A parade!
Yes a parade!
Make way for the parade...the parade...the parade of aaaaasssssssssholessssss!
Have I got a story for you! I may perhaps be on a slight mission with this one here but there are only few things that truly get under my skin...the first of which is lying. It's ugly and gives wrinkles so don't do it! the second is disrespect and ignoring people - there are two things but they annoy me equally as such and if you're ignoring someone or me, it's disrespectful and lastly...it's
other kids parents.
Ya, I said it.
I think that parents are disgusting for the most part. I don't have perfect children and I am imperfect myself. I have flaws and I make mistakes...I feed my kids popcorn and ice cream cake for dessert....this only has happened once so don't call CAS on me or anything but it's true....I didn't write the rule book because if I did, we would be allowed to drink out of the carton of milk, swear like sailors but rather than the kids hear our F-bombs they would hear whining in their ears so they knew how painful it was to listen too....BUT, my point that I am trying to make, I am not an asshole parent.
Case in point.
ODG (oldest daughter girl) wants to call her friend - we'll call her Bianca because that's a pretty snotty name - so I say sure, give her a call. I know this is code for I want to plan a play date but I'm not an asshole so it's all good. Bianca and ODG talk for a bit and I hear the climax of the conversation - the part I dread for the most part - "put your mommy on the phone and I'll get mine...". She does have the cutest puppy dog eyes and was so excited to speak with Bianca (who's mom probably be-dazzles her acid wash jacket) that I couldn't flat out say I don;t want to talk with her... so I get on the phone with my vanilla cupcake voice "hello, this is the best mother of the year, nice to meet you!" the voice on the end sounds like Deloris from the diner with her ciggy hanging out of her mouth...grumbly..raspy...like Marg Simpson. it's harsh and rude....it is unwelcoming....I hate it instantly. "ugh, so what are these girls doing" Marg asks while lighting up her 4 cigarette in a row. "well they were looking to have a play date and I wasn't sure of your family's schedule, so I am unsure what would work." instantly Marg answers me and says "well, like during the day or what?" no you asshole, at night..the first time I want your bedazzled kid at my house is for a sleepover so I can listen to her cry about how horrible you are....no you jack ass.. during the day! "yes, that would be best for Sophia, during the day; but we weren't sure what dates worked for you" This was me icing the cake....you know when you swirl the creamy delicious spread all over the cake? Ya, that was me...patronizing as it was, I was laying my fake-voice on her. What alarms me is how responsive Marg is to my fake-ness... "well, I don't work so I am free whenever, ugh, do YOU. WORK?" Yes Marg Simpson, "I work full time" you half-wit.
Right that moment in time, I lost it. I couldn't believe that I have just been down talked by a parent who bedazzles! Fuck you Marg Simpson! I work a full time job because I got knocked up 3 fucking times by my husband while I was tipsy each and every time! I work because I can't afford to bedazzle my kids things and I work because its the 20th fucking century and shit is expensive. I couldn't believe her disgust while asking me.
She literally thought at that point that I wanted a late-night play date with her child and clearly the lady doesn't believe in active listening because I had said 3 times, perhaps on a weekend. Anyhow, she tells me that she is open aside from a few days where plans had been made. Then she proceeded to ask if I have a pass for some pool near us, because she got one for her daughter because that is where the cool kids hang out...
Another amazing comment from this lady's mouth.
I believe that parents make their children who they are as adults and as of this moment in my life it is fairly ok to say, that Marg's parents are assholes too. I feel so bad for Bianca and her closet full of bedazzled clothes. I mostly feel bad for ODG as I don't know how to break it to her that her friend's mom is a bit of a douche and I don't want her hanging out with her.
Not only did she down talk the fact I work, but why do you get your kids a pass somewhere so they can be "where the cool kids are"? Seriously, why perpetuate Mean Girls - the sequal??
I think that I handled myself well...I just spread that icing all over and when I was finished, I said "it was such a pleasure talking with you, thank you for your time". She quickly responded "yeah...oh ya, thanks, great too. Let's get together to talk about the kids..." I didn't hesitate and I do believe that auto-pilot took over and responded for me because I remember thinking "no thank you" but I didn't recall saying it until I looked at ODG who was awestruck by my incredible-ness...this also could have been the face of utter humiliation - but either way I was something!
I had to take a day to get through my emotions about this parent and how she talked to me. I couldn't penalize ODG for the choice in her friend's parents' so instead I had a conversation with her today about assholes and asshole parents. I explain that I wouldn't ever tell her who to hangout with...but if I felt that someone demonstrated unacceptable ways, views or activities, that I would interfere. I also told her that you can't choose your family....lord knows life would have been really different if this were the case.. but that you can't so no matter what I have to say, just know that you're loved so much by mommy and daddy...
She looked concerned, like I was taking away something from her but I calmed her nerves before I spoke. I informed her that her friend's mom is an asshole plain and simple. I told her that while her mother may be one, her friend Bianca may not be...sometimes it skips a generation that asshole gene. I let her know why I didn't feel it appropriate to continue a converesation with Marg Simpson. ODG looked up at me and says, "no mom, it doesn't skip a generation, Bianca can be an asshole too!"
I KNEW IT!
I don't feel bad that I haven't called them today and I don't feel bad that Iam not going to do anything but relax this weekend rather than drive all over for one kid to go here and another to go there and ODG to go to the asshole's house.
Thank you jebus for letting this parent be an asshole! I was beginning to wonder if I was being overly harsh in my thoughts...but I am not!! There truly are a lot of asshole parents out there.
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