The Treadmill is a Lazy Whore!

Labels: - Saturday, July 31, 2010

Well it's Saturday whores!  Could it be the best day ever already?  Why, yes it can!!! 

I even was allowed to sleep in to 8:07 am!  With a quick snuggle from Mr. Insatiable our day has started already...but you know what?  I am ok with it.  We are gonna have a great morning together, making pancakes and eggs, and then off to the rest of our day (groceries, cleaning, laundry etc..) but again..do you really care?  Likely not....

I wanted to talk about my lazy treadmill for a second.  You see, before we moved into the Insatiable Palace, we were given a treadmill.  It was free and it worked!!  It was fantastic!!!  (SF thank you again!!!)  The thing was that when we got it Mr. Insatiable told me I wasn't going to use it etc...he told me it would collect dust...then I started to use it.  I did every day....until now, when we have been living in the new house for 2 months already and the fucking lazy treadmill is still in my garage!!  It's quite preposterous that one would run on the treadmill in the garage amidst the garbage and bicycles.

I have talked to the treadmill a few times about this, saying " once you were such an inspiration for me to hop up on you and run my feelings out but now...you lazy cow, you haven't even picked yourself up off your fat ass and taken yourself down to the basement where you belong!!"  I mean really, how is the treadmill supposed to motivate me to do anything remotely close to running on it when it has no inspiration to get ready for it...really people it's a sad state.

I will say that I am going to try to get her ass in gear along with mine.  I have been continually taking it slow to make sure that I am ready for the change of a lifetime (more of a fucking shock to my system than getting knocked up 3 years in a row) and I am!!!

I have cut out all unnecessary sugars, and creams etc....I was drinking 3 XL triple triple's a day (for those of y'all who don't speak Canadian coffee..that's an XL coffee with 3 cream (18%) and 3 sugars....while I know it tastes amazing I have converted myself (along with the support from Mr. Insatiable) to drinking 1 Large double milk 1 1/2 sugar.  This was huge for me!  I noticed the my head aches aren't as severe and when I feel that I need a coffee after I have enjoyed the 1 per day, I am totally in the habit of chugging a bottle of water to suppress the caffeine addiction. 

By doing this, chugging water, not only have I gotten myself trained to drink 8 bottles (min) a day,I am also learning how my body responds to cruel and unusual punishment. 

Tuesdays I am still playing volleyball and I am still loving it!  I know that my body loves that I am diving, and basically flopping around the court and that I am seeing a little difference in my figure.  So here it is...I have challenged myself to the 30day shred again.

You may be asking why I would do this to myself again? But nothing made me more inspired than the thought of roundhouse-kicking Jillian in the box.  So....day 1 is today!   Day 1 is today..even as I say it now, I feel like I am trying to convince myself..but I know that this has to start! 

If I want to do it, it's not gonna shed with my politely asking. I also feel that my body is used to burning enough calories now, that any additional torture I put myself through will certainly assist in the sheddage. (Its totally a word motha-fahker!)

Also, I have incorporated some great tips from Sparkpeople.com about menu/meal planning.  You see JewliaGoulia, this fantastic babe of a blogger has been talking about it for a while. and I have known about it for longer; however, I had never put 2 and 2 together...usually that equaled 2 double gin and 7's....now, it actually sums up how to do this right.

I have also seen amazing things that other weight-loss bloggers have been doing and I feel that I too want to strut my stuff....but you would think that I had been?  I have adapted a few new items in the wardrobe - grown amazing nails (I have no idea how or when they became important- but none the less they are) and I have also taken stock of my life and understand the fundamentals of what I need in my life....

I have devised this plan:

Rotten to the Core:

I need in my life: OBVI, my family especially Mr. Insatiable.  Great food and a reason to cook and eat healthy ----why not make it healthy and the image that stains my mind of me being gigantic.  You would think that it's that simple...but when your 6 year old says "momma, you's gotta fat ass" while joking, something clicks..ya know?

So, here it goes..my adventure begins again....30 days from now will also = the first day of my vacation....let's see where this takes me.  I think that I will have the balls to post before/after's and or measurements/weights etc..but before I lose this motivation I am gonna go work some shit out with Jillian.

Peace out bitches!!!

Stalk me Stalk me Stalk me with that deviant behavior!

- Wednesday, July 28, 2010

To all the new folks who have just joined this amazing ride...WHAT THE FECK TOOK YA SO LONG?!!?    Sincerely though....Thanks for totally checking out my blog!!!  

I have hit 90 stalkers on this mother!.  This is a huge celebration for me, as I thought that after a 2 month hiatus, that I was over....yesterday's special 1/2 off....but for the past 2 weeks I have seen a continued increase in readers, followers and views.  So....


I really have been loving this new found energy to read and post....thank friggen gawd I have found it, as I hadn't had any therapy in the time that I was off...I mean who would I talk to?  Who would I tell about the random shit that comes into my head???  I mean I could talk to Mr. Insatiable, but look where talking got me??? Knocked up with 3 kids in 4 years that's where....ooooh..I mean..shit.  Too Late. 

Fail.

Well... to the new people that have started to follow this blawg...I want to tell you something...I actually remember my very first follower.

My very first follower was this Nutcase of a woman who LOVES Little House on the Prairie.  Julie, aka A DAY IN THE WIFE literally has been here since the 2nd week of my posts...she has supported me and provided countless posts that have made me either
drink more or piss myself...sometimes in different sequences. She often considers herself to be a "ride or die" kinda bitch...and that is the type of chick I love! (I don't luuuuuv chicks, just luv them) None the less..I remember.

I remember when Jenn of EX HOT GIRL (who is totally a smokin hot girl) came into my life and then followed.  I seriously doubt you haven't heard of this chick, but OMG if you don't friggen go read her adventure of losing weight and herself to photography, John Meyer and life please go now...actually wait...comment here or follow...then go  er.. damn.  I whored it out again...silly blog-whore.

Another amazin day was when this Aussie bitch Alex came into my life...WHOA MOMMA! can I tell you how great this chick is???  One of the best posts of hers was last year when she was about to go out to her hubby's work party and told the tale of when she fell down the stairs because she was drunk and flashed her panties to everyone....HYSTERICAL..not only that, she has some amazing kids, a beautiful life down unda and great blog too!!

I have had many an eventful moments during this blog journey..some you may could make me cooler than Vanilla Ice.  Like, really...Jenny the Bloggess...totally has been here, left her finger prints and everything...I know...it was like 1 or 2 times and that is nothing and I totally should stop writing about her because it's pathetic but me not writing about her, would be her not writing posts like this.  Seriously, I wish that she had a book or a vlog for the ask the bloggess segments...HOLY SHIZ BATMAN....that would be a great idea!!!!

These are some of the moments that I will cherish tremendously.  I will also remember the day that I received so many comments on the post "Do Porn Stars Get Yeast Infections" which is something that I will still question until a Porn Star sets me straight..but that day was a total high without drugs or alcohol!  I had so many great comments and feedback that I became hooked.  Hooked on that blog-love.  I was done for.  You had be at blo (not blow..
dirty hookers) blo.

I guess what I am trying to say, is tell your friends about this blog..maybe they will like it too...maybe they will hate it...but at least they will let me know either way.

If this is your first time here..glad to meet ya! Just leave your name at the appropriate comment field so I can remember the jist of it...I am not really fond of one-night stands but if you must come and go without returning...so be it.  My tubes are tied also, so it's not a bother.  If you do write a blog, tell me about it...If you are funny, I really want to know.  If you think you're funny, let's try it out but if your mom is still telling you you are funny but you know you are not...maybe fuck off tell me about your funniest post.

I can't wait to jump into this weekend - as this week is quickly becoming a puddle of goo before my eyes...the great thing about it is, tomorrow is Thursday and that means....

well...it means that it's Thursday DUH!  But if anyone else knows why tomorrow rocks the socks like Fantastic Mr. Fox, then let me know!

In closing as I have whored blogs out, especially my own, please know that I also blog at THE PANTY PYRAMID.  This is a great blog if you are up for some support and panties.  Read here to figure out the rest, but honestly, it's about payin it forward. (these are some of the people that have done so already...and they are happy...well some of them may be drunk...but drunks are happy people!!

I know that I cuss, use inappropriate language and atrocious grammar but the truth of it, is that I haven't felt this good about myself since forever.  I know that it's because of all y'all out here that really have made a difference.

Road Boogers

- Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Do you know what this is?

This is the view that I had today on my drive home. Not THIS guy but a guy similar to him. 

YOU, do you realize that you looked so uncomfortable with your finger lodged up your skull.  I have seen people's fingers stuck in bowling balls and never have I seen someone soooo deep up in their shit like I did today....and you were driving! 

I guess good on you as you sure "picked a winner".

I do have to ask though, do you realize that I can see you?  Do you care?  Do you think that I wanted to have the lasting impression of your excavation site in my mind and also the sequel of this feature when you decided to eat whatever you found there?  I must say that the fact you had the decency to eat whatever the hell was under your nails afterwards was great.  Whatever gorilla's taught you to groom sure did their job.  Perhaps this was a Jane Goodall gorilla.  Let's face it, those apes were smart!

I just would like you to know that the next time you are that hungry, please flash your lights, or flag someone down..they will surely buy you something to eat.  I will.

As a mother of 3, I have seen some PICKIN' but never once have my kids gone back for seconds...did your mother not teach you manners?  What are you hoping to achieve with this? Do you suffer from PICA?  I am sure that if you did suffer from this you are more likely to eat the tire of your car or your own shaboodie...but perhaps your own boogers curb your hunger?  These are things I have no idea about, but honestly...

PEOPLE CAN SEE YOU!!

Honest to Blog!

- Saturday, July 24, 2010


It's Saturday whores!

Saturday brings a day that starts off with a triple shot of caffeine and an extra-large coffee...then the realization that I have just been waken up out of a perfectly great sleep and it's only 6:00 am.  Thanks KIDS...momma loves you
even though you suck.

Saturday also brings the first day of the week at Casa Insatiable that Mr. Insatiable is with us... God he works sooo much.  I know that there is a great reason and he busts his ass for us..but I do love Saturday mornings when I have the chance to steal a snuggle or two... ya, listen you bunch of freaks...none of that happens...remember, the kids? ya they interrupt things!!!!  TRUST ME...if women had blue balls,
I'd write about them too!

Saturday also brings the week's cleaning, organizing, grocery shopping and other stuffs...but do you really want to hear about that???? I sure as fuck don't want to write about that either..whew, thank god you and I are on the same wave length.

Lets talk about my boobs and how my uterus is starting to have a mind of its own!!!!

One of our dearest friends just had her second child.  Her first is 3 1/2 and such a friggen doll face and now she has this little peanut who is just 2 weeks and 1 day (exactly).  So off we go to meet the little angel and see our friends... the visit is lovely and the kids were really well behaved.  The only thing was, that every time I see a babe, I get all mixed with emotions...
do I want to get knocked up again? 
Could we do this??? even though my factory has been shut down

You see, I didn't let this part slip there, because really, if you don't know what it's like to have 2 kids or 3 or more...and certainly if you don't know what it's like to have them jam-pack close together...it's really an insane time for a mother...if it's not crying in the shower so nobody hears you, or wondering when you can start to drink heavily to numb the pain normally (if you're nursing)...it's not realizing you are standing in isle 2 of the drug store getting diaper wipes with your tits engorged and no bra on while wearing a white wife beater and your slippers..true story!

Seriously, I still twitch when I think about how I actually survived 3 kids in 3 1/2 years...it must be why when I try to remember things, I can't.  I must have suppressed the memories to ensure that I never do this again.

Anyhow, back to the visit.  So I see this baby, and hold him...god I love the new baby smell!!!!  It's totally better than buying a new car; aside from the fact that if it's you having the baby, then you always smell like the baby...puke

So I am holding the babe and all of a sudden, my chest starts to hurt...not like ow, I just got a sharp pain..no like i am talking about holy fuck my tit feels like its gonna explode!!!  What the hell was this?  Not until after I left did I put two and two together....my boobs were being sympathetic.  NO I WAS NOT getting milk or anything like that, but as soon as I heard him cry, my uterus squealed and my chest hurt...talk about a good friend right??? I was totally there with her.  I was remembering my hell just as she was embarking upon her own.  Please stop here dear readers.  She is not living in hell. Nor is she doing anything wrong or bad....in fact I will say that she is one of the most natural mother's I know!  I love seeing her as a mom, pregnant and everything as its just so natural...this also doesn't mean that all pregnancies/birth are hell...but I know that feeling.

I know the feeling of sheer terror when you know someone is leaving and you are left there all alone with these little people that need all of your love, support, life, energy, breath EVERYTHING!!! 

I know that when I was going through this all, I didn't have anything left to give.  I was done for....hysterical tears were something as consistent as changing diapers....  I knew that no matter what I must persevere and get through the day until someone else came to rescue me from myself.

I often wondered if I had suffered from post-pardum depression after #2 or #3...Again, I don't remember much...less of #2 than the last kiddy.  I think that if I did, I kicked the shit out of my depression as I didn't have a chance to deal with it.  I wonder how when you feel so low and alone, do you get out of that funk and I guess each time I got knocked up, was my own way of brushing those feelings aside...

After the first year of having 3 kids, I started to remember me again.  I started to see the light at the end of the narrow narrow tunnel.  Year 2 was even better...but can I get a


Now, I look at my little tribe of cutie-patooties and thank friggen god that I am done with the baby makin....or am I? 

Why the hell did my body feel this way?  Do  I really want another kid?  Does my body think it does???  Cuz let me tell you...there are days when Mr. Insatiable and I joke,
but are they jokes???
I know that its not ever possible again, like EVER for me to conceive my own child but...it certainly leaves me curious.

Maybe it's just the post-PMS that has been taking over my life lately.  Typically my cycle lasts for 3-4 days.  The week before, I usually get the usual feelings of I hate everything and



then after the BITCH has been and gone, I get back to normal...BUT as of late, the week after I am seriously destroyed with emotions!!  I have been craving Reese Peanut Butter Cups like a motherfucker and I don't even like peanut butter!!!  What the shiz is that?

Well...my mind is telling me that I am pre-menopausal but how close to reality is this?  I am 30 years old...I mean it could happen, but is it really???  Who knows...what I do want to know is
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH ME?

At least I haven't been an emotional wreck.  At least I haven't had a hysterical cry session...no, seistor and Mr. Insatiable have been keeping my fits of insanity in check.  Maybe that is all it is...maybe it's my body saying

"Listen bitch, if you don't friggen start to wig out soon enough, I will try to take over and consume you!"
(or at least watch you consume everything in eye-sight).  Fuckin whore-mones.  They always get ya! 

 They are worse than crack!

Anyhow, I am doin alright dear readers...honest to blog I am.  I just question things sometimes.  Sometimes too much...I try to rationalize everything a bit obsessively really...but I do it so when life throws me another curve ball, I am ready with options and a game plan.  That's just how I roll.

I do want to know though...do you ever THINK you want another?



 

I am a Comment Whore...and I don't care

Labels: - Saturday, July 17, 2010

I was actually contemplating not posting this, because it's a super amazing fantastic idea; however, as I feel it's so fucking awesome I decided to now hit publish.

I am a



The funny thing is, is while I was at the SITS site, I was  doing regular SITS Sharefest things, and I happened across this blog called "Stuff I think About"  The author was telling everyone about how great and random and awkward some things people say actually are...I too feel this is true.  Case in point..

we all know the blogs that I read religiously (if you need a refresher)

The Bloggess
A Day in the Wife
Ex Hot Girl
I Run with Scissors
Welcome to Sara's Organized Chaos
Ann Nahm
Did I Just Eat that Out Loud
and several other fantastic ones (Chunky Monkey, Barefoot Foodie, JewliaGoulia, ShaunaGlenn....the list goes on and on)


Of these blogs, I constantly see random and amazing comments!!!  I LOVE IT...not to take away from any authors skills or posts, but I have to admit that I love whoring myself through comments!!!  It's super fun.

I have started a list of some of my fav's and would love to know or hear yours.  I will be also creating an updated list to keep these random and obscure thoughts for us all to look back at and laugh till we pee our panties!!

I will say that I am an author of one or more of these comments, can you guess which one(s)? LMAO


did we really make it to 2nd base? I only copped a feelsky once, but you did roofie me so Im not sure what your scene had in it...I tend to be easy when it comes to free drinks...

thank you for linking our shit...i just hope there isn't a blogbaby that comes outta that stuff...I have had my kids, so unless you want to have it (where i wont support it but may namecall and poke fun) it's all yours!

i also feel that if I don't say something about the kidnapping of said niece and taking to Mexico may be a disservice...DON'T GO TO MEXICO...at least go where you don't have to boil water, have bed bugs and perhaps you may just want to go where you could have a cooler name than Heffe (no. I didn't call you a heffer, you just thought I did).

 
I give people the mind finger. Like I pick my favorite FUCK YOU scene outta movies and then insert said experience into it, complete with background music, and re-enact it...yes, Robert Pattinson does frequent these highlights; and we may have or may have not touched each other's naughty bits...OK, back on topic...I give a mean finger (middle finger not the other...again, not into chickies...like ever!)

Ramen noodles al dente?

Not sure hun, I mean there are these poor people who work in those factories who spend their days writing with pens on the back of each packet the instructions on how to boil water..(in case we all forget how to do this). I have had the crunchy, munchie noodle snack - again, i have been drunk, something that rhymes with high or a combo of both in my past; however, me likey boiled, with soya sauce and occasionally an egg cracked into it to make it aaegg Dwop nooodols (to be said out loud phonetically)

you my friend are friggen redonkulous for the portmanteaus also...


Fantabulous!!! mothafukha!



Peace out whores!!!

May I have your attention please: Will the Insatiable Host please stand up?

- Friday, July 16, 2010

For 2 days I have tried to write.

I have tried to articulate my feelings and I just can't seem to hit publish.  You see, my blog is and has always been a personal reflection of my daily musings, thoughts, sentiments etc.

Mainly my blog is written to add a light humor to my day and hopefully yours.  Life is so serious all the time from work to home life that I often try to use words to break the tension.  If you know me in person, you know this is true.   I always try to add laughter to some part of my day because it feels good to laugh - and plus you burn more calories laughing than you do frowning and being a crusty fuck all day.  You also know that I am not a vindictive or revengeful person.  I am actually a little level headed and fair.

For my readers who don't know me personally, I hope that you have taken one thing away from my ramblings... I don't lie, and I also am likely to have the most open mind ever.  That being said, those who read my blog, have the choice of reading or not.  You have the option to hit next or move on...I am not holding any readers captive!  Well...maybe a few of you but that's because you sold your souls' a while back and we're now blogsisters...

The point is, you don't have to like, agree, believe or even read every detail of this blog- - no one is holding you to this.  I started this blog thinking that I needed to do something for me.  Well this decision has been something that I cherish so much because finally for ME and only ME I have done something.  I took a chance and was creative - funny and for once I was not the entire reason behind a joke.

We all know that I am not a raging journalist on the trail of a hot story.  I know that I am not likely to be the most viewed or read blog out there; however, I DO know this...

Steven King offended hundreds of people before even selling his first hundred books.  Ann Landers answered questions of readers and they were so upset with her response or lack there of, that she didn't have them as readers any more.  Some people loved Stephanie Meyers Twilight series and others detest it.  You say tomato I say tohmato.  If you don't like what has been discussed, contemplated, spoke of or reasoned, please feel free to not read further; however, please also don't feel that it's ok to be slanderous or devious and trash my blog. 

You all, dear readers are entitled to your own views, opinions and I 100% respect and support them; however, if you are going to read my blog and be a part of my personal life, then please do me the same courtesy.

I have received negative comments in the past and have embraced them as if I wasn't someones particular brand of sass and class, and I really appreciated them telling me.  I have also received commentary that argues some of the conversation I host on my blog and again, appreciate every word because if I am being me;
I will always value you being you. 

The only thing that really chaps my ass is when my words are misconstrued into something that they are not.  When, my words are taken out of context, manipulated and analyzed.  Now, again, I have always had the disclaimer that I own my words and stand behind them so please dear readers don't think that I am backing down from my thoughts; however, if you had to defend why you got a tattoo or bought the car that you just bought to someone who has nothing to do with the purchase, would you feel OK with it?

Recently I have been asked by some readers about the words that I had written and I was a little mystified.  I mean, the circumstance I understand; however, the logic behind it was something that was a little unclear.  Regardless of the terms that they were on, I wanted to re-assure or assure you my readers, that I am in no way that much of a bitch that I would ever pose any sort of spiteful or vindictive venom on this blog.

Well...let me be honest....I'll totally spew venom if you show park your car at Tim Horton's or if you're child knocks my kids out for some reason - - but from one imperfect human to another, I don't care about too many things to really take the attention away from myself and make it about something or someone else...

Please don't be offended by that -- I really am a super big caring gal.  BUT when push comes to shove, do I really care what everyone thinks of me?????  Um...if you don't know the answer yet you clearly have no fucking clue who I am. ( if you are just slow, NO I DON'T CARE). 

The only thing I care about is if I am  one thing, I am a great friend, a hard worker, a loving mother, trusting confident, wife, best friend, daughter, sister and true to myself.  Other than that, not much else matters...

You don't know that I grew up getting made fun of from public school through high school -- so my skin is tough.
I had to assist in raising individuals older than myself in some aspects of my life - I can handle your rejection
I have grown up through my adolescent years where girls are fucking ditch-pigs and whores set out to destroy every last gleaming hope that you too are just like them..popular and beautiful.
I have dealt with the worst FAILs in life.  Moved, rejected, hurt and neglected to know what's really important in life.  I also know that when I left high school, all of the drama melted away also.

I have totally come out on top and am so much better because of it all.  You see dearest readers, I write just like most of you, every day.  Although I don't always publish what has been written, it seems to be the only way to clear my head and stay focused on the task at hand.

This may read a little scattery but I just want you all to know that I love having each one of you follow, read and subscribe to my blog; however, I just don't want you all to take it seriously. 

Don't judge this blog by it's cover...
allow yourself to read the intro, body and the end before investing your time and emotion (and possibly others). 

The end.


My cat's a whore & probably knocked up! Oh and shoots lazers from her eyes!!

- Wednesday, July 14, 2010

I don't even know where to start with this guys!  I think my cat's a fucking whore!  She's different, all weird and stuff. 

I haven't ever wanted to have her as an outdoor cat, and Mr. Insatiable prefers it.  This has literally fueled several arguments - but whatever, it's not over till your kitten gives birth to a litter of bastards!

So we move to the new place and all of a sudden she's being let out; the doors aren't being shut and she meets BENDER.

Now, BENDER is really a studly cat.  He knows all the slutty girls in the neighborhood...he just now wants a piece of the Pineapple.  For a while I thought, "no, she's got a great head on her shoulders.  She's not even 1 yet...she'll wait."  But guys, if there is one thing that life has taught me....is to never hold your breath!  Nope, this kitty has been made a filthy whore of!

I mean, I don't have the scientific proof, but I think she is preggers, and now I am left with the plaguing feeling that I will have to raise these kittens!!!  That's it, multi vitamins, doubling the calories and lots of water!!!  Princess Pine Apple Bottom (you're gonna have to get some maternity-)Jeans, you my dear are going to the vet!

Good god, I can't imagine.  What will I do with these bastard children?  Yell Free Pussy!!! Free Pussy!!!  Anyone want a kitten?   Maybe that would work, but its not practical.  How would you feel about a mother yelling that on the street with her 3 kids beside her???? Well, I know that you all wouldn't judge me but hey, it can't come to that!!!

I'll keep you all posted with the details - for right now you should totally concern yourselves with the fact that not only is she a whore, she also can shoot laser beams out of her eyes!!  She is the coolest thing of life!

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