SPAM's a bitch!

Dearest Readers who are still here, and haven't given up on my like the 4 former readers did.

Today's subject is something that I feel strongly about...ney, ADAMANTLY about...  FUCKING SPAMMERS!!!!   I really don't care about Mr. Sommadublahhaha from Usbeckistan who tells me that I have important business to attend to.  I could give a fucking shit about Madame Ella Mastromeolahon who tells me that we are dear long lost friends.  I don't need friends with strings attached!  I get that on a monthly basis when I have to deal with Aunt Flo...

Spammers are people that have too much time on their hands who also have stolen my email address to tell me these things that I don't care about.  You may be asking, who the hell I think I am as I am now blabbing in a public forum; however, you chose to come to this page, I don't just give it to you.

Today I felt amazing as I had 4 comments on my pantypyramid blog.  This blog has has no pulse for about 5 is something that I had kept near and dear to my heart until several people who signed up for the fun didn't follow through...anyhow, so I had 4 comments, maybe from people who wanted to join; maybe from people who had decided to follow through...something...


These four comments were annoying bullshit details that weren't even full sentences.

"These occasions will also call for the hottest party dresses around... Panty lines and bra straps take away from what you have and gotta get fun! pantie panties" (the pantie panties was hyperlinked, but as I am not sure who this annoying person is, I removed it).

Really though, why would you!?

How could you?

It makes me almost want to go to their site and leave comments like "boogers got you down?" or "llamas make great pets" but I refrain.  I hold myself back from doing that because that is completely rude.  People enable comments for feedback, criticism, support and a means of traffic and readership of our blogs and not for that of annoyance.

Anyhow, to you spammers out there...please stop - if you don't something bad will happen to you - call it karma.

And let me tell you - Karma's a BITCH!

Holy Bat-Shit-Crazy Kids

I have kids; you likely have kids... people have kids.

Yesterday was an adventure from hell I tell ya.  

It's such a blast when they all start to not listen while we are in a home furnishing store.  I can't tell you how much love there is in my voice after telling them to stop climbing on the furniture that is displayed - or that when I told my son "no you can't have jelly beans that cost $12 for the package"...he turned into a friggen psycho.  I literally almost turned into a fucking turtle and sunk into my shell.  AND to top it off, the little bitch-face cashier just looked at me and rolled her eyes!

Well... we all know that I am not one to fuck with, especially when the critters are making it hard to win the battle.  I happened to ask her if this was amusing -- she just looked at me with the dumbest expression on her face.  When this happened, I politely grit my teeth together and told her that if she didn't hurry the fuck up that I would climb over the counter and switch places with her.  I also told her I would pay her $50 bucks to take that friggen look off her face and do her job rather than judging a mother who is going through a mega meltdown.  She didn't understand,  and again rolled her friggen eyes.  To her manager, I feel awful for the letter that I have written my rant to, as I feel that after I am done, that poor girl may not have a job to pay for her fake nails and cell phone bill.

Lucas though she was rolling her eyes at him and started to wail even more.  In my head I was a volcano erupting.  I heard my heart beat in my ears and felt that little twitch in my neck start.  She had that dumb look on her face too where her mouth just gaped open and she flung her hair to the side, and then Lucas said "stop rolling your eyes at me lady, it's really rude and you're hurting my feelings".  Well that was it.  I may have lost it again...on her.

Yes he was freaking out.
Yes he wasn't listening to me
Yes we were in public and I was beyond humiliated...
BUT He is 3!  This is what happens...  She totally made him feel horrible and didn't let her get away with it.

I am glad that he said something; although maybe the fact that I was going through the trauma of him freaking out and my wanting to clobber the girl with the new lamp I bought, I wasn't sure what side of my internal war was going to win.

I looked down at my little man, and he looked up at me, with tears in his eyes and said "momma, I'm sorry for being such a bad boy..and I love you so much momma"..well that ended the twitching.... I turned to her, and she was trying to take my payment.  I asked her if she could please start bagging up my lamps and painting, and also was asking if there could be a carry out for me as I have 3 kids with me...

no answer


no answer, she was busy talking to another girl...something about her plans for later.

Excuse me miss.  When you're finished with planning your night out could you please let me know so I can get out of this store...I am not sure if you realize that this isn't ideal for me either and the noise from my son is making my head spin around.

I couldn't believe it!!!  That'll teach me, I'll never bring the kids out again to a store that is supposed to make me feel happy!

Waaaay the hell outta left field

I figure that after a 2 month sabbatical from writing I better kick my tits off the ground and get back on the horse.  Where have I been?

Well there could be amazing stories about insanity of mother-hood; living my life on a day-to-day basis; but they would likely be illusions of grander for you all... truthfully my life as of late has been pretty repetitious.  I haven't done much of anything really...but it's been pretty great!

I have managed to get myself into some shit though...yes, your favorite non-blogging blogger has been up to some shit!!!  So as I do enjoy a great story telling I wanted to make it into a game for all of us.  Let's do a multiple choicey thing-a-majig.

Last Sunday...I
a) went to church
b) had my sister and fiancee over for brunch
c) had my sister and fiancee over for brunch, got tipsy on mimosas and then went out for dinner with the hubby and friends
d) went out for dinner with the kids

By occupation, I am a dining specialist.  I make reservations at the worlds top restaurants, and "should" be good at this...If I had gone out for dinner with friends, what time would the reservation have been made at?
a) 6:30 pm
b) 7:00 pm
c) 8:00 pm
d) 5:30 pm

If all statements thus far are true, and I were good at my job....what time would it be unforgivably rude if we showed up to a reservation?
a) 7:00 pm
b) 8:00 pm
c) 9:00 pm
d) no showed

If we were late for any reservation what would have been the likely reason?
a) lost a child at the grocery store
b) went to friends house, had a cocktail or four
c) went to friends house, called the restaurant to push the reservation to a later time, had a cocktail and went to the restaurant.  On the way perhaps the driver was speeding to pass two transport trucks and happened to have gotten pulled over.  If this had happened, and the driver didn't have his license with him; the police officer may have thought that the car was stolen as we couldn't find the ownership and insurance (oh, and by the way, the car we were driving may or may not have been his mother's) oh and then the police officer thought the car was stolen.
d) I had to go pee while driving to the restaurant and we stopped at the side of the hi way, where I was blown over by the gust of wind

If any of these statements were true, would there have been additional circumstances that this story was even remotely possible?
a) yes
b) no

If there were other reasons was it because I
a) ate hash brownies
b) smoked a fatty
c) was wasted off of one drink and smoked something funny
d) all of the above

If there were some altering substances and perhaps I was a tad intoxicated, did we even make it to the restaurant?
a) yes
b) no

Ok, so yes, many layers of amazingness in my life.  Mr. Insatiable felt horrible for not having his license with him, and our friends that were with us, have actually talked to us since it all happened but you know, we did come out on top after all of that.  He only received a ticket for failure to produce the insurance and ownership...  it definitely could have been worse.

Did you pass the quiz?

Tell me though, what have you been up to??