Here it is...plain and simple. I need a wife. I am not of the lesbian or bi persuasion (and all the power to you if you are); however, I feel that I am letting everything fall through the cracks as a wife and my husband really works hard...but still I cannot get everything done in 2 days off each week. So, I need a wife. Plain and simple.



She doesn't have to put out...I am really good at that, and will absolutely be able to take care of that department...and no hunny, she cannot join either...I'm not down with that! But, if she could take care of 1/2 of my responsibilities, then I would have more time to treat  YOU my husband the way you deserve...massages, dinner cooked for him when he comes home. Children's lunches ready the night before, and the house spotless!



She would be able to watch the kids, while I go to the laundry mat...cuz guess what, it's not fucking fun taking 3 kids to the laundry mat when you have 6+ loads to do each week! It's no fun because there are other people who come and go and let their kids run around and bump into things...it's also no fucking fun to fold said loads of laundry while taking your bra off your sons head, and undoing the stockings that middle child has wrapped around the oldest ones neck because they are playing horse and carriage. I tell you it's absolutely no fucking fun to then load the 3 kids into the van, take all the loads of laundry and cart them into your house...so wife, guess what...you are also babysitting on Saturday mornings!



During your time on Saturday mornings it would be especially great if you could also prepare breakfast for the kids, because, before I gear up and do my chores, I would like to sleep past 6 am for one day each week. I know I sound selfish, but I think that as you are a wife, these are things that you should just do automatically because that is one of the joys of being a wife. Sorry to any of you out there who have the 50's mentality that this wife-job should be done in a pleated dress with a smile...cuz guess what...NOT THIS WIFE, NOT THIS DECADE!



In return, I will give you a day off to yourself!! This is a fair trade. Sundays are the day that I will resume all responsibilities for my family and you can go to get your nails done, hair done or whatever you need to do to be the respectable wife-but if you do go shopping, you should try to buy me something, because I would like to be pampered too! I will make you breakfast...a wonderful hearty and healthy breakfast. I will provide the laughter with the kids and my husband.... (Oh, you noticed that right???!! Well...back off! He is mine! I have put in 11 years with this man, and you do not get the privilege to call him your husband until he is in the dog house! Same goes for the kids...FYI)



Wife, I would also like to know if we could perhaps each have a mental health day....or a few hours. I keep hearing that locking ourselves into our closets to drink a bottle of wine is becoming more and more frowned upon... (Again those 50s house wives...WTF were they doing?!!?!) I really don't see the problem here, especially if you were here....you could take time out for you and then I could do it too...



This could also be something that would eliminate emotional days. My husband may love this idea. Occasionally, I get over sensitive and over bearing. I tend to be irrational during these pre-m.s days and it would be great if you could be sensitive to my needs during this time. Oh, and while we are still focusing on me and my needs...PLEASE DON'T SYNC with me...this would totally defeat the purposes. I think that this one is going into the contract....if you sync with my cycle, then you will be fired because you will not be any good to me and I may stab you with my tweezers.

(NOTE TO DAN: if you are reading this...I won't tell her anything I promise, I’m just playing writer...and I won’t marry a woman or ask you to deal with another woman, between me, the girls and your mom, I think you have your work cut out for you for the rest of your life xoxo).

Love.

There have been moments in my life when something so strong has pulled me in this direction.  I have never known exactly what it was until I met you... yes you!  There are so many things that I could say you have done for me, to me with me and still, I hear your voice and it makes my heart skip a beat.

We started out as friends many years ago..and I remember that first night when we stayed up talking on the stairs until you had to work the next day!!  I cherish these memories in my heart day after day.  I remember our first kiss...so soft and perfect.  I remember the first time that you and I walked along the water, drinking champagne at the rocks...and the first time that we made love.

I know that there are many special times that you and I have in our hearts.  Please know that each and every day I do love you, will support you and am so lucky to have you in my life.

You are my best friend, confidant and the best father to our children...you have given me the three most precious gifts...you have given me strength when I needed it most and have always respected me for me.  There are many words that I could use to discribe my love for you, but just looking in my eyes, you know it's true.

Don't for once ever think that i don't love you.
Don't for once ever think that i won't be there for you;
I will remain always your
Girl.

Happy Valentine's Day hunny, and thank you for these!!!! They are beautiful!

HAPPY FRIDAY fuckers!

I am sooo happy today is here!  Today marks the end of my own personal hell being over.  I willnot have to make any more reservations for Valentine's day!!!!!!!!!  I couldn't be happier - well until this time next year!  I have to admit though, for all the stress and chaos, I remained successful and on top of my game for the most part...I was talked off the ledge (not really) by only a few people and I am still here to thank them for it!

On a different note, today gives me one more reason to be proud to be Canadian.  We are hosting the Olympics bitches!  I am sitting here watching the amazing display of culture, patriotism and pride.  I have seen so many amazing things that I had never seen.  Now, I grew up in a smaller town called Caledonia, which is right near the First Nations Reserve, and I certainly had been immersed in the Native Culture; however, I have been so impressed by each of the distinct differences in indiginour young people; attire; wardrobe and more...its so beautiful.

Anyhow, so as the Olympics give me reason to be proud, CTV a local television network that is airing 12-18 hours of the games daily aired some of the most obsured content I could have seen ever!  Right while they were waiting for the opening ceremonies to start they shoot to a bit from Much Music (you guessed it a Music network) that are filming on site...The clip is of 1/2 naked young girls in a hot tub with a VJ talking about drinking games, while 2 20 something dudes strip down into their gitch "drop your gear for beer" was being chanted then the cameras switch to a chalet where there are more 1/2 naked young girls doing body shots...  Now I don't know about y'all but WTF were they thinking??????  This is a time for athelets, countries and groups to be so proud that these games are still going since the early years and they air tarts being tarts??  Canada, where is your pride? 

The funniest or saddest part was when they cut back to CTV's broadcasters, their faces were more shocked than mine.  I can't imagine how many profanities were in their head!  The next thing that shot to my brain was..what about those 1/2 naked girls parents!!! Are they proud?! Did they see it??! Likely...who isn't watching the Olympics!  Wowzers.  That is all I can say...

Lastly, I would like to pay homage to El Buli.

I am not sure if you all know what this is; however, it's the worlds best restaurant (year over year for many years) in Roses, Spain.  The executive Chef Ferin Adria has headed this kitchen since 1983 when he took over the kitchen and changed it from a French Restaurant to the Gastronomic Lab that it is today.  Anyhow, so it has been announced and confirmed that this restuarnt will be closing indeffinately.

Now, I happen to know that reservations here are not happening - Especiallly for this Valentine's Day (if you were thinking about askiing) but, there are people who have waited YEARS to go here.  There are blogs about experiences here and there are dreams that I have about enjoying the incredible creations that escape from the kitchen...and now they are tarnished.  There aren't any more reservaitons, dreams or anything...it's a sad day in the culinary world

The silver lining is that they will open for this season June 15- December 11...anyone of you lucky ducks who have a reservation this year, you should buy a lotto ticket because you now have a horseshoe up your ying yang.  First, you obtained the most saught after reservation in the world and second you made it through to the end...if anyone has been there..could you tell me all about it?  If you are going, can you tell me about it...when, let's count down together...I would like to share in your excitement!

As for my food log I have kept things very simple each day.  I don't know how many calories I have eaten daily; however, I have had 5 bottles of water a day at work and also have enjoyed salad every day for lunch and dinner with my 4 oz of lean protein.  I have also started to have breakfast, either a 12-grain bagel with protein or I have made egg white scramble with 12 grain toast (1/2 peice).  I haven't totally abandonned carbs, but I have significantly reduced them to just in the morning. 

Now I have not been perfect, yesterday one of my colleagues, Princess Cupcake sent our office cupcakes and I have to tell you all that I ate one...everything but the last 2 oz of icing...it was Skor.  There were skor bites, creamcheesie icing and the cake part was vanilla cake that was scented like chocolate....holy fuckballs...I had to have a cigarette afterwards....(ok I didn't really but Lena said there were funny noises coming from my desk.) 

I have maintained working out 4 days this week and I feel good.  I am not seeing results but I know that it's about this itme that something starts to happen so perhaps something to report on Monday's weigh in...if not, next for sure.

Anyhow, I will talk with you soon...for my missing follower....you'll be missed, and I am sorry I could not give you what you needed.

Happy Friday
Have a drink!

What's up peeps!?

I hope you all are doing swell.  Well I have literally zero time to post much tonight but I wanted to stay in line with what I had told ya...so weigh in today for 1 week of back to exercise; low carbs and TONS of water...
I knew that I shouldn't have any expectation on this one as I know it takes like a week to get your body burning what it needs to...but I have lost officially 1.4 lbs.  I am now 182.

Not bad, not great...but I am drinking average 5 bottles of water at work and doing the remainder at home. I also find that this little trick is helping.  Every time I fill my bottle up, I write a check on the calendar...this way I am keeping track each day and I feel like I have accomplished something.

Food wise, I am still learning...gosh there is soooo much stuff out there to read!  I did have an excellent Apple and Broccoli coleslaw with walnuts, celery and carrots in it that my mother-in-law made CAN I JUST TELL YOU IT ROCKED!!!!  What a great way to get your sweet tooth knocked outta your mouth?!

Anyhow, I am off to bed as I am sitting here with one eye dozing!!

Hope you all are great!

Danon

Whenever the pms fairy lands in my postal code there aren't mant things that don't start the water works. Perhaps I am an over-sensitive person because I just dhed a tear at the new mercedes benz commercial; and maybe jusy maybe it was a tad eccentric when I was cooking eggs today, when Lucas came up to me and said "I love you so much momma" that I wept for a few minutes. I really can't see a way to combat these emotional feelings. Work is SO busy and Dan's schedule is long. Perhaps everything just boils over each month and to cope I take it all in stride and the only way I maintain focus on everything that matters is by letting the stress escape from my eyes. Pardon the metaphore but like taking a lid off of the pot. I have been feeling this come about for 2 weeks. My dr called it when he tried to sugar(free) coat the blow of my weight with this excuse. He said "oh danon, its not so bad and plus your menstral cycle is soon anyhow...you know you always balloon up." Ya that's the luv from my doctor. Although true-fuck you! So anyhow, weepy-eyed me get in one of these fits of tears when 4o comes around the corner and screams "there's no crying in baseball MOMMY!!!!" Ok kids, you're moms a pussy! Deal with the hand you're dealt. On other notes, each day I have stuck like white on rice to eating right! I have consumed the following; Breakfast: Large coffee dbl dbl with milk 3/4 cup muslix w 1/2 cup skim milk Bottle of water Snack: 30 green seedless grapes Bottle water Lunch: Salad- 3 cups mesculin mix, 1/2 cucumber, 1/e med red bell pepper, red onion, 6 cherry tomatoes, 1/2 avacado and 3 oz chicken or salmon. Lemon juice dressing with 1/2 tblspn evoo and balsamic vinegar dressing. Bottle water Botle water Snack: apple or yogurt Dinner; salad with chicken/salmon again Bottle water I have felt full each day and because I literally love salad I don't see myself getting sick of it. I have also done jumping jax, running, skipping and leg lifts for my cardio and abs and arm/leg combos for 3 days! I effinv can't wa-t to get dans computer back! I am sorry for the lack of posts and reading your blogs! As it is my thumb is locked where it is bent and numb. Really it is! Anyhow I haven't weighed in but it'll be on monday. I don't know what to think. When I have the computer to watch the shred it will be better than trying to remember in my head. I'm not gonna lie I totally did that the other night. FAIL!!!! Ok I better get movin but hope everyone is great.

Today I was handed my slice of reality with a side of humility. I have a surgical procedure forthcoming and I had to get my pre-op done with the dr. This is when they weigh you, measure you, take ypur blood pressure (in my head I'm totally thinking belittle you; humiliate you and expose you in those horrible lights that department stores have). And while I know that I am the maker of my destiny I actually was under the delusion that dr's were to protect us, heal us and give us the perscription to make our lives better. Sadly if you too were under this impression .... We are DEAD wrong my friends. Well my reality check kicks into play when I weighed in. I have let my tight grip go of my work out schedule and I have faltered a bit with my eating over the last few weeks. I had no idea just how much I had let slide (down my fucking throat!) You guys... I am back to 183lbs and although I feel I am able to pull it off; there is no effing way I am just going to lwt this slide. I have just had the dose of reality that I need to kick me back into 5th gear. I am making a promise to you all that I will be strong again. I am not maaking excuses for what has happened but BUTT BUT BUT BUT I will say that after losing weight and feeling that high; to feeling the low I am feeling now????? Its not happening again. I have also been talking with a girlie at work who asked abous Zumba class and we will be joining for Monday evenings. For me, I have no clue what Zumba is, or if this is an acronym for something like zebras under my bed always (which would not have anything to do with working out) or if it was a great and fun way to work out and shed the LBs. Either way I am totally on board with this and also will be re-starting Jillians bitch-out (aka work-out) and will be taking the lead of my nightly reads BigBottomBlogger, Ex Hot Girl, JewliaGoulia, Skinnytitch and more. I am embracing the low carb life...just suck the carbs outta my life! I am going to learn how to count calories and also learn how many I need daily and then how to eat sensibly. I will also be using the forthcoming wedding of my favorite person in the world as more motivation as I will be standing up with them at the wedding (whenever the set the date). As this date is quite important, (duh) I want to really look great and feel great! We have decided upon these hot little red dresses that would suit Jessica Rabbit and at this stage of the game I look more like The Queen of Hearys rather than Jessica Rabbit. Perhaps feeling so low is just what the dr perscribed? Any suggestions? Ideas? Knowledge to share? Ps: Mondays will also be Mandatory weigh in Mondays and I will be adding one of those fun weight trackers to my page and also when I learn the basics of food counting I may fo a food journal and find my passion in cooking with better food for me! Thanks for being there guys! It totally helped me recover from the reaction I received from hubs.