I'm one Bitch-Crazed MommaFuhka!

This is a story about Mrs. Insatiable.
She is a mother of 3 children under the ages of 5.
She is a full time worker, full time care giver and is fully under some stress as of late.  Here is her story.

is a woman of many words.
she has only a few things that really make her fucking batty - we shall discover one of these few things below.

I feel and fear that this post should have some sort of a disclaimer though...here it is...

****If you are not a mother, have always thought that pregnancy is a magical experience, if you are a soon to be mother, or if you have not every understood how women get to that psychotic level of "angry mom" please don't read.  If you find yourself offended by mothers ranting about things on blogs, or feel that perhaps the things that I say below are offensive, please keep your feelings to yourself...for I have had one bad fucking day!  Also, if you feel as if this is of concern, please don't...I just need to get this off my chest to ensure that I don't take it out on my kids.  After all, I am only human - aren't I entitled to a bad day?


Hey...You...over there!  Ya, I m talking to you...I see you sniffling like a little whiny sniffleywhinerson.  You are making my head spin faster than a propeller.  I am trying to see every possible good innocent and amazing thing that you mean to me right now; however, I am finding it extremely hard to do this right now.

I can't tell you just how friggen exhausted I am of listening to you cry and whine every time you don't get what you are demanding from me or anyone else you are encountering.  I have no idea who you think you are, or what you think this is doing to make the end result positive but hunny, you are pissing on the wrong lady's tree with this bull shit attitude.

Yes, I really think that our bonding experience yesterday at Walmart was amazing.  Aw...you remember, how you were snuggled on the FLOOR screaming your friggen head off that "I hate you mommy" and how I should "GET AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY from me NOW!" in such a high pitch shrill.  And wasn't it amazing to meet our new friend Mr. Security Guard? Oooh, mommy is soo happy you are branching out to meet new people but FYI sugar lips..THIS IS NOT HOW IT'S TO BE DONE.  I have no idea what it is about the tone of any child's voice when they whine that makes me want to lock myself in a closet and drink the hand sanitizer to put myself out of the misery, but it's got to stop!

I can't tell you how many circuits I feel I blow when the whining is a result of me telling you "no" for jumping off of the treadmill or from one bed to another.  When I tell you to hold my hand in the parking lot, it does not require a full out dramatic performance that should only be seen in Splendour in the Grass...and yes, even though you have already cut your own hair, and it may work for that only reason, I AM NOT THE PERSON YOU SHOULD BE DOING THIS TO!

apparently the word MOM means

Maybel - Im gonna walk all over you until you use the drum sticks from my little tykes set to poke your eyeballs out. 

It could also mean that

   My sanity as i
knOw it is over for the rest of
    My life

I have absolutely no idea how to combat these feelings; however, I have to tell you that getting this rant off my chest is totally helping and now that I think of it, I really want to know what the spectators were thinking when they say this little angelic face that I love with all of my entirety turn into the thing from the Grudge.  Were they like "is that her kid?"  "what a bad mother" "oh, shut up kid!"  "oooh what a rough day that mother has had, and look she has on clothes that don't fit too"  "she needs to get her hair done  -- BAD" or were they oblivious to the surroundings...did they perhaps walk through the experience with muted ears?  Perhaps not the latter, and I really don't care about what they were thinking, because, I had a bad fucking day!

I had such a bad day that all I wanted to do was hug the crap out of that little monster to make her know how insanely bitch-crazed I was over this outburst.  To make it worse, when we got into the car and I started the silent treatment to everyone around me so I didn't say things I felt at that time, all she could do was cry and say "Momma, I am so sorry I was such a bad girl.  It's just so hard to be a big good girl...like you"

ya....the next thoughts are still clear in my head now the day after...

 for the thoughts I had.

for the way I fantasized about screaming (but totally held my shit together so that has to count for something right?)

 that the incident still happened and that there wasn't any getting out of it

but mostly, finding myself in complete

 for her realizing that I am perfect she made a mistake, and that she was really wrong with her actions and behavior.

If you or someone you love has had a bad day, I really hope that you can see past the shit and mess of it to see just how much the people in your life mean to you.  I can't tell you the total 180 that ensued from yesterdays hot mess to today's amazing day at the zoo with our family...I am just glad that I didn't drink the sanitizer....maybe tomorrow!!

xoxo Insatiable


Miranda said...

Oh honey I'm so sorry! These are the moments I fear when I have children because I'm not quite so sure I'll be able to hold it together the way you did. I hope you get some peace very soon!

Smart Ass Sara said...

Ooh...my kids did this once. And as soon as they started, I did the whole good mommy giving a warning thing. And then they continued. I had MAYBE 15 minutes of shopping left. We really, really needed the food. But I snapped. I grabbed both of their asses, dragged them out of the store all the while saying, "If you can't shut the fuck up in a god damn store you aren't getting dinner. Because I refuse to sit in a store with your whining asses for another minute." And 3 people clapped. They have never done it again.

And one time I was at Target and this little girl was seriously having a psychotic break or something. I swear to you I thought her mom was going to either go nuts or beat the hell out of her. So I go up to the girl, maybe 5 years old and I say, "Listen. You are too fucking big to be acting like a god damn one year old baby. You pick this crap up because the rest of us have things to shop for. And you need to help your mom and listen because she could easily leave you on the side of the road." I think the girl peed. Oh well. I didn't hear a word out of her through the whole store and the mom hugged me. LOL.

Erin said...

OMG - I feel for ya sista but damn I hate that shit when it happens. Only my two are 12 and 15 now and they still can make a frickin scene in public but.......I have then now....they are teenagers so they will do anything as to NOT BE EMBARRASSED by mom. If they give me attitude or mouth when we are out and about, I just say really loud...something like "Okay, honey I will get you some of the cute batman underwear!" or anything equally embarrassing. That shuts them up PDQ.

Julie, The Wife said...

And this is why I smile in the store when I hear some kid losing their shit, because I think:
A) It is not mine, thank you Jesus.
B) I have SO been there, and
C) That poor mom. I want to bring her a margarita.