Sunday Morning Coffee: Adventures in Baby Snatching

Well, I made it through my first day at work!  It started with a walk in the rain at 5 am but ended with me feeling sooo happy to be back.  I really missed my friends and I missed my team and I missed my job. (did I just fuckin say that out loud?)  anyways...apparently I am still hungover...

Today I wanted to share a little story that I reminded myself of today while leaving a comment... For those of you who don't know me, I am a sarcastic person by nature.  Yes, I swear a lot and yes I poke fun of people who fall...but I also go over and ask if they need help.  I try to be an optimist and always try to find a solution...I just have fun during the process...BUT there is one thing I just can't fucking stand!!!


You know those type...the ladies who have that crazed look in their eyes, drool at the edges of their mouth...or a rabid animal.....Ladies who at the scent of a pheramone that has been fertalized run in your direction with their advice, savvy and comments....ya...BABY SNATCHERS!!!

<---crazy! but not a crazy baby snatcher

<--crazy baby snatcher

Anyhow, these psycho hose-beasts are those of which nightmares are made of.  I recall when I was pregnant with Sophia.  I was at the mall shopping for the new size titty holder that I had just grew into (I got up to a EE with her...and man that sucked!)  Anyhow, I was walking on the lower level minding my own business...with my pot belly sticking out (I was 6 months and looked about 9) and this BABY SNATCHER was within eye sight.  I heard her breathing get deeper and deeper; I could hear her heart beat accellerate; I saw the froth at the corners of her mouth...she was rabid and ready to pounce...but I though I could dodge a bullet and get out of her way...I was her prey and was being hunted.

NO FUCKING CHANCE...this cinderella doesn't get the glass slipper...

She caught me. soon as she came over to me cooing "oooooh...youuuur SOOOOOOO pregnant!!" and cackled...  'how far are you??? You must be ready to pop!"  she asked (still with the crazed look in her eyes) "Um..Im 6 months" I reply biting my tongue.  I'm sure she asked more questions and perhaps talked in different tongues but I couldn't hear her...I was too consumed with rage.  I was being Belly Raped and noone cared!

Then the whore grabbed my belly and started molesting it.  Rubbing it, talking to it...asking it questions... I was fucking furious because if you haven't guessed, I didn't know this lady!  Literally she grabbed my belly and without thinking twice about it.  What a dumbass! as I am the person who laughs at people when they fall...I thought everyone around me was laughing...but that SOMEONE would recue me.  Nobody came to help.

She finally stood up from talking to my stomach and I grabbed her tits.  I didn't do anything creepy but I just sat there with my hands on her tits..and said calmly "do you like that?"  "how far along are you?" "what are you thinking right now?"  You're fucking right I did!!

I couldn't believe first encounter with someone of the opposite sex and it wasn't kinky or anything.  But really.  Where does it come into someone conscience to think that this is socially acceptable?  Why did she think that touching my baby was somehow ok?  Even after Sophia was born, I had a bottle of sanitizer at the door so when FAMILY and FRIENDS came over, they would clean their hands before touching my baby...this lady...who knows where she came from?  She just saw her target and locked in!

I was a gonner from the moment she smelled my pregnancy; but I just hope that my good deed helped the other 5000 women that were either with child or with their child from this psychopath.

Fucking baby snatchers...


WannabeVirginia W. said...

Brilliant! Wish I would have thought of that when I was pregnant. Yeah, freakin' tummy molesters.

Kellyansapansa said...

I can't believe that people think they have the right to touch someone's stomach, just because they're pregnant. I wouldn't dream of invading someone's personal space like this - it's just so wrong. I love the way you dealt with it though!

Charlotte said...

LMAO!!! Omg, that's seriously creepy. I've never been pregnant but I'm extremely cautious of social clues and think I know how to acknowledge someone's pregnancy with grace (at least I hope so). I only touch the bellies of my friends (and only if they say it's okay) and I have never spoken to a naval. That's just weird. I can't believe this woman thought she was in her right to do so. I dunno how I would have handled the situation but I love your response. LOL!!

Great post, I will definitely stop by again soon. And thanks so much for visiting my blog!

Natacha said...

OMG! I cannot believe you did that?! and good on you! Wish I had thought of it! I hate it when people think they can touch you just because you are pregnant... it is creepy.

Smart Ass Sara said...

I have the "I really don't like you" look on my face anytime someone comes near me so thank god that never happened to me. One time I had someone ask me when I was pregnant how far along I was and since I was crabby I just said, "Excuse me? That is fucking rude. Just because I'm fat don't god damn assumed I'm knocked up" the look on her face was PRICELESS. Because I was 8 months pregnant. :)

Sarah With Scissors said...

that's freaking awesome... grabbing her boob. I will remember that for when I am pregnant and encounter a baby snatcher.

Alex said...

God, having 4 kids I've had every freak under the sun give me a comment I could not really give a crap about.

"Oh how far along are you?

"8 months"

"Wow, you're belly is so big."

"It's my 4 th kid"

"Wow. You're a sucker for punishment." Hmm.

F*ck off, stranger danger.

T-rexy said...

I don't even like getting hugs from my dearest friends. I'm not sure about having a baby after all- if people start touching me, I might be giving birth in the womens' state prison.