Im just a Girl...in the world...

Let’s go back nearly 30 years ago... So here it is New Years, 1979 and there my momma is at a Party, 1 week plus over do, and I decide it's now time to make my grand entrance into the world. I was born Danon Louise R&(^#)_ and I was the first New Years Baby for 1980 in my home town. YAH THAT'S RIGHT, IM A FRIGGEN CELEBRITY!! But they did forget to name that street after me; instead a few years later, they decided that bacterial culture with fruit on the bottom was just as comparable. mmmdanonne! I have an older sister who I refer to as Big Momma, myself, SEISTOR, and LJ my brotha. We are all uniquely different yet sooo fricken the same it's scary. Big Momma is older by 4 1/2 years, which is just enough to disagree on pretty much everything. I think she plotted to kill me when I was younger; from hanging me by my ankles over the banister to actually playing hide and seek with me in the dark and she took off with her friends. (NO LIES HERE EVER!! remember that). She continually told me that I was adopted when I was younger also - not that I am against adoption because I am not...but she tried to alienate me for the better part of my younger years. Now we are both mothers and we both are neurotic and both have potty mouths. Case in point...our Christmas cards literally say "merry Christmas douche bag/bitch face" or anything else we can conjure up. I also have a firm belief that if you add "bag" too any word it's offensive and could also but an end to the war on humanity. Ass bag Douche bag Shit bag Dog bag skeeze bag ....I’m sure you get it...butthanks to friend #2 for ruining that just now with "grocery bag" She claims its the word before bag that makes it offensive... (whatever, i'll let her have this one but when I see her tomorrow...she'll be getting a bag!!) So Big Momma and I are on even playing ground now. We both put everything possible in front of ourselves and do anything we can to make things work. We both are moms that do without so our kids have it all...I would never change that. (This isn't a rant that I go without either- so don’t think I’m whining) Myself...well...you'll get there...but I will tell you that growing up, I was made fun of A TONNE! I walked home crying before, had all my friends turn on me and was uprooted by moving over 21 times while I was in public middle and high school that I ended up just blending in to the walls. I have few friends from these times; however, they are of the closest 4 people to me because of this and have never judged me. Through many unfortunate scenarios, I have grown up a lot and have been put to the test many times also...I am so thankful though...If I didn't go through whatever shit went down, would I still be as great as I am today? Likely not. Seistor, is my absolute bestie....she is my little sister and there is 8 years between us. We are both Capricorns - which sucked when we were younger because we would fight tooth and nail that each of us were right and even when we would agree, it would be just so we could make the other shut up and walk away still feeling the victor. We enjoy everything from mani's pedi's to getting trashed. We have held each other’s heads up over the toilet on the same night and her smile makes me friggen lose it. She is witty and fun and I hate the shit out of her because she is tall, hot and has a rockin voice...these are things that I feel because I am older, I should have had some of also. She also has fashion sense (of which I think I need some but my mom favoured her to have it all as in truth, Jacks is the best dressed person in our family- even extended family...) LJ is the Brother...he is 5 years younger than I and it's hard to say. We talk off and on, and we get along at functions but he is really just ...how do I say it? He is just cut and dry. If you call him and say “I just called to see how you were" he would sit there and wait for you to ask "so...how are you" and you know what he would say "fine. can I go?". He is recently a father, and I think for the kid’s sake...my brother is THE BEST DADDY!! He is always there, helping, playing and teaching. My brother is also the handiest guy around. When he was 12 he built a computer out of a shoe box.the kid's a freak. He also can build anything wire it and could make MacGyver sweat paperclips from his ass if they had to get into a battle of who is more resourceful. LJ is funny and hilarious and has been known to do a lot of stupid shit (jump off a townhouse roof and land on his feet while inebriated) again, I wouldn't change a thing and if ANYONE f*cked with him messed with his stuff or broke his heart, I would hunt them down like the voltari in the end of Breaking Dawn and rip them limb from limb. The folks are split, so I will explain separately. Mom is Diane Keaton starring in Because I Said So, The Family Stone, Mad Money and Baby Boom. She has taught me that although life isn't easy; you take the shit that everyone feeds you and you throw in the air and it becomes limes to make margaritas with! She really loves us with the real meaning behind it, not just because she has too; but because no matter what she is always there trying to push us through, hold us up and piece back our pride piece by piece. <3 momma <3 Father...well...that could be a long rant...but he is everything my brother is and more. He taught me work ethic and determination and to never settle for good enough- because it's just not good enough. He punished me by making me read The 5 Little Pepperpots and How they Grew and writing essays. He didn't let me get my hair cut until I was 16; he selected my course load through high school and college...he drove me insane! Now, I see that he only wants what is best for me and that he loves unconditionally. His unconditional is with rational points and coaching - it's just how he is! <3 daddy That is the family unit...then there is me... *I am almost 30 - FUCK!! I am almost 30...what have I done??? *I went to high school and graduated! Unlike many people that went to high school with us... *I went to college for Legal Assistant and dropped out; paid back the government with interest and to this day, don't know why I went for the course. *I was drunk, smoked a lot of weeee and partying too much to study; however, my grades kicked ass and I did meet friend number 5. She is another gem I hold to my heart. I have to say that if she were a gem she would be amber...warm gentle kind and a treasure with fire inside.(<3KB) *I live breathe eat and ingest the restaurant world... *Occupation: dining specialist *Hobbies: drinking, eating, laughing, reading, writing, drinking, eating food and drinking...I also love to take pictures...although truth be told, I get great shots...but not consistantly...check my FB, it's true...I love movies..I find myself being that person who is constantly referring to movies to explain someone, something or it's like that one time...in band camp! *Music...well, I like music, I love to belt out tunes in the car, but I really don’t know a lot about it. I have been to 5 concerts in my life and tomorrow is my 6th. *I have 3 kids...So and Smelly are 13 months apart. Smelly and the dood are 21 months apart.I dont remember a lot of the last 5 years as it's a busy and chaotic life..but having said that, I have never had so many belly laughs or joys. *I was married when I was 23..people thought I was too young- who the fuck cares... *I am still married - ha ha...told ya so! *I think that I am a pretty cool person, and I do have a great sense of humour...right????@!!!! *I am constantly amazed each day that I learn something new about my husband and that together we are making it through parenthood, marriage and life together...and still manage to have a great relationship. We have our ups and downs (although I would prefer more of them to be in bed) we get through them together....it ain't easy but TOTALLY WORTH IT!! What else...I don't know what else to say...I have TATTOOS! I love ink and I will likely not stop. I don’t have piercings - it kind of freaks me out. I used to - but what is the metal bar really doing inside of my body??? Ok, I know you are thinking, well the ink that is being forced by millions of pricks is any better?? and for me YES IT IS! if you have a problem with that...meet me at the bike rack at 3 bitches! The love of food and wine has grown to a mass obsession over the past few years. After my occupation was aligned with my priorities in life, I am now obsessed with New York City; although I have only been 1 time in my life when I was 12. I think I actually know NY better than my small town of Burlington Ontario...but I couldn't afford to live there so I will admire from afar. As my "hot" Friday night winds down to the last bit of wine in my glass, I feel warm and cozy inside. I am sombre and totally excited for seeing friend number 2 tomorrow. I haven't seen her in 6.5 months (which really is pathetic as we live a city apart) and I can't wait to have a fun night out. Dinner, drinks and KeithUrban's sweet ass! Anyhow, I'll update when I’m home tomorrow...it may be a sloppy one, but hey...who's reading??? Take care and until tomorrow... So long farewell, auf weidersehen good-bye Marta: I hate to go and leave this pretty sight So long farewell, auf weidersehen adieu Freidrich: Adieu, adieu, to you and you and you So long farewell, au revior auf weidersehen Liesl: I'd like to stay and taste my first champagne Yes? Captain: No So long farewell, auf weidersehen goodnight Kurt: I leave and heave a sigh and say good bye - goodbyyyyyyeeeee! Brigitta: I'm glad... to go.... I cannot tell a lie Louisa: I fleet, I float, I fleetly flee I fly... Gretl: The sun... has gone... to bed and so must I...So long...farewell...auf weidersehen goodbye...Goodbye...

2 comments:



Jennifer Brindley said...

You officially win the prize for longest, most awesomest comment ever. Thank you so much... I really appreciate your kind words and I really like your suggestions. I'm gonna take them to heart. Thanks again, it means a lot! :)

~Jenn (Ex Hot Girl)

Organic Meatbag said...

Hmmm...the timing of your conception/birth now leads me to believe that YOU were responsible for the death of Disco...hahaha!