Oh Holy Matress...Serta be thy name

It's Sunday today...but I am in the habit of pre-posting or planning, so you have already seen a post from me at 6:00 am.  Call it what you will; however, with the schedule that I keep, its almost necessary that I am funny for 3 hours on Saturday and 6 hours on Sunday....Monday - Friday you are getting me RAW!  This is also the first time that I had used the Posting Options before...when you can decide when your post with be updated.  While I feel that it does take a little bit away from the actual feeling..I think it just does that for the author...the reader still can understand.

Anyhow, so on this fine Sunday morning...I get this phone call....it was 6:54 am.  ON SUNDAY!  The call was from my father.  Now, a little history here...father isn't so involved in our life.  We are related, true and he does share my DNA; however, since my mother and he separated when I was 12, it's not been the same relationship that one would typically have with their father.

I still am always longing after his approval and it literally makes me sick when I can't tell him how I feel about something or how he embarrasses me when he treats people rudely etc.  Well...it's come to a breaking point with my feelings towards him because he missed the kids birthdays...I am not pouting because they didn't get gifts...THIS IS SERIOUS... he didn't call, show-up...anything. 

I do call  him still weekly, and feel that the parenting job that this answering machine does makes up for a little bit of the lack of his presence; however, it's a little unfair.

We have lived in our new place for almost 2 months...he has been invited here several times also, but he has yet to step in the door..sit down, break bread!! ANYTHING.  No, rather he would like to call 3 minutes before showing up with 2 cakes he baked for the kids birthdays ( a month and 2 days late on Sophia's and 21 days later for Lucas') at 8:30 pm at night on a Sunday.  Now, far be it for me to cut someone up when they make a cake for someone, but really...do you not think that calling ahead would be something that would be preferred?

No.  Let's show up in the pouring rain, (have your family welcome you in with coffee, food and to see the kids you haven't seen in how long???) no...just stand on the stoop, throw a walmart bag at each child and leave.  True Story.

The next moments made me sick to my stomach because Sophia asked me "is Grandpa mad at us?  why wouldn't he stay?"  I did every justice to him at that moment, explaining that he was so excited to give you the cake and present but knew it was so late on a school night that he had to leave...(P'cha!)  No, it was because he is an arse!

Anyhow...I had left messages and informed him that when inviting yourself over, it's totally fine...we are family and my door is always open; however, could he please try to keep the "kid" visits to when they are awake and plan them with something called notice?  He agreed.

....(this takes us back to this morning)

So I answer the phone..."Hello" I say knowing who it is, being just woke up by the phone so early
"Hel-lo!" he sings into the phone ( cuz he's a freak like that)
"goodmorning (yawn...grumble grumble)....what's up?" i am trying to hold back my enthusiasm really.

"the suuun is up, darling!"  again, with the fucking singing.  what's with this guy???  He has never been like this...anyhow... he asks to talk with the kids. (this is code for I am going to ask your kids to do something and then they will get excited and I will have to forge my pride and say "OK"....

Sophia takes the phone..he's sing/talking to her too..but she's 6 and digs that shit. "would you like tooo go tooo church with me?"  I can see that the fact he is talking to her is making her smile bigger than I could ever imagine he would be able to.  He is also likely dancing like a grateful dead bear...she loves the idea and tells him "OK pop-pop I'm gonna get dressed now"..Immediately, I sit up.  "Soph, what's up...what are you doing?" 

I take the phone from her as she is floating like a bubble to her room to get ready.."what is this?"  he tells me he wants to take the kids to church..all 3.  This from a man who has never been alone with my 3 kids by himself.  From a man who tells children amazing things like, "let's bake cupcakes together tomorrow" and doesn't call or show up. 

Seeing my kids faces with disappointment and broken is something that I will not let happen.  I had to deal with that daily...not them.  I told him "if you are serious then you better show...also, what happened to notice?"

"well..it's not even 7:00 am yet, and I'll be there at 8:30 am:"  NICE. it's an hour and a half notice...I guess it'll have to do.  "So, are you just taking So, or are you taking Bella?"  I ask almost wishing he would say just Sophia....but no.  He explains how he is the father of 4 kids, and that he wants to take all 3.  I couldn't help but laugh.  I mean, he is the father of 4 but the age gaps between my eldest sister and youngest sibling is 13 years...and between each of us it's 4+ years...really Dad..it's not the same.

Anyhow, I explained to him that I think it's great that he would like to take them but as he isn't a consistent figure in their life (literally he pops in and out of their life like those ground-hogs in Whomp-Em)that taking the girls would be fine and that perhaps if he saw the kids more and I knew they were comfortable with him then another time all 3 could go.

He disagrees but finally realized "they are your kids Danon...you do what you want, but I know I would be fine with all 3"  Like he was pouting or trying to prove me wrong..whatever, I have no time for mental games..it's too early, I haven't had caffeine and I am literally turning into the Sahara as I am so dehydrated.

The girls are both bobbing up and down with giggles and excitement right now...I can't tell you how happy this makes me...I just know that this feeling follows with the hurt of being lied to.  Promises broken, things left changed.

I am now sitting here, worried that something is going to go wrong...but I can't help it!  I am worried that he will say or do something to offend..or promise them each a cloud and hand them a lemon as his gift.  My girls surely don't take kindly to rudeness and I have taught them to call out a lie...but would they do this to someone who they clearly hold on a pedestal like I do??? 

I can't help but freak out right now, as in my girls eyes, I am witnessing some sort of surreal review of my childhood....and it's fucked up!  He says they will be home by 11:30 or 12:00...so let's see what happens.

Is it wrong to doubt your parents?  What about when collectively they are the source of every single bad decision you have ever made?  You know when you are growing up and you think "I'll never be like that"...yah..this is why!!!!

We aren't even that religious...and his first outing is Church?  I think that the girl will really enjoy it though...but they have been baptized Catholic and my father is Presbyterian.  Mr. Insatiable and I both believe; however, we feel that you don't have to go to a certain place of worship to believe.  We know there's someone there...cuz keeping our life as it is, our marriage strong it's gonna take more than some sexy lingerie and sultry looks.  We know who's there.

But back to the choice of Church for his first outing...I think at least it's a safe option.  Maybe I need to pray or something:

Oh Holy Mattress
Serta be thy name
Thy coffee's on
Thy breakfast done
In the kitchen, as it is where you cook.

Give me this time, to think and blog
And forgive me from cursing.
Also forgive those fuckers who curse at me.
And lead my mind not, into thinking negatively
But deliver some good news soon

For thine rhymes with wine
And the power will be glorious
Forever and ever
Good night.


Betty Fokker said...

Holy crap! I just blogged about a narcissistic parent and the damage they do! Must be something in the air today about parental damage ...

Good luck with it all, BTW.

Just can't think of a funny comment to go with a disappointed child.

Jenn Erickson said...

Danon, so sorry to hear about this frustrating relationship with your father. I think there are many, many of us who had the misfortune of being given "role models" (roll-of-the-eyes) who are completely undeveloped, immature, fractured human beings. We, as their children, end up assuming the role of "parent". I've heard it said that, "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger", and I certainly think that in a case like this, where a parent, or parents have desecrated the title, we have the opportunity to rise to the occasion and become better parents to our children. Sounds like you're on the right path to me, but I know that it doesn't make the interactions with your father any easier. I love the way you wrote with wit and edge and humor, especially the clever spin on the prayer. So glad to have met you! Jenn