WTF Wednesdays -


It's been a long fuckin time for this one bitches!

I know that I have been worlds worst blogger when it comes to consistency, sending the message daily etc; however, I am getting better.  I will say that I have the ultimate WTFW for you.

When I was in grade school...like the 2nd grade I was in a split class.  This was when they didn't have enough people for a full class they put the smarter kids in the lower grade in with the slower kids of the grade above.  Grade 2.5 was really great not, it was fucking horrible like many of my years  You see, I have this thing with my nerves.  When I get stressed, nervous or anxious I tend to have these things happen...call them symptoms if you will.

Hot flashes
Cold Sweats
Head Ache
Shaking in wrists

these things all aren't as bad, but they are the indicator that something wrong is going to happen.

It ain't gonna be pretty or girlie either.

So, on days when I wasn't at school 15 minutes before the bell, or at home when I was supposed to be (again 15 minutes before due) I would get so stressed about time.  Like this fucking bomb was going to go off and have my heart explode.  I have never understood where this all came from but its real and it still happens. thank fuckin god not to the degree it was before.

I remember one day, I was in class and it was a hot dog day.  You remember those days, when you forked over $2.00 for a stale bun, over-cooked dog and a shitty doughnut.  Yah...them days.

I remember I stood up, to go get my stale doughnut and all of a sudden, lightening struck. 
I totally shit my pants.

There aren't words to explain how mortifying this was.  The worst part was it wasn't like something you could try to clear up.  No, this was rank, explosive crap in my pants and my teacher heard me...before anything else, I had tears in my eyes and tried to fight them back.  The good thing was (well... I don't really know how good this was ...but I am a positive person...so we'll call it the silver lining of the poopy pants) that she knew of my "issues".  Instantly she grabbed my bag and called my mom.   While I was never sure if other people actually knew what was going on, I always had that feeling like no one else deuces...you're the only one.  I felt literally like crap because I would leave early on a weekly basis at least once.

I never had any disease or anything...I just couldn't control my fucking nerves.  Now, this type of thing still happens.  The good thing about being an adult is that you know when it'll happen.  It usually when you are looking forward to do something really fun/special.  When you wanna get a piece of ass or when you are at work/in the car stuck in traffic or other opportunities where you would be left to deuce yourself.

Occasionally, I feel like I will puke or crap, and I get confused as to what to address first.  Luckily I can read my symptoms well enough to make the right choice.

I can't tell you how infuriating this is.  How embarrassing that it gets when you have that urge..or rather, your body has the urge to spring clean your insides out. 

Anyhow, so on that day...when the teacher looked at me like she knew I was going to explode or had just.  I remember this kid standing beside me.  I remember that I never really talked to them that much and I also remember that after I stopped crapping my pants (1/2 way through that year) I transferred schools.  Today, now some 23/24 years later I get an email on FaceBook.

"Danon...I think you may be this girl I went to school with at ______ _______ public school.  were you the girl who crapped her pants and then transferred schools?"

I. just. crapped. myself.
(no..I swear I didn't but what the fuck?!?!?!)

Did this person know that I had been searching for a good WTF story to bring this meme back??? Who fucking asks that?  Like I don't have enough scarring from this emotionally and socially...

Dear FuckWad...I think you may have been that douche bag I went to school with at ..... .....  Weren't you that guy who got caught masturbating in the janitors room?  Yeah, I thought you were!


4 comments:



KellyGrrl said...

OMG!! What a dick!

JewliaGoulia said...

*blink, blink*

Kristy said...

Bastard! So sorry, sweetie! This is not nearly as rude, but I will never forget this one asshole in a bar. I was walking by to get to the bathroom, and he looked down and then looked up at me and said, "Those are some fucked up toes." WTF??

Crystal said...

Wow! WTF...

AFter reading that story, I can't wait to read some more of your blog. :)