A long time ago, lived a girl named Danon.  She lived a life of almost normal proportions - she married a greata guy, had 3 lovely children and loved to write.  She also started to write a blog in order to claim back her life.  This blog, this little blog grew.  It grew and it grew and it grew until it reached 75 people following.

Danon started to really feel like she was doing something great for herself...you know.  She was happy and having great people visit her blog and really loving the whole blog world. Then she started to feel as if her life was consuming her. There were things going on in her life that she wasn`t equipped to deal with.  Her strength was being tested and she really needed to focus on what was going on - because it really mattered.  What she was dealing with, was the only thing that truly mattered.

Things tend to get chaotic typically.  Life really does sneak up on you in funny ways.  It pulls you left, right, up and down but still there is no way you can actually survive without letting some things slide.

Here`s where Danon weighs in her head what slides..

her time with the kids
time with the hubby
work
sleep
me time
family time
or the blog

well what she discovered was that she could try to rotate the things that slide.  currently her blog is suffering from cardiac arrest - she hasnt revived it yet but is trying desperately to.  I have been seeing the people who actually honoured me by following dwindle to 72 people  which means that there are 3 people out there who  didnt get what they needed from me - which makes me feel aweful.

3 people - thats like if I let the time that I currently spend with the kids slide that in 2 weeks they could leave me too

see...heres where the dilemma is...so my friends and trusted confidents... 
I am actually committed to making this blog work.  I really love the current memes that I have kickin - especially WTF Wednesdays - I am also totally loving the Panty Pyramid Blog a ton as there are so many women who have recieved their panties and are ready to get more...but I also have to learn balancing and planning.

So if I propose to you all that i will continue to post and be as consistant as possible - will you please stay with me

Cant wait to hear from you all and I am starting to update myself with the 600 plus blogposts that I have missed out on.

xoxo Danon

Happy Rex Manning Day!!!!


I don't have cupcakes, I don't even have any cardboard cut-outs; I do have the friggen movie Empire Records in my head and I also have the honour of finally announcing the winner for my first Give-A-Way!!!


I am totally going to keep the suspense going for a while though because my friend shared with me something pretty friggen RAD!!!!


So you know when you go to park into a spot but the mother-fucker who is on your left actually thinks their Toyota Trecel is a Show Car??


You know when you get home and see your neighbour parked over the friggen yellow lines and are part way onto your spot?


What about when you go to the grocery store, with your 3 kids when you have no food at home and it's 7;00 pm and all you need to do is park in the "for parents or expecting women" spot but there is an asshole parked in the last one?  The guy, who doesn't have kids - well maybe but a 15 year old doesn't qualify you...


These people have names Dumb-Asses or Arse-holes!!  And these people NEEDS to be put in their place!!



Why do you think it acceptable for me to get into my car from the passenger side door when you park too close to me??? Are you asking to get junk punched?  Do you want me to be rabbid when I see you??


No, I say you people MUST realize that this behaviour is just as unacceptable as pissing in public! 



We go to YOUPARKLIKEANASSHOLE.com and get the best thing you can have to defend agains A-HOLES!!!  go there now!  You will see a D/L 1 or 2 - I suggest 1


anyhow, what you get is this fantastic PDF  where you have several boxes to check off and you leave them with the respective ASSHOLES.  Take a picture and submit to them too -- and if you do share, share with me!!


This literally made my day, and while I was at work I printed 2 copies (so I had 6) and then I left and went to 5 different places where I gave them out!!! I left one....one very special one for the mother-fucker who parks in our visitor spot but doesn't back up all the way, so we have to weave through the spots to get to mine...the one I own!!!  Ya, you BITCH!  Im comin to get you!

what's up bitches? ya dig my new boyfriend...yah, eat your heart out...

Ok, so I know that I have been MIA for a whole week now; however, with going back to work, getting terribly sick and life, I have literally come home nightly and have passed out.  For lack of my reading your blogs, I am really sorry - one thing I must really say sorry for is missing my friend Sarah's (I RUN WITH SCISSORS) announcement of being the Featured Blogger at Lady Bloggers!!!

HOLY PANTS AND SHIRTS...I can't believe it and I am super excited for her...and now you should go see her at her blog and congratulate her.

NOW...

go...

vamos Dora y Diego!!

Ok, now that you are back (because I am sort of awesome)...

I haven't posted the VEEEENER for the Truth or Dare contest yet.  I am a fucking lazy whore who should be shot; however, I am doing the draw as we speak and I will announce with Sunday Morning Coffee Cross my heart!!!!

What else...I am doing great on the weight loss - I guess this is a side note; however, I am back in a 32 and it feels great!!!! (That is like a 10/11)  I really feel great and even bought myself some new digs for my upcoming trip to Boston!!!

I am also excited to inform you all that I have officially landed into the 20th century as we have cable again!  I can't believe that there are 4000 shows I have never heard of and about 40300 shows I need to catch up 3 years on.  If you have suggestions or reccomendations.  I am also starting True Blood next weekend and I am pumped as this little hot ass has told me all it and I want to see sexy hot vampires that are modern and hot.

Speaking of

NEW MOON TOTALLY CAME OUT YESTERDAY!!  I stood in a line-up for 30 minutes to get my copy so the girls could wake up and have Christmas morning all over again because I am a fucking great mother!! oh and they got to keep the free poster and bracelette.  HELL YA!!

ok, so enough about me, what about yous?  how was your week..what was the best post you have read this week - are there anythings that i should be aware of?  I need deets bitches!!!

ok, i am done..see you in the am!!!

xoxo

Danon

I WAS supposed to make out with blogs yesterday - but I didn't.

I WASN'T in the mood...

I WAS supposed to Give Gratitude today;
but I WOULD only blame returning to work.

I WILL post the winner of TRUTH or DARE tomorrow.
I WILL also tell you that I have sent out ROUND 3 of the Panty Pyramid yesterday
I WILL also be going to be in 8 minutes

but I DO promise that I will get my shit in order and will be back in control on Thursday...maybe!

Please stick with me cuz Im cute and I will talk with you all soon!

xoxo danon

Well, I made it through my first day at work!  It started with a walk in the rain at 5 am but ended with me feeling sooo happy to be back.  I really missed my friends and I missed my team and I missed my job. (did I just fuckin say that out loud?)  anyways...apparently I am still hungover...

Today I wanted to share a little story that I reminded myself of today while leaving a comment... For those of you who don't know me, I am a sarcastic person by nature.  Yes, I swear a lot and yes I poke fun of people who fall...but I also go over and ask if they need help.  I try to be an optimist and always try to find a solution...I just have fun during the process...BUT there is one thing I just can't fucking stand!!!

So guys n gals...tonight is my last night before I go back to work!!! I can't believe it...but for real..I am super excited!!!

I have had a friggen blast with you all this past month and guess what!!?!?  I have just hit 70 Stalkers!!!  Hi Stalkers!!!!!  Thank you all so much for your love over the past few months and I really am so happy!

Anyhow...enough about that mushy gushy stuff!!

I have some important things to discuss with you all!!!


1. Truth or Dare Give-A-Way!!!  no, I am not giving Madonna's secrets away...you have to learn them yourself...I am however giving away a great gift basket and I want you all to participate!  Here is the post where I introduced this exciting Give-A-Way...so you have only until MIDNIGHT on Tuesday March 16(ET) to enter!!!  All you have to do is click to be transported to this post...Yes, I extended this; however a few of my blogger friends had asked if they could have an extension as they didn't have the "techincal" props to fulfil...who am I to shame someone for not having "toys'!!!! sorry ladies who were waiting on Sunday...I just think its a lot of fun!!

2. I am also travelling to Boston soon!!! I am super excited; however, it's only for a one night stop for an awards dinner for work..(yay me!)  Anyhow, I want to know..are any of you Bostonians??? What is your favorite thing to do? Place to have breakfast? place to Drink? Shopping? I want to know it all!!! Please help a sista out as I have never been and I want to have a few ideas of things to kill the 4 hours on the first day and 4 hours the second...

3.  I have something that is seriously bugging me...I read this post...about a chef who was whoring out his wife's titty juice to make cheese from and I am still gagging.

Please read Julie's post, comment, interact...but really I want to know what you all think!!  Is this an accpetable form of use for titty-juice??? ugh...I think not!!  To Julie's post...lets see what you can do with poop!  Let's see cheffie...if you are sooo good that you can find a use for vomit...like really.  Ok, so you beat Bobby Flay (who is pretty great in his style; however..would you beat say Thomas Kellher with your TitMilk Cheese?? Um...nope!!

That is all friends....until tomorrow night (when I inform you all of what kind of day I have had) I hope you have a kick-ass night!!
xoxo

Insatiable Host

WOW!!!  I am really excited to inform you all that I have just been awarded the Sunshine Award.

Apparently my blowing sunshine up yer arses for so long has paid off!!! 

My newest archeological find T-Rexy has awarded me this wonderful award, and I am honured to accept!  I love awards, and I really love that you can find new blogs to read through them....

So, as I have just accepted this award, I must follow the rules or I will be cursed with bad luck for 5 years, get pregnant 5 times even though my tubes are tied and will also be eaten by a pack of 5 wolves...basically, I better follow the rules.

The Sunshine Blog Award is awarded to bloggers whose positivity and creativity inspire others in the blog world. The rules for accepting the award are:



Without further adieu:

Welcome to the Hicks Mix - Marilee...COME ON DOWN!!!!!! You're the first recipient of the Sunshine Blogger Award.  I am giving you this award for many reasons...you gave me my first ever blog award; you really are a beautiful person; and I feel that this may give you a little sunshine your way...and will hopefully light the rest of the way for you.

A Day in the Wife - Julie - COME ON DOWN!!!!!! You're the next recipient of the Sunshine Blogger Award.  I am giving you this award for many reasons also.  You were my first...yes, I was a blog virgin and you were there to pick up my spirits and tease me with your ways!  You had me a Laura Engles and leave me gasping for air especially with your last post about grooming!  I also have to give you this award because you are an amazing writer!  CH is lucky to have a RIDE or DIE bitch like yourself!

Who's That Girl? - Danielle - COME ON DOWN!!!! You're the next recipient of the Sunshine Blogger Award.  You my dear get this award because you're recent meme is amazing!  The reason behind this award is because of how creative it is...and really, it's so much fun!!  I really am lucky to have found your blog!!

...Transparent Mama - Brigetta - COME ON DOWN!!!! Your're the next recipient of the Sunshine Blogger Award. I am giving you this award because I just love reading your blog! I love your sock center-piece; I loved your son's proud moment of losing his fear and I think your posts are great!

Laundry Hurt My Feelings - Joann - COME ON DOWN!!! You're the next recipient of the Sunshine Blogger Award.  I am honouring you with this award because Gobble Gobble or not you are friggen amazing!  I am really still relishing your last post (because I just read it today) and I can't tell you how great it was.  I actually cut out an excerpt and gave it to my mother in her birthday card today!  I shit you not!!  Anyhow, girl!! Gobble Gobble!!

Hmmm...this part always gets me...the ABOUT ME section.  Well...let's give'er'a'go...

1. When I was 3 my Big Sista slammed my hand in a fire-proof door and my thumb got caught and was literally hanging by a string...it is now smaller than the other.

2.  I am really craving Lobster right now!!

3.  Along with that craving the craving for sushi has taken over my mind...I am literally drooling.

4. I have recently made out with a sock monkey...true story...check out HERE

5.  To this day, I get nightmares.  I can not watch horror movies in daylight with sunshine and lollypops around me...I will freak my freak out and will be done for!! I also get made fun of a lot for this (sad story I know)

Anyhoozle...that is it my friends...wrapping up some love that was given to me today!  Please go congratulate these amazing bloggers and spread some love to your fav's!!

So, as many of you have read my blog, you know that I have joined the Lady Bloggers Society.  I wasn't really sure about networking sites because really, I wasn't sure if people liked my blog (now, I know that you like it, but other people...like those people who have their Mommy Blogs, Health Blogs, Finance Blogs and such...the people who have a strong affinity for Jesus or other such important beleif systems...)  I was thinking that, if I join this site, what happens if no one likes my spice? 

Rather than think this way any further...I said eff it!  Why should I worry if someone doesn't like my blog...I do!  So I did it!  I joined, and daily I go to the site and comment, read the feature's, articles and tips.  I also check out other blogs..cuz you see it's a really great way to find great reads!!  It's how I fuel my "Make Out with Blogs Monday's" and have met some really great bloggers through the site.

I think that it's really important these days especially to be proud to be a woman!  To be proud to say, "I have done this on my own!"  In a time where no matter what you do or who you are, to know that there is always support and someone to listen...really makes me proud to have the logo on my site.  I think that being able to use our voices to give life to our days or experiences is fantastic!!!  I just feel like screaming..I AM WOMAN....READ MY BLOG!!!!
I have come to realize that joining these networking sites are really a great way to drive volume to your site - and sometimes you know...they actually come back!  Sometimes these bloggers become your followers...and sometimes they tell other people..see where it's heading???

So...if you are up for new readers, friends and support..why not give them a glance...you can even join them and participate in the Tea Social Sunday's or get some great tips on how to make your blog functional, enjoyable and full of great content...

If you want to learn more about the Lady Bloggers or to sign up, click HERE to do so, they already know you are coming!  When you go though, just let them know who sent ya!!  Cool?

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Happy Saturday frackers!!! 

I hope you all are doin well!  I know I hadn`t really been around but I have read all of my religious blog updates and commented and have also had time to find 3 great new blogs that I want to share with you on Monday!!  I have also had a day where I was just sitting infront of the computer wondering what to say...

I was literally speachless...I had. no. words...

Regardless, I then decided that I would like to have my blogsphere friends play a game with me...Truth or Dare...do you know it!!  Goodie!

Ok, so this is what you are going to do.  I have listed 10 truths and 10 dares, and in order of who posts a comment you must do the truth or dare and then comment back about the response or reaction...if someone has taken number 20, then you start again at 1. 
1. Truth:  When was your first time doin the nasty...How old, where, who...deets peeps...deets!!(better make it good - even if it was not!)
Task Completed by Welcome to Sara's Organized Chaos on THIS post
2. Dare:  Kiss a stuffed animal like it is your crush...again, need pictures for proof.
Task Completed by Sarah from I Run with Scissors on THIS post and just because I can't wait for you to see the proof

3. Truth:  who was your first crush...what happened...what did you do
Task Completed By Princess Aurora at Tales of a Frumpy Mocha Princess on THIS post.
4. Dare: Have a conversation with the chair and pretend the chair talks back. (video proof would be hilarious)
5. Truth:  What was the last CRAZY dream you had...then tell me what it means (this doesn`t have to be what it actually means, but I would like creativity)
6. Dare:  Think of five words that rhyme with your own name and them make them into poem. (this can not be the Name Game song (danon danon bo banon banana fana fo fanon fee fi fo fanon danon) each word must be a different word and if your name is orange...good luck
7. Truth: What is the most embarrassing thing you've ever done?
Task Completed by: Rectal Ventriliquism on THIS post

8: Dare: Take a picture of you or one of your friends standing in front of a 'parking in rear' sign while doing a dirty pose
9: Truth: If you had only 24 hours to live, what would you do?

10. Dare: I guess we all suffer from it, the dreaded "bed hair" when we first get up... normally the world doesn't get to see it..... not any more!!! Take a picture of you with bed-head and no makeup...let`s see it!
11. Truth: What is the silliest thing that you have said to your partner, while being intimate? Or...what was the silliest thing you have been told while being intimate?
12. Dare: This one is great...take a picture (video a la ``when Harry met Sally`` scores higher cool points) of your best fake orgasm face!
13. Truth: What is the wildest thing that you have done, ever?
14. Dare: Let`s see your best shaving cream or whipped cream face...literally put it on your face and make it funny..are you poppa smurf, santa, old man...Do it up (Gilette is great for this)
15. Truth: If you woke up one day and found that you have become invisible, what is the first thing that you would do?

16. Dare: I dare you to give me your best zoolander face.  For those of you who do not know who Zoolander is...
17. Truth: What is the best thing about your life right now?
18. Dare: Stuff as many marshmellows in your mouth as you can and then sing Right Said Fred`s ``I`m too Sexy`` - video it or just at least take a picture
19. Truth: What is one talent that you have, describe it.
20. Dare: Use your paint program and draw a self portrait.



Alright friends...here it  is...the give-a-way has begun, consider yourselves challanged!!!  Any questions you may have, let me know!!

If you come back again, please know that this isn't a shrine or anything creepy like it appears.
I have been reading your posts and "ask the blogess" for a while now, and really think that making fun of people is fun too.  I also think that Victor seems to have some resemblence (well at least in my head) as Mr. Big; however, I have re-named him Mr. Blog. 
I have also tried to ask questions that matter too; however, I have too many questions and perhaps you may ask me to pay you because you would feel like I may have mistaken you for a) someone who cares or b) a shrink...to which you may be both or neither...I am just not asking to avoid awkwardness.
I think that if you ever came to Canada, and had more than $20 bucks and wanted real Canadian bacon or at least to see that banks actually take this currency without making people do simple math, then you should come.  Perhaps you should also have a blog forum or something that would be amazing to actually see you in person and hear your advice about writing "professionally".

Blogess you have given hope to millions and made millions laugh.  You have enriched my vocabulary with words like Douche Canoe and Ass Clam.
You have made me better for reading your posts
You have made my blog better for being here...(as I think if I can sell the comment you left on ebay)and I thank you and promise I wont die.

Insatiablehost

The dictionary defines Portmanteaus as a single new word that has been made out of two or more distinct words.

Urban dictionary defines it by stating that almost anyone who can speak a language can fabricate words by butchering two perfectly good words and using cheap glue to form one ugly word

Society has created some doosies as of late and I have to say it, I can't fucking stand these...there are two people in these relationships, lets give them all the credit...

Branjolina
Beniffer
LesLo

you all know these; however, I have been finding that we bloggers are so much fucking better at this than those social media whores....


we have words like Craptastic, Crap-ton or Shit-ton we have created such words like Fugly or other fantastic words that I have been seeing everywhere are words like:


Mad Twatter - which is a chick who gives it up early
Twatterwhore - is a man slut who has many twats at a time (all twats knowing)
TwatSwap - is when said twatterwhore offers twat to other twatterwhore
(now, I can't take credit of these as my dearie Kirsten has created these..and she has a friggen goldmine of these ones)

We all know my favourite's
DoucheCanoe
AssHat
AssClamp
AssClam

Now I have spent days finding some amazing ones for you also...god the web is redonculous for finding shit! So here we go...Funny Words and Phrases Starting with A

ATF - afraid to fart


Absoludicrus - absolutely ludicrous


Angervate, angervated - "Very angry and agrevated, "You angervate me!"


Automagically - when something happens automatically as if by magic

You get my drift... Other such musings are words like this one that you just have to totally laugh out loud when you hear it because you know damn well you will try to in almost every 3rd sentence..


Procrastibating - To masterbate out of boredom, or to avoid work


I have also found that as of late the word BITCH has made it into my lingo and others around me; however, I just can't figure out which reason is behind what person said it...so here is a game that I like to call...





How you play is I have listed some acronyms for the word Bitch, and have also listed some people who have recently said it...you have to figure out who called me Bitch! now, don't peek..you try to figure this out...
B.I.T.C.H - Beautiful individual that causes hard-ons
B.I.T.C.H. - Beautiful, Intelligent, Talented, Charming, and Horny
B.I.T.C.H. - Being In Total Control of Him
Biatch -
Bizzatch -
bitch -






My mother
Seistor
Mr. Insatiable
referring to myself
the demon child (oh yes that would be critter #2)
my dearie Carrie Bradshaw


Answers...












Being In Total Control of Him - Mother
Beautiful Individual that causes hard-ons - Mr. Insatiable
Bizzatch - seistor (as a very enthusiastic greeting)
bitch - TDC...while she was screaming at me...oh yes, that was fun...
Beautiful, Intelligent, Talended, Charming and Horny - Me -- to Mr. Insatiable...
Biatch - Carrie Bradshaw...so dubbed for her great hair, journalism degree and lover of all things sarcastic and witty....




What are your favourite portmanteaus????