Honest to Blog!

It's Saturday whores!

Saturday brings a day that starts off with a triple shot of caffeine and an extra-large coffee...then the realization that I have just been waken up out of a perfectly great sleep and it's only 6:00 am.  Thanks KIDS...momma loves you
even though you suck.

Saturday also brings the first day of the week at Casa Insatiable that Mr. Insatiable is with us... God he works sooo much.  I know that there is a great reason and he busts his ass for us..but I do love Saturday mornings when I have the chance to steal a snuggle or two... ya, listen you bunch of freaks...none of that happens...remember, the kids? ya they interrupt things!!!!  TRUST ME...if women had blue balls,
I'd write about them too!

Saturday also brings the week's cleaning, organizing, grocery shopping and other stuffs...but do you really want to hear about that???? I sure as fuck don't want to write about that either..whew, thank god you and I are on the same wave length.

Lets talk about my boobs and how my uterus is starting to have a mind of its own!!!!

One of our dearest friends just had her second child.  Her first is 3 1/2 and such a friggen doll face and now she has this little peanut who is just 2 weeks and 1 day (exactly).  So off we go to meet the little angel and see our friends... the visit is lovely and the kids were really well behaved.  The only thing was, that every time I see a babe, I get all mixed with emotions...
do I want to get knocked up again? 
Could we do this??? even though my factory has been shut down

You see, I didn't let this part slip there, because really, if you don't know what it's like to have 2 kids or 3 or more...and certainly if you don't know what it's like to have them jam-pack close together...it's really an insane time for a mother...if it's not crying in the shower so nobody hears you, or wondering when you can start to drink heavily to numb the pain normally (if you're nursing)...it's not realizing you are standing in isle 2 of the drug store getting diaper wipes with your tits engorged and no bra on while wearing a white wife beater and your slippers..true story!

Seriously, I still twitch when I think about how I actually survived 3 kids in 3 1/2 years...it must be why when I try to remember things, I can't.  I must have suppressed the memories to ensure that I never do this again.

Anyhow, back to the visit.  So I see this baby, and hold him...god I love the new baby smell!!!!  It's totally better than buying a new car; aside from the fact that if it's you having the baby, then you always smell like the baby...puke

So I am holding the babe and all of a sudden, my chest starts to hurt...not like ow, I just got a sharp pain..no like i am talking about holy fuck my tit feels like its gonna explode!!!  What the hell was this?  Not until after I left did I put two and two together....my boobs were being sympathetic.  NO I WAS NOT getting milk or anything like that, but as soon as I heard him cry, my uterus squealed and my chest hurt...talk about a good friend right??? I was totally there with her.  I was remembering my hell just as she was embarking upon her own.  Please stop here dear readers.  She is not living in hell. Nor is she doing anything wrong or bad....in fact I will say that she is one of the most natural mother's I know!  I love seeing her as a mom, pregnant and everything as its just so natural...this also doesn't mean that all pregnancies/birth are hell...but I know that feeling.

I know the feeling of sheer terror when you know someone is leaving and you are left there all alone with these little people that need all of your love, support, life, energy, breath EVERYTHING!!! 

I know that when I was going through this all, I didn't have anything left to give.  I was done for....hysterical tears were something as consistent as changing diapers....  I knew that no matter what I must persevere and get through the day until someone else came to rescue me from myself.

I often wondered if I had suffered from post-pardum depression after #2 or #3...Again, I don't remember much...less of #2 than the last kiddy.  I think that if I did, I kicked the shit out of my depression as I didn't have a chance to deal with it.  I wonder how when you feel so low and alone, do you get out of that funk and I guess each time I got knocked up, was my own way of brushing those feelings aside...

After the first year of having 3 kids, I started to remember me again.  I started to see the light at the end of the narrow narrow tunnel.  Year 2 was even better...but can I get a

Now, I look at my little tribe of cutie-patooties and thank friggen god that I am done with the baby makin....or am I? 

Why the hell did my body feel this way?  Do  I really want another kid?  Does my body think it does???  Cuz let me tell you...there are days when Mr. Insatiable and I joke,
but are they jokes???
I know that its not ever possible again, like EVER for me to conceive my own child but...it certainly leaves me curious.

Maybe it's just the post-PMS that has been taking over my life lately.  Typically my cycle lasts for 3-4 days.  The week before, I usually get the usual feelings of I hate everything and

then after the BITCH has been and gone, I get back to normal...BUT as of late, the week after I am seriously destroyed with emotions!!  I have been craving Reese Peanut Butter Cups like a motherfucker and I don't even like peanut butter!!!  What the shiz is that?

Well...my mind is telling me that I am pre-menopausal but how close to reality is this?  I am 30 years old...I mean it could happen, but is it really???  Who knows...what I do want to know is

At least I haven't been an emotional wreck.  At least I haven't had a hysterical cry session...no, seistor and Mr. Insatiable have been keeping my fits of insanity in check.  Maybe that is all it is...maybe it's my body saying

"Listen bitch, if you don't friggen start to wig out soon enough, I will try to take over and consume you!"
(or at least watch you consume everything in eye-sight).  Fuckin whore-mones.  They always get ya! 

 They are worse than crack!

Anyhow, I am doin alright dear readers...honest to blog I am.  I just question things sometimes.  Sometimes too much...I try to rationalize everything a bit obsessively really...but I do it so when life throws me another curve ball, I am ready with options and a game plan.  That's just how I roll.

I do want to know though...do you ever THINK you want another?



Pammy Ponders @ Reflectorville said...

hey new reader from LBS, lovin' your honestly, I dont have kids so i dont really know the answers, but i think ur too young to be pre-meno! your prob just having a little hormonal blip :P x new follower, I think im gonna like your blog!