Why do I smell puke EVERYWHERE???

Ok kids, cat, neighbours, hubby....who the funk puked in our house?
I can not for the life of me rid my nasal passages of this odorous funk and I am seriously contemplating getting out my old synchro gear and putting the plug on! I have searched high and low - top and bottom and for the life of me can not find the source of PUKE.
I know you are all thinking, Danon, you must have been a tad drunkie-poo on rum n cokes and you could have puked in your closet and hid it under one of hubbies chef jackets....and the answer my friends is NO- I am not the puker!! I actually have mastered the job of HOLDING MY OWN thank you very much.
On the real, where do these smells come from???? I have looked everywhere...could my neighbours be sitting in a pile of chunks and I am just worrying about my sense of smell? Should I be concerned about them??? - Well...no one is concerned about me - so eff you neighbours! Princess Pineapple Bottom Jeans, you little bitch, did you yak in my Manolo's???? (ok I don't have manolo's but the heels that I do have, I wish were manolo's ...is that close enough?) But did you??? You were home all day - what were you doing? If I find you little cat-yak anywhere...you better hope you can say your hail mary's and that the pope understands Pussy! (lol..okay...that may be a bit overboard but i mean to say "kitten"- even though I am totally leaving it ---maybe i'll have to do more hail mary's than I though!)
All day I have been walking around and feeling that..."did the kid just launch on my shirt and I can't tell because it's in the middle of my back?" feeling because seriously, I can smell this like EVERYWHERE!! The funny thing is when I asked the eldest critter if she could smell it anywhere..she just looked at me like I was on glue. She says momma, I think you have lost your marbles!
This actually has happened before to me when I would smell "wet dog" everywhere....but that lead to me finding out I was knocked up ...er I mean blessed with a tiny seed. And kids, for those of you who haven't dont your homework - I have had my factory shut the fuck down..and in this economy who would blame me? Really having to pay for all the over time and stat. holidays for these tools..puh-chaw! But ya, so when I found out I was preggers with So, I would smell this wet dog nonsense everywhere, and it would make me gag...like wretch...
urgh..like...it's totally happening now, because I remember that feeling...(ICK!)
Anyhow, if there is a mystery launch-er please stand up; please stand up;
I can't stand this effing smell, and I have my patchuli insense burning on every level and I think the Pope may think it's a friggen sign from above and come to visit this non-holy abode....it could make for some news-worthy publicity; however, I doubt even he has the answers to the mystery smell.
Oh well...here's hoping
Hail Mary,Full of Grace,The Lord is with thee.Blessed art thou among women,and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.Holy Mary,Mother of God,pray for us sinners now,and at the hour of death. Amen
(let's hope I dont get shot, as i am not catholic, but if the pope is coming for dinner I better get all the help I can on my side!)
Have a great night friends and I hope to hear from y'all soon -
PS welcome new friends!!! Thanks for stopping by- if you have good ideas about how to get rid of the nasal funk please let me know I am taking prescriptions, home remedies and more!


Anonymous said...

My un-scientific thought is that your smell sense is doing more "remembering" than anything else. Soft of like a song stuck in your head. Maybe you need to create a stronger smell like make some dang microwave popcorn. That smell stays in a house for 3 days minimum.

That being said however, keep investigating and eventually you'll find the suspicious package. Could it be a sour smell from an unused sink drain? dump down some vinegar or some baking soda and just let it sit there.

I did a two day search months ago for what I thought was an unforgivable rotting smell and accidently later discovered that a bit of mold was growing under the dish strainer mat off to the side of the counter where water can (and did) did creep under it. It was about the size of a dime. I don't know for sure if that's the smell I searched for, but I am convinced that women know the smell of their homes and know when something is unusual.

The Insatiable Host said...

Hi Anonymous...thank you for your messge - I too thought it was my memory of puking children or something; I actually started to burn a pine candle...I tried everything...after 3 days I started to do just what you had proposed. I checked the drains, the floors, there ins't any carpet, but I scoured everywhere...until a lightbulb went off in my head!!! I went into my son's room...I checked everywhere for a bottle, sippy cup anything that would harbour something that would make such a stink. GUESS WHAT! I found it...the source of my freaking out, thinking I was crazy and my sheer frustration. He lifted the floor vent up and threw his lightening McQueen sippy cup into it...and it had milk in it.

Not only was this not safe, and grosse it was something that I didn't think my son had the capacity to do. Now as I say this in my head I know I am dillusional as he is 2.5 yrs old and anything is possible!

Thanks for your comments!! I hope you have a great one!