yours may be. This might sound odd, but as I am grinning ear-to-ear and laughing at how many times this has gone through my's soooo true though..if I haven't told you I am, I am - so deal with it. If I am wrong, I'll admit it, then shank you with my lipstick brush.
xoxo D

Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face.

Things that make me go Hmmmmm bannana nana kaaa ka ka ka!! Old drivers who are TOO OLD TO DRIVE...honestly, I think Im just gonna start running you people over when I see you on the'll make this world a way safer place...and I am starting with you AR84 2EU People who read the last page of books before they read the first...what is the fucking point of reading the book when you just ruined everything that just brought you there...did your parents spoil Santa too early? Did your siblings hate on you??? Whining!!! FUCK I hate wining!! I mean I love my kids dearly,and their voices are like cherubs singing.. Drunk girls who cry - I dont get it!! I want to punch them in the boob. "Ah my gaawd!! I love you....(wretch)'re so pretty...why aren't I pretty....HAyyyy let's go get that guys number"(done in my best drunk valley girl voice) Cocky people - if you think you are better than anyone else...prove it! Bring your friggen A game's a throw down. Bike racks....3 o'clock Farts that dont have homes....if you are gonna let one loose...own it!! Dont blame it on the dead dog over there. Dont tell me your seat is leather and it "rubbed" the wrong way..I know it's not the case! If you are that rotten inside, you are a dirty and sick fuck and next chance I get I am gonna throw you out of my car so you can be someone's speed bump. People who talk to you with out making eye contact. The window of your soul is your eyes! They can tell so much about people. If you are gonna talk to me, at least have the balls to do so. I took psych, I know that when you look up and to the left you are lying... Accusations without merrit - get yer facts straight first then bring it! Getting yelled at because the person yelling is mad at themselves....really. defence mechanisms that we use as humans are fascinating...but why do people get mad at anyone around them when they are just mad at themselves???? this more so happens with guys - but that could also just be part of the asshole gene...we are still researching. Hovering..If I wanted a helicopter simulated ride, I would take one...don't hover over me!! Cigarette butts...this is a weird one, but I hate them!! They get left everywhere....just get rid of them. Put them in a pop can, wet them and throw them out...but dont just leave them infront of me or around on the ground! skinny-bitches - go puke in your closet!! toe nail clippings being left where ever you clip them....get rid of that shit! weggies as if there isn't enough that goes on down your undies want a behind the scense tour Stupid people...this is quite general but you know who you are!!! you are the people who ask the most rediculous questions when you know the answer, and then hang around trailing on for some hope that I have paid attention to your story about your new shawl..What the fuck does that have to do with scrambled eggs??? schedulal vs shhedule/ tomato vs to-maaa-to/ processes vs proces-eeez really...what is up with this...can't we all be on the same page? these are just a few things that get under my skin, urk me and generally make me want to drink! well ok, the last one was thrown in there to make me feel better about the drink in my hand; but it's true! As I have now ranted, I have more BLOG LOVE to give...Julie..A day in the Wife, THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FOR THE BLOGESS!! I stayed up until 3 am yesterday reading her ask blogess and had to put on one of lucas diapers just to make sure that i was prepared! I couldn't stop though..and there was one comment about a guy being such a "douche canoe" and an "ass clam" and I couldn't was involuntary at that point and tears began to fall from my face...FRIGGEN HiLaRiOuS!!!

Dear Bloggess, A very close friend asked me to tell her honestly my opinion of men she dates. For the last couple of months she has been dating a guy and I finally got to meet him last weekend. What a douche canoe. He probably has his own advice column too, 'cause the dude knows EVERYTHING. How can I tell her what a complete assclam she is dating without making her hate me? Staje

You have to tell your friend that the guy is a douche canoe. Not only because she specifically asked you to be honest with her but also because“douche canoe” is probably the single greatest phrase in the history of ever and it must be shared with everyone. Douche canoe. Seriously, I can’t even stop saying it. Read more:

If you haven't read this gal yet...I think you should...after you read me NATURALLY!! Actually, it's been pretty great, I am on the quest for the best written blogs because I want to laugh...I need to laugh and...seriously, how cool would it be to have a wicked tummy and when people say you look great, omg your stomache is answer is "thanks, I laugh a lot!" SOOO Fricken COOL right???

Ok, bed time is fastly approaching...if anyone has anything the share...share - I encourage sharing!!! hope all is great in the land of the bloggies!!

I Shit You Not.

I think we all can attest to doing stupid shit... I can attest to a lot!! I have also dealt with a lot of random things happening to me are just a few to brighten your day! I remember one of my favorite sleepovers was a NKs house...we were in high school and inseparable for the most part of a year and a half..anyhow, like most teenagers we rebelled in almost everything we did..if we were told turn down the music, it was cranked up. If we were told, stay in the house, we would sneak out; if we were told, dont smoke pot....we lit up in the back yard and offered it to our moms... In any event, one night we had just gotten lit pretty friggen nicely and we came in to watch our favorite move "the cutting edge" (just about is when you will hear in the back of your head "toooooooooee piiiiiiick!!") anyhow, so I was sitting by the fire to keep warm (even though it wasn't on), she was on the couch in front of me, and her brother was sitting on the love seat between us both...the usual amount of giggles, snorts and hysteria was brewing when all of a sudden I dont remember a thing!!! I swear...all I know is that I ended up having a 4 minute conversation with my friggen cheese cake! I am not kidding, there weren't any chemicals in this "organic oregano"...but I lost my shiznit! After disusing the fact that it was totally stupid that I was sitting in front of the fire that wasn't on, I then snap back in to reality to see NK and LK staring at me in awe and then both burst out in laughter....God! How do I always find myself the center of every joke!!! There have been many more occasions in my life where I have done stupid things, been made fun of or was just totally in a state of "wtf???!!" Here are a few that came up in the topic at my last girls night!!! I have fell in chicken shit and grew 3 word of a lie! When I was 3-7 years old, we lived on a farm in Caledonia. On this farm we had some pigs, chickens, rabbits, horses and a dog. We also had to draw water from a well (yes Day in the Wife it's true...I am Laura Ingels);; shovel the stables, and collect our eggs for breakfast. One day, I was collecting the eggs from the hen house and my boots go stuck in the muck and I fell was mortifying, face first in chicken shit!!! ya...this is how my life went for many years!!! I have been made fun of for years by my family for this, and all I remember is my pink snowsuit being covered in shit! The next week I still smelled like I had cleaned the coop with my washcloth...and to tell you the truth, I can smell it now...(ugh, i shudder at the thought)...the next thing I recall is trying to get dressed on a Saturday afternoon, and my pants were the worst case of floods that I have seen! I went to my mom and she and I just stared at the now capris! I guess chicken shit is a great fertilizer I have gone on dates and fallen under vans; burnt my ass on a barb wire fence while being completely loaded at my high school prom and not noticed the burn marks until the next day when my ass cheeks had little x's across it....(that was super funny though...I can't even call it embarrassing because I am laughing at myself); I have chipped half my tooth while walking in art bad that half of it had to be replaced. I was grounded by my father for having a club against a boy at my Dutch Reformed Christian School (I am not reformed or Dutch...dont ask) but myself along with Cynthia B came together to unite our passion of hatred towards Peter Zanstra in the 4th grade. He used to pull our hair, make fun of our stunted growth in womanly areas, make sexual references to things we had NO clue about..and I am sure that he still doesn't know...he also told our then boyfriend (ya we were double dating and okay with that) DKH that we were talking about him behind his back so he broke up with us...anyhow, our principal at the time Mr. Voorstma called our parents into the school for a meeting with our teacher Ms. Heizinga (just like it sounds heightchhh-ziiiin-ga) to discuss disciplinary action. Enter my father (aka the Gestapo in our family) decides that reading the children's book "The Five Little Pepperpots and how they Grew" and writing a summary on each paragraph was the precise punishment this type of behavior warranted...I to this date, don't know why though.. I have been hung upside down by my sister, been told that I was adopted by my parents and have also been coerced into running away because of Brussel sprouts. I have had several nerve wracking experiences with losing gum during explicit acts of "what the fuck"; been propositioned by a woman while working - and my bosses watch with fields of delight while I sit there and just shook... I have fallen off horses, rode pigs and still to this day can't really remember what it is like to not have something humiliating happen... While delivering my first born child (in the stages before she slid into home base), I was dealing with a contraction and the bottom of the bed fell off, my ass slid down the bed and I almost landed on the ground....No Joke- and for all you ladies who know what it's like to have your feet in the stirrups and your sunshine brightening every ones day....this was not the case!! When Dan and I were first dating, right around our 1 yr anniversary...he stayed at my moms for the night (a typical occurrence then) and he was standing with his back to my door, and I walked in from the hallway...just as he was pushing his arm though his hoodie, I walked SMACK into his fist and got a black eye!! Seriously, there wasn't anything intended by this at all..but I was sooooo pissed off that I ran downstairs crying and told my mommy!! (He felt awful and really would never hurt a woman physically for sure)...but it was friggen funny!! I have "mission impossibled" my way out of uncanny "situations" remember that shit!! And seriously, this hasn't even scratched the surface... I have made an ass out of myself, or been made out to be an ass or just made out with an "ass" too many times to count....this is why I am who I am.... These few highlights dont even cover the adventures of Dan and Danon!! Dan's sleepeating habits or any of the dumb things I did when I was pregnant! I'll give you a few to muse over...perhaps this week has been particularly bad to you and you may need to laugh until you pee! I once made microwave popcorn while pregnant and blew up the microwave. This only happened because I put the entire box of popcorn and it's 3 packets into the microwave! I was 7 months pregnant with the middle critter and recalled Dans mom telling me how she craved fruit TONNES while being I had an insatiable craving for watermelon...I cut the bitch in half, and hopped into the tub neked and ate the watermelon...the entire watermelon..."uh, I ate a watermelon"!! I ate this thing in the tub because, I could just shower myself mess, no worry...until I couldn't lift my fat ass out of the tub to shower and had to sit there in the water for almost 1.5 hours until Dan came home and rescued me!! I dont even know what else could top that one....I am getting the giggle fits now....but for real...I am an ass and get myself into some crazy predicaments!! I can't wait to hear about some of yours!! Let me know your most embarrassing times - please...maybe I wont feel so bad!! :) Have a great night everyone, its time for a bitch stick and a gimlet!! TGIF!! Tomorrow I am getting my hair did and then going to a 2 year old's party! I have some great pics and the menu from the Chef Table experience that Dan and I had at Treadwells in Port Dalhousie, ON and I can't wait to share with you the experience!!! Until then laugh out loud until your belly hurts!!!

ExHotGirl are you Hailey Mills twin?

So we all know that I can't help but be insatiable about ExHotGirls blog. I'm literally coo coo for cocoa puffs over the reads... She is witty, hilarious, and CrAzY!!!! I know it's cheesy and odd, but there are many similarities..maybe because she is just a girl who bares it all and can let it out...maybe because she doesn't hide behind anything or maybe because she is my "twin" like in Parent Trap..I don't know...EHG is your name Hailey Mills? I don't know what more I can say about how great her blog is..I mean, she writes about her pursuit of weight loss, randomness, embarrassing moments, photography and doesn't miss a beat. Her photography is like nothing I have seen before...and I have several talented amigos who are photographers. and Even when I look at EHG's images, there is something else that is captured. Perhaps her own quest for getting back to her "ideal" self allows her to see her subject's "ideal" self...hmm...maybe that is also why we all crave her blog...I just had an epiphany!! She shared some "linklove" today and I am thankful, grateful and humbled...not only because of that, but because the girl is great!! She supports a lot of sites, gives props a tonne and more! Anyhow, so I guess in bloggy wonderland it's give love to some great reads...aside from ExHotGirl and A Day in the Wife (another hoot to read - especially because Julie is a mother of 3 and knows about the drama associated with American Girls, Princess freak outs and being swarmed by mothers with motivation and a genuine adrenaline rush for working out; while just wanting to be at home watching re-runs of fantastic 80s TV shows LHotP) I don't have a lot of other I am going to modify this... I want to know some great reads! I want to learn about how to search for more and also laugh until my stomach looks like Kate Beckensdale's on the cover of this months esquire mag...and my ass, and my hair...I like my face, so I'll stop there...but I would take her accent! Let me know who you love, why and any quick blurb about them!! I love to read so..let me have them!!! I am starting with.....YOU!

Be happy and read the written words of your peers...they will either make you cry or pee your pants!!! (follow the'll see why!)

Fairy Godmother meet my Inner Oracle

I can't help but wonder what these Roman women did years and years did they know the "in"fashion...who was it who designed the white sheet with golden strappies....the hair the accessories...did they know that they would still be timeless classics?

After watching 300, Hannah Montana - The Movie and a few other flicks over the past couple of days (as I am sickie poo) I have seen these threads in each movie become entwined. Gorgeous ladies, amazing fashion sense and totally unrealistic for the average mother of 3! Where is my fairy godmother already!!! I have a pumpkin in my backyard!! I have 3 kids you can turn into horses!!!
I have been frustrated for most of my life because I have no style. I want to...I try to....and sometimes I have moments of fashion clarity -but I don't have that "thing"!!! I want to be the person who has the trendy boots over her great jeans, with a sweater shirt layering thing with a fur lined vest and amazing bag...this is what I think would represent me best ---yet for some reason, I can't ever find what I am looking for. Not only that, I don't think I have the confidence to venture out there and try new things. I have to admit, that I think I used to have style...but somewhere from the time I pushed out my kids to know, the 2 genes that I had have been sucked away with my wait line, firm breasts and small ass!
I have a few friends that I adore for their fashion sense. Sarah is the Zooey Dechemal in my life. She is into indie bands, vintage movies and can decorate like a mo'fo! She also has the Winona Ryder meets Reece Witherspoon vintage flair in her clothing. She always finds great buys, and can wear anything!!!
There is Seistor!! My little bitch-face sister who is stunning....really stunning see... she really can wear anything too. She is also crafty; she made a purse out of an old silky scarf and 2 belts... I think that she has made her own style out of what she's got...she can dress it up and be classy and be completely comfortable too. This is the way I think I could do it minus the fact that I have no idea on how to go about it...
Lastly, my trendy friendy Tessa. She is a personal shopper - so I know she can do it!! She also loves to push barriers of fashion, and always has a new fun accessory or way to wear something. Now, Tessa is also a girl who can shop. She has come with me and the kids and helped me buy dresses and stuff and I love that she is honest and sincere when doing this. I think it would be way better if the kids weren't with us because then we could also take part in wine and giggles. I think I would also have had more patience to do this...
Anyhow, so with these three chicas I am going to be asking them for style advise and will be making over my wardrobe piece by piece. I think that as I am shedding my "winter coat" that maybe it's about time to ditch the maternity clothes that still haunt my every day clothes. Ya I said it...I haven't been pregnant for 2.5 years and I still have sweaters, jeans and gitch that are maternal. This could have something to do with the lack of confidence...ok, maybe a lot..but I am getting better!!!
I am hoping to channel my inner oracle to find my style. I want to learn to embrace my bootie and caress my curves and luvs myself more...I am on a mission. I was told by my big sistah that the best way to luvs yourself is to get all silky smooth, waxed, tweezed, hair did and everything..get dressed in your best outfit and then take that feeling and hold onto it. You know that feeling when you put on a new bra and undie set? Something really sexy like lace or whatever...and you put it on and no matter what you have over feel amazing!!! Well that's the feeling that you hold on to. Rather than buying a new bra and panty set for every day of my life...I am going to learn how to keep that feeling every day (and maybe will just buy a new set every week or so).
I hate to say it, but Dan is sooo stylie. He just gets it! For whatever reason, he can pull off the rockabillie/punk thing with ease and it drives me crazy. His favorite items to wear are his DC jeans, his etnies (white kicks), his grey hat and a TShirt. This is combined with whatever sweater or hoodie he has over top. He has a great eye for great finds and also has expensive taste! I have asked him time and time again for his help shopping and he doesn't get it. He doesn't think that he has style (or so he says) and he doesn't understand how it is soooo incredibly difficult for me to do this. The best thing that he says is that it doesn't matter what you wear, it's how you feel that makes you "sexy". I think that this is the key...
Now I enter the mall to shop
I pray that I can get through these stores before I flop;
If I should die before I'm I pray through
I pray that I'll find some really great shoes.
Love my curves and the junk in my trunk.
To all those haters, I just don't give a funk!'s feeling like dinner time!!
My favorite dish to make is's so simple and everyone loves it! The other reason why it's my favorite is because it goes great with wine!! Dan got a great bottle of Chianti from a guy at work...I figure it's a sign! Let's make a great pasta and drink the wine!!!
Pasta for me is the same as how I like my pizza. Simple! No fuss!! I take garlic, red onion, tomatoes, olive oil, salt, pepper, spinach and asparagus..maybe a little bit more wine!
Start by putting your skillet pan on medium-high heat and add your chopped garlic and diced onion and sweat them out in the pan with about 3 tblsp of Rachael Ray..sweat it out!! sweat it out!! sweat it out!! (yes, I'm dancing while doing this)
You'll want to get your water boiling for your pasta around this may want to pour yourself a glass of wine to get you through the prep too! It tends to help get the time pass bye. For a pasta selection, I love to use penne rigata (in Italian pen-eh rrrrri-ga-the (rrr-roll your r)) because the tunnels and groves of the noodle grabs the flavours and oil. It also reminds me of my grandma! She loved penne! Anyhow, take another sip and let's get goin!! Once you add the penne to the boiling water, YOU MUST ADD SALT to the water...this will salt the pasta just right. I like to add table salt and maybe like a table spoon for a full pot.
Next you want to add your asparagus that has been chopped, tomatoes and season them with S&P...this is pretty're gonna want to make sure that your garlic doesn't burn. Check your pasta now and if it's past al dente, then you are good to go! Before you strain your noodles, take a ladel or two full of the water and put it in your pan with the asparagus, tomatoes, garlic and everything. The starch from the noodles gets into the water and it will thicken up your sauce for your pasta. Then you can strain your noodles.
In the final stages of your pasta you're gonna add your noodles to your tomatoes, asparagus, garlic and oil and add a couple hand fulls of spinach. Fold your pasta over everything and keep it on the heat for just a few more minutes adding a finishing touch of salt and pepper. have a simple yet healthy pasta that you and anyone who is over can enjoy! The best part of still have 3 glasses of wine left over to enjoy while you savour your meal!!

Anyhow kids, I am going to go pass out. My prescription has kicked in, and I am getting a little woozey! Hope you had fun and if you have any great fashion finds or anything let me know!! I'll leave you with the random question of the day:

If you were a sandwhich, what kind would you be?

Bacon is my new Religion

Happy Gobble Gobble to all my Canadian peeps!!

I have finally shook the hangover from Thanksgiving off and am totally revved to go! After the amazing meals of last night and tonight and the kick ass breakfasts that I made both days..I can't say exactly if I gained weight, but I am very thankful for my comfy clothes that mask the "fullness".
Yesterday I wanted to make a filling and great breakfast for Dan's birthday. I wanted to do something comfy and something that will last the day because we wanted to get out and enjoy the day at the park or I made Momma P's breakfast sammies!!!
I woke up pretty early because smelly doesn't sleep much, but it gave us a great chance to get a start on our day! I literally had nothing in the fridge, so she and I went to the store to get some things for breakfast for Daddy's bday. We wanted to make something great - something to sustain us through our adventure for the day!
Momma P's Breakfast Sammies started a while back when the kids wanted to go get McDonalds breakfast and I wasn't in the position to buy it...we have moved from the original versions a lot; and now we just love the fact that in 10 minutes we have something way better, delicious and can eat it in our jammies.
What you'll need:
Roma Tomatoes
Fresh Loaf of Bread (I prefer Ciabatta)
Stilton or Brie Cheese
Olive Oil

Its pretty simple folks, I like to cut the bread on a diagonal to make the sandwiches nice and thick...then I put olive oil and a little coarse salt on the bread - this will get broiled nicely.

Eggs, I like to fry them in butter. Say what you just tastes better! So I use non-salted butter and just a little bit for the pan. I also like to put a little bit of hot pepper dust (our friends Tim and Brianne smoke peppers and make this powder of hotness - it friggen rocks!! ) so I dust the eggs, and S&P it.

The bacony goodness gets baked in the oven on 400 and I make sure to drain the grease off as much as possible. Baking the bacon is a great way to reduce the fat and also get a thorough cooking - especially for those of you who like it a little crispy (like me!)

I get the bread in the oven after the bacon is ready and put it on low broil. ***Tip of the day..Broil both sides -so there isn't sogginess anywhere.

After the major players are ready the assembly begins. I get the toasted ciabatta and put avocado slices all over, get the tomato, egg, bacon and spinach on top and then I get the brie or Stilton (that day it was Stilton) and spread it on the other piece of bread and close up shop!

I cant tell you just how delicious these sammies were...perhaps Bella can show you!

Stuffing the Ying Yang

GILT!!!! Gawd I Love Turkey!!!! It's Canadian Thanksgiving this weekend and I can't wait to over indulge in turkey and the fixins. I can't say that I wont feel guilty afterward or that I wont swear off bad food after all is said and done; however, I really am getting exited! I love the get together with my hubbies family today because everyone comes, we all have a great dinner, talk over wine, laugh over his vovo's crab dish and giggle while eating a tonne of shrimp. The evening winds down in true Portuguese fashion with seafood, coffee, dessert and brandy. Although you will rarely find me pass on bevies; you may see me squint and decline brandy (me no likey the boozie boozie feeling). Its worse than the burn that nail polish remover leaves in your throat! I do however, love to overcompensate for that loss with baileys!! After the 7 deadly sins are savoured the games, monopoly, scatagories, catch doesn't matter!! We all gather round the table and laugh with eachother. I can't wait...I am sooo friggen excited! I'll post pictures tonight when I come home - perhaps in the morning in case I have a buzz...(most likely) Happy Gobble Gobble To All And a Tryptophan Induced Sleep Tonight!! insatiablehost

Random WTF!!! Who's that girl???

So of all nights last night we go to one of our closest friends wedding. Congrats Binky!!! It was a rainy day in pizzaville but it didn't dampen the spirit of "wedding". I was totally struggling with what to wear as you may recall my shopping nightmare - and I am proud to inform you that I documented my transformation from me to "Who's that girl?" I think that while channelling my inner Audrey Hepburn worked as I had a cute little scoop neck black dress that conveniently had pockets on the sides (cut on angle to not give the poof). The dress was just above my knee, and as the twins are pretty large, I used Tessa's advise and wore a cami. Thank god she knows how to tame the beasts!!!

I have gone from meh to mmmm (according to my spouse) in 60 seconds.

I actually felt amazing all night! I am not sure if it was the 31/2 inch heels, the umpteen Gin and 7s or the euphoria from telling the Lulu Lemon Drill Sergent off earlier..maybe all three..but I don't think that I have felt so confident before....BIG change since a few days ago!!

I think it was the shoes!!!!

The wedding was great, lots of friends, great conversation and the usual amount of jokes, abuse and alcohol topped off with getting home at 4 am and waking up at 9 to get the kids. Can I just tell you that my head today was in neutral. I wish I could have the auto pilot from MIB in the mommavan that I drive because on days like this it would totally ROCK!!

Tomorrow brings a whole new day and a great one at's Dan's 31 bday!!!! I am so excited for it also, as it would have been my grandmother's 90th. She passed away 2 years ago mother's day and she was the shit!! Actually, she called herself the "brick shit-house" --appropriate fo sho! Even though I am completely incomplete without her, and my children weren't able to know her like I did..I know that the dood and her would be like Fred and Ginger and the girls would just want to listen to her laugh. Its funny that they still call her Grandma Cinderella..and every time I hear it, I feel that much closer to her.

Tomorrow I am going to go visit her, bring a coffee and cigarette for her and hope that if it's a warm day out - that it's her way of hugging us and letting us know she's still there. In loving memory of my grandmother MLS xoxo

"chi trova un amico, trova un tesoro"

Grandmas hold our tiny hands for just a little while, but our hearts forever.

LuLu Lemon Mothers and Vanilla Chai Lattes

I decided to launch off my purple micro suede couch today and go for a jog in the rain! Yay me!!! Motivation, enthusiasm, exercise and more! So I make my way downtown to the apparent "runner core" of Btown Ontario and I look around me and all I see are these robot freaks with LuLu Lemon's logo on them. They are everywhere!!! Following me, pushing me out of the way, yelling at me "get out of the way fat @ss!!!" What happened here people?? I thought that running was for one's own self. I thought that running was to make you feel better about yourself. Well this is the truth ladies and gents! I start to run around again and realize that I am nearing Starbucks! I think to myself SALVATION!! but I want to resist. I can't, but I have to ...but I can't....Reduced Fat Turkey Bacon Sandwich and Grande Vanilla Chai Latte!!!!! Oh sweet jesus where have you been all my life!! The first bite is just as I remember my good! After my surroundings stop swirling around me I realize that I am again swarmed by LuLu Lemon mothers like moths around my Corona's lime. They are fricken everywhere!!! And they are staring at me again...or so I think! Son I sit down to read the new Victoria Secret Catalogue and I overhear this mother blasting her friend about how her husband doesn't respect her ass. Literally, this is what she said

Tom doesn't respect my ass....he said that my ass is like the worst thing in the world. He said that my ass makes a jack-o-lantern look like Megan Fox. Like wtf? He should be so lucky to have my least its not like hers....

insert GO FUCK YOURSELF face here!!!!

I am sitting here and this bitch is looking dead at me, pointing at me with her finger and freaky stink eye. Her half fat, no raw, skinny latte or whatever the frig jackolantern-no respect assed woman drinks. I couldn't believe it. I stood up from my table glared at the witch and eyeballed her up and down...then she says "what? ugh.." so I am pretty much at my threshold of putting up with skinny bitch freaks that are on too much caffeine and guess what, she was the last of it. I walked over to her and asked

"why do you think that your husband doesn't respect your ass? how do think he feels when he looks at you; hears your voice and has to live with the fact that he is stuck with you and your pathetic lulu lemon wardrobe for the rest of his life. Do you KNOW, that if you for one second actually looked into my eyes, you would see that I am sooo not like you and sooo thankful for not becoming like you. My ass may be larger than yours, and my clothes may not be more expensive than my car payment; however, I happen to enjoy looking at your face right now, because it makes me feel great!!! I feel great because at least my husband is happy to come home to my ass, and he likes it! enjoy your coffee lady, i hope you burn your tongue on it and spill it on your clothes. (and just as I turn on my heel to walk away satisfied I add)...and by the way, the barista used whole fat milk in your coffee and I think you just gained a pound!"

Thats Right Bitches!!!!!! I feel friggen GREAT!!! I think I channeled my inner Erin Brocovitch...

"I hope you like that was brought in from Hinkley." or "that's all you got lady! Two wrong feet and fucking ugly shoes!"

I left Starbucks feeling as if Rocky did when he kicked the shit out of Dolff Lander and ran home, with a steady pace. I also cleaned the kitchen, made the beds, folded some laundry, and started to get ready for the wedding. I think I'm gonna look HOT!!!

I'll post, sarcasm and more...if you have told off anyone, and think you deserve an oscar...let me know!! I want to hear it...even re-inact tape yourself telling someone off; re-inact your favorite bitch out I want to see it/hear it!!!

one should never eat one's own ass!!

While you are reading this blog, I hope that the Beyonce song gets stuck in your head!!
All the skinny bitches, All the skinny bitches
All the skinny bitches, All the skinny bitches
Now back the eff off!
Out at the store, cuz I want more;
I'm doing my own thing;
I decided to splurge; now you're given me words
Cuz I'm tryin to fit in to everything.
Im grabbin this; Im grabbin that;
Don't pay me any attention; Now I'm cryin tears, cuz I had 3 kids You can't be mad at me!
Cuz if I look bad you should tell me the truth
Cuz if you don't I gonna look like a goof
Don't be mad at me becuase I'm not a size 4
Cuz if it looks bad you should tell me the truth
oh oh oh .....
So I go shopping for this wedding that I am attending tonight!! And all I want to do is find something similar to a garbage bag, with a red "pop" similar to the tie strings that are found on said garb. I go into the usual places for clothes - XX1, H&M, Le Chateau, Guess, Winners and more and each and everytime I am confronted by "SKINNY BITCHES" They are friggen everywhere!!! I know that I can't hate because they are built like children - for the most part, I really just think they are - but why should I be so mad?? Anyhow, so store number 1, I find a couple of things that look cute on the hanger and I see some other rounder, junk-in-the-trunk chicks there so I am thinking oK!! I can do this!! well dumb me for being so positive!
I get into the jailcell they call a changeroom, where the flourecent lights are making my skin look green, my hair look like shit and my ba dunk-a-dunk look like my kids are hiding upinder! This is no fun house mirror either, it looks legit!
you would think that someone would make mirrors that let you see how you want to see yourself - sales would go through the rooF!! Lest, I digress....
Anyhow, so outfit 1 - FLOP Outfit 2 - disaster
Outfit 3 - not bad...
Outfit 4 - ick - and the size 2 skinny bitch tells me, oh my god that is sooo hot!
sorry skinny bitch, but Go Fuck Yourself!! It doesn't look hot. I can see my underwear lines, my mommabelly that reminds me daily at least 3 people in my life love me unconditionally and also, where the buttons are, they are popping at the seams because my twin jugs are HUGE! how the hell does this look hot??? Do I look like you at the end of a night of binge drinking your mothers peach schnapps>?? all messy, tangled and disasterous??? wtf?!
Immediately, I leave said store and throw everything at skinnybitch #1.
Store number 2- usually I can find stuff at Le Chateau - and even though it's more pricey now they do have my size...14ish. So my general rule of thumb is look for the best dressed sales person and ask for help! I myself don't feel confident in myself to pick out an outfit at times and if they can dress themselves great, maybe they can dress me! I spot SkinnyBitch 2 and I am trembling inside. I start to think that my game plan sucks the big one because, she can only dress skinny bitches good.
I think that in truth if she had to dress me, she would have to put two of her heads together to get the size of my cheast compared to hers and also, understand that I have a tiny waist...but a big ass. These things dont cross skinny bitch minds you see. They are all leg, torso and that's it! They have more volume in their hair -it's true..mean for sure, but really...what else ??
So we skant around the store and she helps me see the "inner beauty girlfriend" and tells me Im a hot momma! (Ok, so I thanked her for that, because she did seem like she meant it - but all good sales people are liars too!!) anyhow, so I try this purple dress on and feel like a sausage with weird ripples of purple; I try my fool proof black widelegged dress pants with a hot shirt- and instantly I am comfortable but i say NO! I have to do something different, something girly, something INSATIABLE!
I then try on the outfit below and was feeling ok, but when she saw me she was all....ooooh and made me nausiated! I liked the shirt aside from the rolly polly and my jugs hanging out and the pants are ok...untill I saw my ass looked like a soggy diaper. Does my ass look like this? I dont really know my ass well seeing it's like Ireland and no one really knows how big it is...I just couldn't fathom that my ass was so wide/flat/pancake like. depressing. I left immediately and vowed to never eat a pancake again - because one should never eat one's own ass.
Pancake ass to the right??
Tiny waist...too much junk in the trunk!
Anyhow, so I leave store number 2 feeling a little defeated. I am not going to's hard to make yourself feel amazing and go shopping! Unless you are high...which I dont reccommend becuase a. your gonna get the munchies - not cool and depending on what you are high on you could potentially buy trippy clothing, or just believe anything anyone says - and look like a club kid (nothing against club kids- but it's not me and certainly not for a formal wedding).
Store number we go again...another said skinny bitch and this time, I am in tears! I lock myself in the changeroom cell and begin to try and pick the pieces of my pride off the floor and dont even finish trying the articles I selected on. I am mortified..and feeling quite foolish. Who am I to think that I could feel great and look great in these clothes??? Why do I have the image of what I should look like in my head and it doesn't translate into real life!!
I leave the mall, grab my pride and drag it behind me like Lyness' blanked and truck home....what the fuck am I going to wear????? Maybe I'll wear Dan's suit and he can wear some sexy black dress. He's got the figure for it!!
For all you skinny bitches out there who try to sell clothing to women size 11 and up...please be cautious of our feelings. We are sensative and just because we have a big appearance, doesn't mean that we have skin like leather! Please make suggestions that are relavent and that would look great. Maybe study the art of dressing larger sizes and have suggestions!!! Dont just cascade the walls and hope that if we buy double of everything we can get a seamstress to sew it together to cover us..because WE CAN'T
And, if you are great at your job, can you please send me your name and the store you work at...I am a creature of habit and I would drive to Calamazoo if that meant that I could be trendy, sexy and confident all at once!
I'll post tomorrow with be the judge!!

Bliggity Bloggity Boo!

Sala madula mitchi kabula bliggity bloggity boo Put em together and what do you got? Bliggity Bloggity Boo! Ok, so where the eff is my fairy god mother???I have cleaned the ashes, done the tapestries, washed the floors, did the laundry and am still waiting for a mystical pumpkin to turn into my chariot and take me away from here! I cant say how I would really love if this actually were the case. If the sugar daddy wait list actually cashed in or if my red ruby shoes worked -but so far I have tried it all and still nothing!!! 3 kids, 6 years of marriage, 2 much stress and1 hell of an insatiable appetite is the sum of my life. Although I am insanely happy about the critters, hubby, and job I do feel as if there is some sort of hex or "I'm a victim of voodoo" going on. If any of you have a voodoodoll of me - 1. what the hell did I do to you? 2. please stop!!! So far this year, the only luck that I have had is bad... we have gone through a lot of shizzle since January and it seems as if it's not stopping. Case in point - today FLAT FRIGGEN TIRE

  • Car Accidents x 2 1 in may we were rear ended and 1 Dan was in a bad wreck
  • Blown Tires/Things in Tires -to date (we are at tire number 6) no lies..I can't begin to tell you how pissed/humiliated I was today. I leave work and find that wobbling/floppy noise following me. I stop the car and have a FLAT..(insert hands pulling hair out here) then my two friends who saw me gave me encouragement and asked if i was ok (this is talking me off the ledge Holly - close enough?) I didn't even have a loonie on me to get air. YES FOLKS air costs .50 -1.00 these days...dont get me to start
  • occupational reorganization -for the better - Dan is way better suited at his new restaurant; however, him being off work fora while - too much
  • Car breaking down
  • Dan driving his moms car and the wheel fell of - well the axle broke..either way not cool

and more..what can I say...too much for my tolerance. I am actually in the midst of making my goals for 2010. I will be turning 30 and want to be fabulouso! I want to be comfortable with who I am, do fun things, explore more and eat great (yet mildly healthy) food. What's more,is that I want to be able to wake up daily and love my day not matter what! I have learned few things from TV shows that have helped me through each day but a particular 90210(ORIGINAL Cast) Brenda helps Brandon at the Peach Pit and she can't hack it. So Laverne (La-voyne) awakes. You gotta "fake it till ya make it"

After all the skeptical thoughts that I encounter on a daily basis, I keep trying to stay focused on not letting me get "down" but its honour of Brenda, Laverne, The Peach Pit and the Shyte Day I have had tonight's dinner ...(I just ate my feelings and I am full!)

The feast begins with crispy wontons with crab and cream cheese stuffed in them and ends with homemade stir fry with chicken and shrimp.

Stuffed Wontons

You will need to get a pack of wonton wrappers. To use them you have to keep them as dry as possible. Use one square at a time, and use a dollop of dip. Wet the edges with water and fold into a triangle. You will then take the two corners and join them together.

Skillet with oil or deep fryer

Crab meat (artificial)

Cream cheese (whipped)

Stuffing: Add cream cheese and crab together, salt, pepper, Rachael Ray together and mix. Other flavours that compliment are hot peppers, chili powder or garlic. Get your oil going on medium heat (over the stove) or in your deep fryer, to the "Fry temperature" around 350 ish - you don't want your oil to burn or your food. Then place a few in the oil (to cover) and cook until golden brown.

I love to serve them with a Thai Chili Sauce!

The Stir fry was a combination of again - everything in my fridge.

10 shrimp 1 left over chicken breast Bok Choy Carrots Red and Yellow Peppers Watercres Mushroom (any kind you have) Zucchini (green and yellow) Snow peas I take soya sauce, fish sauce, sesame oil (1/2 tbsp at a time and to taste) and I get all the veggies nice and tender. I also use a crapload of garlic and red onion to get the flavours all tasty. As always, I cook the carrots, peppers, snow peas and zucchini first with the garlic and onion. This way I am not over cooking the veggies. Then I add the other stuffy...bok choy, mushrooms etc. In my George Foreman I have the chicken reheating and I have lightly seasoned again with S&P and Rachael Ray to freshen the flavour. The shrimp that was left over, I took the shells off and added them in the veggies. I also took out 3 cubes of chicken stock to add into the veggies so they weren't too dry. In my stock pot I have salted water boiling so I could get the chow mien noodles going. I find that Asian noodles aren't as starchy as traditional pasta so you don't have to cook it too long. Anyhow, so water boils, I add the noodles, and salt the water. I put the sauce together with the veggies and let them dance with each other for a while. As soon as the noodles are done, I take a ladle and half of the water out and put in the stir fry(so the sauce is silky and not sticky). I strain the noodles and add them to the party in the skillet and add the poulet and shrimp. I gently fold the layers of flavour together and all I can smell is fresh and great! Again, drooling. After everything is together, I plate it and add a light dusting of 5-Spice to the tops of each portion and in mine I add the Chinese Chili's for some heat. Tonight is the end of an extremely long week both personally and work-wise, so Asahi is whats being served. I LOVE Japanese Beer, and as far as quenching thirst and matching my meal it's got to be the best pairing. It's like stout with chocolate; apple pie and ice cream; coffee with bailey's or chocolate chip cookies with milk! I hope that tomorrow is a great day! If not, then I'll put the smile on my face and serve up some Peach Pie, Cherry Pie and Suga Pie!

until then