I didn't literally shit the bed...

Dear Diary,

Today I have got to tell you something - it's pretty fucking big - so keep your mouth shut.  Its really only you that I talk to about these things - you know...the really good juicy deets that keep me ticking - and I know you have a tendency of running your mouth whenever you get the chance....
Anyhow Diary, today I realized that I have shit the bed on my blog.  No I didn't literally shit the bed; although that is a much easier mess to clean I would suspect.
It's been nearly 6 months since I have posted and I truly feel like I should be punished.  No, you sick fucks, not like in some 50 Shades of Grey type way...well...not for something like this... but I feel there should be some sort of recourse for my lack of attention.
I haven't got the foggiest of ideas why I have let this slide... you really are the only thing that I actually have done for myself aside from shave my legs, occasionally get my hair done and drink wine so WHY..

WHY the FUCK have I let YOUdown?
Who knows Diary.  I am a shitty human being.  A horrible friend... GAD I'm a failure...


Ok, I'll stop the dramatics I think it's the wine talking anyhow...you know me, I am a hard-ass without emotion... lol.. ya, right.  Ok, I'll stop the bull shit too I guess.  I really don't know what happened though, I feel that I need to make it up to you though.. and to those few people who occasionally pass by this dump to see if I have a pulse or not.
Things that have changed are the fact that I dropped the Panty Pyramid... that was weight that was on my ass that I didn't need - I have enough of that already. I sincerely wanted to thank those people who had participated and who thought it was fun.  It really was - I got to meet a lot of new people that way and pimped out some gitch... woo hoo!
Other things that have changed....me.  I feel like a new person.  No,I haven't had surgery or anything...shesh you haven't changed much i see.  I have been skating through life lately with a decent amount of sass and happiness.  Seistor, is getting married in less than 4 months and naturally I am the matron of honor (obviously because I am incredible) and I couldn't be happier. 
Kids - Thing 1, 2 & 3 are all incredible. They still piss me off on a daily and drive me to drink but I have found solace in the fact that this is why I had them...so they can empty the dishwasher and bring me bonbons,  Er, I mean, so that I can nurture them and teach them life skills... right?
Mr. Insatiable - aka Mr. Delicious has been keeping busy too.  Work has had him busy but with a purpose and I feel that as he has had the chance to take time for himself and his family, he is much better... more Delicious if you will.

Me..the host...well... I am still over weight - at least over my preference - and am working on that part.  I am tanned - and look pretty great though - a week in the sun will do that to ya...and I am feeling pretty good.  Work has been going great and as of August I'll be able to apply for my sabbatical...yes, a whole month off paid!! Yippee!!! Other than the wedding stuff that is upcoming, I am pretty organized and fan-fucking-tastic.
Anyhow, I hope that this can be the beginning of a new friendship Diary.  I am sorry that I deserted you and left you to be pimped out and gang banged but I think that if you can forgive me I'll be able to  remain focused on myself as per the usual...if you'll let me
Can we still be friends?