For the Love of Ray-J!!!

And now a note to you all about how much I have missed my cable. We all have those shows that life is not worth living without (for me is used to be Brothers and Sisters, The Sopranos, Entourage and Californication) but now, I don't get it.

As you know, we don't have cable and I have been toying with the idea of getting it because it's nice to sit down once in  a while with the family or Mr. Insatiable to watch a show...but lastnight, I turned on the antenae and got a few channels.  I was hoping that America's Next Top Model was re-playing  but instead I got to see this...

For the Love of Ray - J

For the love of Christ all mighty!! WTF? is this show!?!?  So I have only ever watched 1 season of the bachelor (the first one) and I prostitution!  Good for you for finding a loophole; however, When you take shows like For the Love of Ray J, Rock of Love and even Flavor of Love there is a certain "je ne c'est quoi?" about it all...

Ray want groopie love?  Do you want your love life to be to the soundtrack of your cheesie ass mac-daddy songs???  What the HELL are you thinking?  You're like what...21 and want to find the real clearly don't know what you are looking're just a playa oh-wo...(that's me singin')

After researching the show, I find that I watched season 1's premier.  This is where you meet 14 hoe's, see a lame performance, visit a mansion, meet a step-half-god daughter or sister who is watchin da hoe's and are introduced to the multiple split personalities that RayJ and da hoe's have...

We meet all these ladies who really, majority are beautiful.  They are all scantily dresses, lip glossed, pushed up, tucked and sucked in all the right places.  Then we hear them talk....

Now, in this video you'll notice something diferent about the introduction of these ladies...they don't have names...they are all given nicknames...and he says out right "I'm giving all these sexy ladies nicknames...ya know, incase I can't remember their real name"  WTF!!?!  You are really romantic Ray smoothe talker.  Seriously?  Nicknames?!

Cocktail - Joanna Hernandez - She works part-time as a cocktail waitress  (original)
Unique - Danielle Pastorino - The girls felt that her personality was very unique (AGAIN ORIGINAL)
Danger - Monica Leon - She has a tattoo of a tiger on her face and Ray J felt that she was dangerous (so much better than calling her Tattoo Face)
Chardonnay - Christa Nolley - Her favorite drink is Chardonnay (you'll also see images of her soon)
Feisty - Elizabeth Mendez - Her feisty personality
Cashmere - Leah Minor - Ray J thought she had nice skin so he said he wanted to wear her as a scarf (totally romantic right?!) 
Lil’ Hood - Chelsey Fatula -The girls felt that she was a little hood, but in a cute way (better than the name her friends call her Ghetto Barbie, r'iet) 
Stacks - Summer Smith -The girls said she had a big butt (wha..... nevermind)
Caviar - Elizabeth Ahmed - She was born and raised in Russia (and you can't understand her at all!!)
Stilts - Sharee Caldwell - She's very tall (imaginitive)
Genuine - Jillian Campbell - The girls felt that she was acting very genuine ( nothing says I'm into you like having another woman I'm mac'n give you a nickname that I'm gonna call you when we're in the dark)
Atomic Bomb - Jerri Vega - Ray J said her look was explosive (and she didn't even know what that was!)
Naturalle - Keyonna Patterson - Her breasts are all natural
Hot Cocoa - Ja'Wanna Waddy - Ray J felt that she could warm him up inside

Real nice...right!? Um.....sure... I wonder what my nick name would have been???

Now, this episode is from 2009 I have learned
 so you all may or may not have known about the travesty that is For the Love of Ray J...but I can not believe that you all haven't informed me of what was out there!!! This show is just...unbelievable!!

I couldn't stand it!! In the first episode we have 1 lady cryin tellin RayJ she is there "for love baby...and I didnt mean to play chu like that....y'know's just like...m'kay boo" and then there's the typical drunkie who sings and strip dances to "shorty gots tricks; shorty gots gifts; shorty gots everythang!"

Yah! Now picture that ba-dunka-dunk bouncin up and down!!!

We also see Ray J's wild side at this point...(oh and I forgot to tell you that he also had another wardrobe change into his white fur jacket) Yes, while the women are wearing bathing suits and dental floss, he is sporting a fur coat...clearly..he's so damn hot that these gals need to cool off!

Now, the drinks keep flowing, the girls keep dissin' and we start to see just how "fu-realz" these girls have those that are there for the booze, to schmooze and to lose! There also seem to be a few women who aren't the typical groopie whore. They actually have class and style. They appear genuinely offended when Chardonnay "drops it like it's hotter than hell" and indicate that while they may be able to "get down" they know where and when...

...when you're in your room by yourself eating a banana and making yourselfinto a sundae for the camera guy

I'm sorry, but I think this is what you call an "indy soft-porn" film...

We also see that the chick drama is about to heighten when Ray J is attacked by 5 women at once, ripping at his clothes and his face being attacked by the little Feisty one who calls him a "mini"...Yup..."you're so cute, you're like a mini" oh boy!

Now...I can't really go further with this because I have already ruined the majority of suspense you all had; however, when we get to the end of the evening, we have the traditional "boot da hoe" ceremony. Now rather than roses or shooters...Ray J gives his ladies a glass of champagne...

Nothin says "baby are you in it for the Love of Ray J" like a glass of Crystal!

I couldn't help but notice something though...

What the eff were the bracelettes the ladies were wearing?? Proof of age of majority? There were too many hoes that were under age applyin for the luv? I couldn't believe it...was it high tech loaded with a motion detector, did they have their "ankle braclettes removed and swapped for a groopy chain?"

Oh, for the Love of Ray J...what is next???

Wait...I don't want to know...

xoxo Insatiable Host


Smart Ass Sara said...

OMG- You need to see "A Shot At Love with Tila Tequila". You will die because it's men AND women "competing" for Tila's love. It's like the skankiest thing ever. It puts all the rest of them to shame AND makes you want to lysol your tv, remote, and yourself. AND get a STD test. :)

WannabeVirginia W. said...

I feel your pain, sista. Although, I has cable, t.v. has gone to shits. Nothing worth watching, Thursday night line up has gotten so annoying.
CSI - Grissom gone. Show Suck.

Gray's Anatomy - can't stand Meredith, she needs to die.

Private Practice - No idea what is happening there.

Do you see my pain?

Bros and Sis - I love the show, haven't seen it since the Olympics.

Julie, The Wife said...

I am with you Sara! I watched about 20 minutes of Tila and then I got my things in order because I knew the end was near. It's icky with a side of warming lube.

sarah @ i run with scissors said...

wow... you've actually made me curious.... and horrified...

I'm going to have to rubber neck at this traffic accident because now I might not be able to look away.

Amanda said...

OK. This girl in the banana? I need to wash my eyes out with bleach now. Sick. Why do people go on these show? I cannot deal. Although i do love the Bach.