My cat's a whore & probably knocked up! Oh and shoots lazers from her eyes!!

I don't even know where to start with this guys!  I think my cat's a fucking whore!  She's different, all weird and stuff. 

I haven't ever wanted to have her as an outdoor cat, and Mr. Insatiable prefers it.  This has literally fueled several arguments - but whatever, it's not over till your kitten gives birth to a litter of bastards!

So we move to the new place and all of a sudden she's being let out; the doors aren't being shut and she meets BENDER.

Now, BENDER is really a studly cat.  He knows all the slutty girls in the neighborhood...he just now wants a piece of the Pineapple.  For a while I thought, "no, she's got a great head on her shoulders.  She's not even 1 yet...she'll wait."  But guys, if there is one thing that life has taught me....is to never hold your breath!  Nope, this kitty has been made a filthy whore of!

I mean, I don't have the scientific proof, but I think she is preggers, and now I am left with the plaguing feeling that I will have to raise these kittens!!!  That's it, multi vitamins, doubling the calories and lots of water!!!  Princess Pine Apple Bottom (you're gonna have to get some maternity-)Jeans, you my dear are going to the vet!

Good god, I can't imagine.  What will I do with these bastard children?  Yell Free Pussy!!! Free Pussy!!!  Anyone want a kitten?   Maybe that would work, but its not practical.  How would you feel about a mother yelling that on the street with her 3 kids beside her???? Well, I know that you all wouldn't judge me but hey, it can't come to that!!!

I'll keep you all posted with the details - for right now you should totally concern yourselves with the fact that not only is she a whore, she also can shoot laser beams out of her eyes!!  She is the coolest thing of life!

5 comments:



Julie, The Wife said...

Dude, I do love the freaky laser eyes. I hope she doesn't lose those when she's spayed.

Smart Ass Sara said...

ha. HAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!! Oh- I'm linking back to your post after I do my post tonight. ;)

OK- so my sister in law's cat just had babies and she had 4. BUT...the other whore in the house (who has babies NON-FUCKING-STOP) just had a litter of 8. Now, I would have liked to see what she looked like because she's an outdoor cat who's all skin & bones. Definitely skanky. Ick.

Ha. ;) Good luck buddy!

JewliaGoulia said...

Aw crap, your going to be an adoptive cat mommy.

Are you ready for this responsibility?!

Better take Bender on Maury Povich show and get a paternity test - start cashin in that child support.

;)

Dana @ The Coupon Challenge said...

Visiting from SITS

Maybe that's why my male cat was always running out the door!

Rachel C. said...

I too am the mother of a whore cat, I feel your pain.