Of all the random...posts that I could have follow up WTF Wednesdays...I tell ya it's gonna be a doosy! I am so sorry that I haven't prepared a whole lotta class and sass for you but I have had a gash of a day! The dood stayed home today with me, because he smells great, cuddles and snuggles with mommy...well...apparently not on fucking Thursdays!

no!

Thursdays are the day that he likes to take his diaper off and smear it over the toilet seat. They are the days that he likes to water the plants with milk and also not take a nap! It was like, TOTALLY, awesome! (said in my worst sarcastic valley girl voice).

I also had a day where I had many looming thoughs in my head..thoughts of worry, sorrow and just a little blah! No, my bitch ain`t comin and I am past post and pre m.s...but I think that being home for these few days has really done it on me...I had my notepad open all day and aside from finding some great blogs to share with you all on Monday, I also had some deep thoughts...


I realized that in this junction of in time my life is extreemly reality based. there is no try, there is only do and do not....where do we find the exception?


when does my time begin so I can Shine?

I thought that turning 30 was going to be that time...you know, when you are at the theatre and the lights are dim and the show is going to start...that silence before the majestic? i wanted to have a moment similar to when Chicago starts...a black stage, then the spotlight on that silohuette...sexy, staturesque, poised, elegant...yet...real. I want the spotlight to slowly turn into a bright fade of great music, elements, textures of colour...like a dawning of a new Diva! (yes, i may have my jazz hands out right now..but it's only for the dramatic effect)


wow wouldn't that have been great?


truth be told there is rarely glamour in my life...rarely the moments of uber sexy-ness and glam; however, there should be! I am not asking to be dripping in diamonds and fur (cuz I would rather be more Marylin than Jackie but, it would be great to dress well daily. To feel that amazing sensation when I look smokin hot...now..McHubby, he tells me...oh boy does he tell me. you see, the hubs is a very sexual being (honey, i hope you are okay with me exposing this becuase i have not asked you..but you are...and well..i'm not ashamed of that...) anyhow, he is. He is a boob man, an ass man (he should be because I have some ba-dunk-a-dunk-in-ma'-trunk) and if he feels it, he will walk by and smak my bootie or give me a glance with his amazing eyes and lick his lips..ok, so it's not meant to turn you all on, but really...he's just like that and I am soo lucky. he loves me and my curves' curves and tells me.

anyhow...so he tells me these things, and yet..I feel like I am this woman in jogging pants, t-shirts with frazzled hair, no makeup who may or may not have caked on dried cookie on my pants, likely has a hand print on her ass from cleaning up something/one OR her son had just hugged her with hands full of chocolate pudding. I feel like the days when i am at home and make it into a bra are days that i should buy a lotto ticket because next to the 2nd coming of christ, its a rare occasion...(now, this is a side note to bras, I love them, but have not the want to put one on at 5 am when the kids get me up or at 11 am when I want to have a nap..) i mean, i know it seems like this cindarella has her glass slippers, ball gown and pumpkin; however, this is not so all the time. My days consist of looking and feeling like a disshevvled school marm, deffinately lacking in the crackin' if ya know what I mean. I literally have to psych myself up to get all gussied up with makeup and a freshly coiffed coif.

well..regardless, I want to enjoy my life so different from these feelings. I am madly in love with my husband. I absolutely adore my children and we are making it! We do fun things, talk a lot, spend time together and really...what am I missing? Sadly, I am missing me.