Of all the random...posts that I could have follow up WTF Wednesdays...I tell ya it's gonna be a doosy! I am so sorry that I haven't prepared a whole lotta class and sass for you but I have had a gash of a day! The dood stayed home today with me, because he smells great, cuddles and snuggles with mommy...well...apparently not on fucking Thursdays!
Thursdays are the day that he likes to take his diaper off and smear it over the toilet seat. They are the days that he likes to water the plants with milk and also not take a nap! It was like, TOTALLY, awesome! (said in my worst sarcastic valley girl voice).
I also had a day where I had many looming thoughs in my head..thoughts of worry, sorrow and just a little blah! No, my bitch ain`t comin and I am past post and pre m.s...but I think that being home for these few days has really done it on me...I had my notepad open all day and aside from finding some great blogs to share with you all on Monday, I also had some deep thoughts...
I realized that in this junction of in time my life is extreemly reality based. there is no try, there is only do and do not....where do we find the exception?
when does my time begin so I can Shine?
I thought that turning 30 was going to be that time...you know, when you are at the theatre and the lights are dim and the show is going to start...that silence before the majestic? i wanted to have a moment similar to when Chicago starts...a black stage, then the spotlight on that silohuette...sexy, staturesque, poised, elegant...yet...real. I want the spotlight to slowly turn into a bright fade of great music, elements, textures of colour...like a dawning of a new Diva! (yes, i may have my jazz hands out right now..but it's only for the dramatic effect)
wow wouldn't that have been great?
truth be told there is rarely glamour in my life...rarely the moments of uber sexy-ness and glam; however, there should be! I am not asking to be dripping in diamonds and fur (cuz I would rather be more Marylin than Jackie but, it would be great to dress well daily. To feel that amazing sensation when I look smokin hot...now..McHubby, he tells me...oh boy does he tell me. you see, the hubs is a very sexual being (honey, i hope you are okay with me exposing this becuase i have not asked you..but you are...and well..i'm not ashamed of that...) anyhow, he is. He is a boob man, an ass man (he should be because I have some ba-dunk-a-dunk-in-ma'-trunk) and if he feels it, he will walk by and smak my bootie or give me a glance with his amazing eyes and lick his lips..ok, so it's not meant to turn you all on, but really...he's just like that and I am soo lucky. he loves me and my curves' curves and tells me.
anyhow...so he tells me these things, and yet..I feel like I am this woman in jogging pants, t-shirts with frazzled hair, no makeup who may or may not have caked on dried cookie on my pants, likely has a hand print on her ass from cleaning up something/one OR her son had just hugged her with hands full of chocolate pudding. I feel like the days when i am at home and make it into a bra are days that i should buy a lotto ticket because next to the 2nd coming of christ, its a rare occasion...(now, this is a side note to bras, I love them, but have not the want to put one on at 5 am when the kids get me up or at 11 am when I want to have a nap..) i mean, i know it seems like this cindarella has her glass slippers, ball gown and pumpkin; however, this is not so all the time. My days consist of looking and feeling like a disshevvled school marm, deffinately lacking in the crackin' if ya know what I mean. I literally have to psych myself up to get all gussied up with makeup and a freshly coiffed coif.
well..regardless, I want to enjoy my life so different from these feelings. I am madly in love with my husband. I absolutely adore my children and we are making it! We do fun things, talk a lot, spend time together and really...what am I missing? Sadly, I am missing me.
a day in the life of the wife, mother, friend, lover.....fuck it..
my day consists of actions...many many actions that are inconsequential. actions that get trivial pieces of the puzzle put together. actions that keep me continually exhausted, hopped up on caffein and adrenalyn. the endless days and nights that lead into days. There are many actions that mold my children's lives, moments that hold on to my dreams and let my thoughts get carried away. My actions feel as if they are so important though. I have seen for myself what happens when all of my actions are removed from a day and hunny that shit is apparent! my actions do matter; however, these are actions that wear away at my passion. It dimishes my ability to focus on my marriage, my husband, ideas of love, lust and dreams....
i need to have a passion for myself.
does that shit even sound normal? where are these thoughts coming from today? anyhow..so i am going to try to lust myself...in a non dirty way! I know that it's in me. i've seeen it, felt it and enjoyed it all before...so maybe it's just the dull months, maybe it's just the days where i feel low..who knows
all i know is that this Bitch is gonna tear it up and douse these blahs with some.........
Fuck, I still can't drink alcohol...
what the hell am i going to douse with???
water? no...too boring
tea? no...i'm not English
I got it..I have some Fruitopia - Passion Fruit Awareness...Fuckin' right doggy...that's what'll be! Que sira sira right?!
Heres to it...lusting myself!!! Go on...cheers me!!!
have a great night frackers!!! thanks for listening!
And for all y'all who liked WTF Wednesdays...here it is...my meme tag for it, if you like the idea, then deffinately grab the tag and place it on your blog...let me know you are taking it, so if I don't follow you, i can and watch and see WTF is up with you're Wednesdays!!!
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I know its an organized week for our little love fest here bloggie world; however, it really has inspired me to write a lot more and be consistant...rather than having 30 little notes here and there trying to piece them all together....
have a great Friday and I'll talk with ya soon!!!!