WTF Wednesdays

Holy Feck!

ok so today I have decided to make each day mean something here at InsatiableHost...so Monday's Im gonna Make Out with Blogs everywhere...it's really raunchy how much of a blog whore I could be; however, there are SOOOO many great blogs and it's now a fixation.  Tuesdays are Gratitude with Attitude because why the fuck not? and Wednesdays are Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Wednesdays....why you ask???

why is she compelled to eat Meatloaf every Thursday and Drink Red Wine on Fridays? Because I can...that's why!

anyhow, so for the first edition of What the Fuck I have to tell you about this true story...

I recently had surgery (tonsilectomy = no more lady balls), I now have no voice (well it's there but really it's friggen brutal and I do sound different - did you catch my vlog yesterday???)  anyhow, so with this limited voice I can't really talk loud or very clear. Today, I go to get a tea and a bagel because I have to eat something or my husband will wake up without a limb...so i go to my local salvation (Tim Hortons) drive through and get to the microphone thing. 

Them: May I help you
Me (while sounding like I am under water): May I please have an extra large tea, bag in double double with milk?
Them: what?
Me: could I just order up at the window?
Them: No. what do you want?
Me: I'll tell you what I want you fucking douche canoe, I want a fucking tea and a bagel but I can't talk because my lady balls were ripped out of my throat days ago and I am in mourning. May I get a large tea, 2 milk 2 sugar?
Them: ya, anything else?
Me: a plain bagel, toasted with butter please.
Them: Sure
Me: thank you...

end of the encounter?  no!  dare I tell you what was next? yes!

i get to the window and the douche captain says, that will be $3.05 please...I hand him $4.05 in change and he hands me a penny.

WTF??
ya, so I look at him and said "oh, there was a tip in quarters for you, as a tip..you should have looked at it first"
Douche Captain: "oh you're a deaf person....sorry. (then laughs) oh shit, you can't even hear me!"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! 

what the funk was that shiz?  I mean really, we just interacted, i talked to you, i repeated what you wanted me to when I ordered...ya, I'm a deaf person, and guess what fucker, you are getting fired!  I was sooo pissed off, that I parked my car, went into the store and talked to the manager.  I really was offended for all sorts of reasons.

1. this fucker thinks that he can just talk like that to people?
2. would it have been funny if I were deaf?
3. what if I were deaf? What were you going to do about it?

all I can say is this:



anyhow in all things positive, i think he got the fucking clue when his boss came over and i was to get an apology...ya, he did and did I take it like an adult and accept it?
you be your asses I didn't...

this is what he got



well..not really but I did give him the finger and walked out...
if it were a choose your own adventure book i would have 3 endings for you ...

Ending #1 - the junk punch shot...classic and sooo worth it
Ending #2 - the one where I go bat-shit-crazy and ninja skillz him
Ending #3 - when I take a jelly filled doughnut and squeeze it in his face and lick off the jelly...

ok, no that is just grosse but What the Funk!

Do you have any WTF stories?  I would totally love to hear them....leave them in a comment for me!

xoxo
danon

9 comments:



MrsFatass said...

Speechless. This leaves me WITHOUT WORDS.

Except to say this: I love the word junkpunch, and I'm SO glad you went in there and complained, and I'm SO GLAD you gave him the finger.

JewliaGoulia said...

Okay this is seriously nuts. WTF are people thinking? As much of a biatch that people think I am, I would never act like a fool in public (customer service.)

UGH, I wish you would have punched him but the finger is pretty awesome.

Also, I love that you said "lady balls."

I hope you get that voice back soon and give that little shit hell next time you are at the drive-through!

LOVE the new blog layout, etc.

:)

Julia
http://jewliagoulia.blogspot.com

Julie, The Wife said...

You know I love your lady balls, Chick Norris. And the junk punch is just you doin' what you do.

And that story is seriously WTF.

I have to say that I am intrigued by story ending #3 with the jelly donut, but only if it was posted on YouTube later. Consider that. Your audience demands it.
xoxo
Julie, ADayInTheWife.com

sarah @ i run with scissors said...

BAHAHAHA... love your story telling. his dude would definitely have made it into my throat punch thursday blog. Oh, I would have lost my knipshiz on him.

I think he might work at the tim horton's down the road from me. One of these days I'm going to drive up to the window and ping a penny off someone's forhead whilst screaming "wake up douche twat"

love your blog!!!!

Amanda said...

I have a thousand WTF stories from work alone, but my best WTF story from fast food was when I ordered an iced coffee from McD's, pulled up and the dude got all icky with me and then LICKED HIS LIPS sensually. And you bet I called the manager on his ass! Love your WTF Wednesday :)

Life, Love And Lola said...

"I had my lady balls removed" That's some funny shit!!!!!

JMJE said...

That is hilarious. You are much braver than me. Face to face confrontations are one of my biggest fears.

Miranda said...

I'm with Sue, "junkpunch" is hands down my new favorite word. Oh not to mention Ninja Skillz... hello new phrases... welcome to my dictionary.

Sarah said...

Okay, I'm hooked! LOVE your blog, so glad that Brenda's site let me to yours. Subscribing IMMEDIATELY! :) Thanks for the blog love over at my site!

Smiles,
Sarah

http://babynotch.blogspot.com