Dear Self, Hello Self, I hope you are well today...you seem to be a bit tense; however, I am not sure if it's related to the stress of the day or if it is your muscles cursing Jillian Michaels....Perhaps both; however, I have to say that you did look super cute while waddling into the kitchen to make your salad, or when you ran down the stairs when you heard your tweeter tweet. I know you are likely embarrassed that you froze while climbing the stairs this morning, but don't worry-those people who were behind you should be damned because they giggled..they didn't know how hard you worked and how you will use this pain to push through and how you still did it again tonight! I hope you know that I was actually a little proud of you for bitch-slapping the day after you completed Day 2! You have to know that I know what you are thinking and feeling, but I hope you do...I hope you feel great about it!!! It's only 28 days left and we have waited that out before when dealing with the booking policies we live our life by. The 30 day shred is 1 minetta booking policy and now has sliced its way to a Maialino/EMP or USC booking window...you got this girl!!! Next up a 3 week La Esquina window...that will be a special day on Christmas Eve!!! SOOOGUUUD! Anyhow, I thought you may want to know that your self if proud of yourself...talk to ya soon! Your best self... Well friends...today has been one fuck of a day!!! Where do I begin????? How about where we left last off...I finished writing and felt accomplished...I could take on the world!! Hubby comes home - looking a little sexy and I wanted to jump his bones; however, I maintained my composure...I showered (because I was all glistened - and I only like that after a little shemmina shemmninga jiggy jiggy). When I came downstairs, Dan was cuddled up with Princess Pineapplebottom jeans - a pussy he could handle at 12 am...and just look peaceful...I didn't interrupt one bit. We engaged in our usual banter... "how was your day" I ask "whatever, where are the chips?" he questions "I burned the bag at the same time as my bra..the dood held the gasoline while smelly lit the match..." no response...he is ignoring me. "oh, did you say you needed me to pick you up a pack of smokes?" I ask, trying to press his buttons because I don't get ignored... "ya - where are they?" he demands "sorry, I didn't get them. I bought the Vanity Fair issue with Edward instead...I hadn't had a chance to read it yet." I say the tone dripping with sarcasm. "Edw---what the fuck?" "danon, are you kidding me? you wasted money on a magazine with a 23 year old vampire?" I start to fantasize a little here...it's getting foggy as to what was being said, but i think it went something like "yes edward, anything you want...no, he's no one....my pool boy." "oh, i know I dont have a pool but I just feel better saying pool boy rather than sex slave..I thought you may think I was sensitive." "yes edward, I did buy your magazine...I forwent the thought of buying milk for the kids that call me mom; smokes for the man that calls me dear and food for the pussy that purs" all of a sudden I get tackled out of no where..Dan charged me and sorry folks but the rest is not really worthy of words....but I will say this...although I have never had a 3-some (and don't intend to either) Edward may have been the one to tackle me...no joke...when I came to, I knew it was my husband...my own brand of heroine....but for a second I would swear it wasn't. Well..sorry for the rant...but I got up super early, because smelly wasn't sleeping well and got everyone out the door by 6:45 am. I race to day care and to work and entered a "hellday" Although I really love my team - we really help each other out by easing the day with "smelly pirate hooker" comments and "Ga Ga what the fu-uk" chants...really, the team I work with rocks my Casbah! The day continued until I had officially forgotten to pee until 4:45 pm when I stepped away from my desk for the first time and noticed my ass cheeks were screaming at my quads...I think it was their first introduction. My armpits decided to jump into the mix and stage a war against anything Jillian Michaels....it was a good fight until my ass won! (finally size does matter on a woman!! I finish my day, call my hubby to say whats up and race to get the monsters!! We fly home like a bat outta hell (that drives a mini-van) and I start to prepare their dinner....sausage with penne, tomatoes, rapini, garlic and basil...I was drooling by the time I started to chop the garlic, but I resisted!!! I held back...I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE WINE!!!! The kids settled down into their meal and I went to make a salad...mmmm salad!!! salad that tasted like a bottle of amarone and a big ass steak with mushrooms and baked potato!!!! (wishful thinking) Then my phone started to go off the hook...I get all my notices on my phone and today I thought it was a little odd that in 3 minutes I got 13 emails through my personal account, 2 emails from this source and 4 people started to follow me on twitter....THANK YOU, keep following children...the light is at the end of the tunnel!! Bella and I changed into our duds and fire up the you tube session of Bitch on Wheels and we begin Day 2!!! Now, I am not a liar, but even the warm up totally sucked my nut! I mean, arm crosses and swirls are simple but today my breasts were in competition with the other and my triceps had taken a holiday...I felt like the friggen tin man in wizzard of ozz.."ooooillllcannnn" The warmup finished and it was strength time....holy fucken smelly pirate hooker!!! My quads are not happy, and I did the modified version of this workout...but I still did it!! I did all of the workout and wasn't totally dead at the end, but I will say that my body is barking and it will only be cured by rum n coke! Sorry, I am not perfect, but today is Friday and GOD DANG IT I will drink RUM!! The day is winding down nicely, the maid is cleaning the dishes and doing the laundry and the chef is making peanut butter chocolate mouse pie for the kids tomorrow and the bartender has served a fresh round of liquid gold. Happy Friday friends and don't forget to thinking about the Panty Pyramid...I have pitched the idea to a few people and I think you all will be completed gob-shocked if it actually works out....but it would be FUH-king amazing!!! Ka ka ka!!!! Ok, peeps..talk soon and tomorrow is Day 3 - let's keep the momentum going....