Do Porn Stars Get Yeast Infections

What the shiz folks?


So, while I am sitting here with a loaf of wonder bread in the easy bake oven from all the friggen prescriptions and the 1-ply TP that was in the hospital I start to wonder...

DO PORNSTARS HAVE TO ENDURE THIS SHIT

****insert disclaimer here so, for all of those persons who work and love the adult entertainment industry; please do not take offense to my post but please educate me. I am not wanting to offend anyone with my post, and I fully support a healthy sexual curiosity I just personally can’t handle the “in your face” or well..your face of it all... ****

I mean, I am not a huge or even a small porn person...like I have never watched an entire whole film...maybe sad but it’s not something that floats my boat....trust...there are far better ways to excite this gal (thank you Mr. Insatiable). Anyhow, enough about that stuff..., so I am sitting here and hating being a woman for yet another reason and have the show Californication on...you know with David (recovering sex addict) Duchovney...ya that hot ass (MRS FATASS...I had to borrow it..) I think I am actually starting to have a celebrity crush on Hank...I mean really...who wouldn’t? He’s mildly sexy, a writer, free-spirit that has that something...


It got me thinking... they have a bagillion things shoved, rammed, inserted and thrust into all their lady places and yet, they always look so pink, fresh and beautiful. But, do you ever sit there and watch the deleted scenes or bloopers of the films where Luscious Tina’s twat is burning like a ring of fire? Maybe you will see a blooper of Man Whore “Lex” being muffled (sorry, I couldn’t pass that up) while singing that amazing Johnny Cash tune...”and it burns burns burns...”lol. NO! You don’t though!..um dumb question time “Do porno’s have blooper reels and deleted scenes like real featured films?” see..I don’t know this stuff..I am slowly starting to feel pathetic now, but again, it’s not something that my boat floats for.

I know that these films are fantasy and in fantasy land women don’t burp, shit, fart or have any bacterial cultures elsewhere than in their DANONE ( <---not me) pro-biotic. But women tend to need a dose of reality to relate...like human error. It’s our nature to find the flawed thread or to cling onto our insecurities and realize that we may not be perfect but love ourselves...do these women have these issues or are they blinded from the last shot in the eye? Is it the money?...well maybe that has a lot to do with it, but like I love my job a lot..and I hear and would hope that these performers love their jobs too! I just don’t know how they have the balls to do it!

Do these actresses feel the same woes as us normal women? Like really? Are you fucking human – because most of the evidence that is “on film” so kinda reality points to the fact that you all are a bunch of androids who can take it like Mr. Duggar gives it (...please read this to understand)!!

I am incredibly jealous of you android starlet’s for your curiosity and willingness to take one (or two) for the team! I applaud you all for your acting skills and making Candy walking into the Copy Store like a real life encounter...but again, are you human?

Do you ever have hairy legs that are to the point of a winter coat? Do you let your armpit hair reach a length that is disastrous and then put a T-shirt on and forget mid day that you happen to have 3 secret garden’s growing?? Have you ever felt like your vag wasn’t a weapon rather than an abyss and something that is nothing close to attractive, hot or powerful?

Porn starlets, do you have make-up artists?
While I have watched only 1 film – and again I swear this is true... my husband has seen more. He does own some too – no shame there again hunny is healthy, happy and aware (and satisfies his woman right) but I see that in each of the covers of his Highlight Reel that there are some amazingly manicured muffs out there!! I want to know, is it kept and treated like a thouroughbread is spray painted for a show? Do you have airbrush tech’s that keep your pinks pink and red’s red? How is it always sooo pretty? Maybe it’s all the lube....

Again, after all that junk goes in, out, up, down do you not chaff? Do you ever have those days where you ask yourself “If I ever have another DP it won’t be too soon!” or “I wish I didn’t have to suck another baseball bat sized hammer again...really...I’m better than that!”

These are things that I don’t think occur. I mean, call me naive, call me a prude – but...are porn stars real?

Sorry friends...i know that i am usually not on the risqué side of topics, nor do I share my bodily functions with you so matter-of-factly but Questions Need Answers friends and I’m lookin to you all to help me!

14 comments:



SuziStorm said...

I'm not going to lie...I haven't even fully read this whole post yet. But I just wanted to say that the blog post title is the FUNNIEST one I have ever seen. I so needed a good laugh! Thank you!
I'm off to read the actual post now :)

SuziStorm said...

Update: just finished reading the post and that was the best & most hilarious blog post I've read in a long time! I feel very much the same way...and to add a question: if these porn androids have real life boyfriends...is the sex any good really?? I mean I'm sure a guys mind set is all "hell yeah I'm doing a porn star" but I really have to wonder of they are actually *good* at fucking???? And arent their golden lands all worn out?? Ugh...no thank you!

Alex said...

Love that you've turned into a bitter woman!

Jenna Jameson was on Oprah the other day, and she's the biggest pornstar ever. Only ever slept with about 4 guys (her costars were mostly her husband). She has made a squillion bucks from her movies and her web site.

First chick to actually set some standards in porn land.

She said when you are being filmed it's just work. You want the dude to get it up and get it done. She is smart, pretty and now a mamma to twins.

The only regret she has is that when her kids go to school, she'll be tagged as that mom who did porn.

That sucks.

Hope you feel better soon. She said the maintenance sucked monkey balls.

MrsFatass said...

Oh my dear sweet lord did this make me laugh. (and I totally love Hank, by the way). (and the book I'm writing? I refer to it as Fucking and Punching all the time)

Mhel said...

Hahahhahaa... this is a funny post. I think they do get yeast, despite of their weekly STD checkup, well, i guess?

Thanks for dropping by at my blog. I'm glad u enjoyed it. I do have a lot of resto reviews and recipes. You can follow me tho... Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!

shauna said...

Loved this! I am laughing my ass off.

You rock!

T-rexy said...

So glad you stopped by my blog so I would be prompted to read this post! First of all, I have been in love with DD since the X-Files. When I heard that he was a sex-addict, my infatuation actually led me to say, "no, I wouldn't have taken advantage of his addiction because I think he's so perfect I would have to respect him." Of course, his wife can suck it. ANYWHO, I would bet my bottom dollar that if you did enough research, you could find plenty of porn stars who, because of their chaffing or flatulence or toe fungus, have become major stars in the weird fetish department.

T-rexy said...

PS. SO refreshing to read a blog by a mom who cusses. Totally gonna follow you.

T-rexy said...

Sorry, I meant wife. I see that there is nothing about being a mom on your profile (so far as I have seen).

The end. (I swear).

Rachel Cotterill said...

I just found your blog through SITS ... I have no idea of the answers to your questions, but I did see a documentary once about the making of porn films, and it looked like a pretty hard job! Definitely not for me!!!

Danielle said...

To quote your comment on my blog: "fan-fucking-tastic!" :) I love finding blogs that I can totally relate to!!
**Let me know when you dump all the crap out of your bag!**

Unknown Mami said...

Very thought provoking and funny as hell!

Thank you for visiting on my SITs day!

Lynn @ Walking With Scissors said...

What I want to know is their secret to not getting ingrown hairs or razor rash down there. That's some handy information to have but I'm not becoming a porn star to find out. Why didn't Oprah ask Jenna Jameson THAT one? WHY?

xanax said...

My how times have changed.