WTF Wednesdays?!?!! Wax Therapy

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Hello friends...today is that special day of the week when I let you in on some pretty horrific experiences and encounters that I have heard of, lived, made up and thought happened but wasn't really sure...

I know you all have had those moments too, right????....Oh, it. is. only. me??? Well, fuck the dog! I thought I had soul sisters out there..Whatever, I'm no crying fool.

Today's WTF comes from my eldest sister...we calls her Big Momma here.  It is titled



So Big Momma is an Esthetician...she is really great at it too...she's kinda a mix between that star waxer that Salma Hyak goes to to get her brows done and your best friend kinda combo...Anygirdle...so while she was in training many moons ago, she was in her "clinical" slot of the day.  This is where they actually would work at the schools spa.  Women, men, children would all go here because you could get any treatment done without having to pay a shit-ton for the services. 

Anysnatch, on this particular day Big Momma was working at the front as receptionist.  She had hosted and toasted everyone on thier way in, and sent them off to the treatment rooms that they were to be done in.  This was a natural occurance...aside from when she heard a woman calling "help me help me" from one of the "waxing rooms".  She retells the story so much better than I could ever breath life into it with words; however, just imagine the scene in the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy Meets the Tin Man..."oooooil can" says a muffled voice "oooooooil caaan"  ya, this is how that poor woman was asking for help.

Anydink, I guess I should start by telling you that this lady was going into the salon for an L & A...Lips and Assholes folks..nothing to be ashamed of...her hairy taco needed waxing and she wanted to make sure that the key hole was taken care of also.

Big Momma knocks on the door and asks the lady if she was ok..no answer.
Again..."yo bitch, you ok?" (not really but that would be funny)

Finally she responded."....its stuck...it's fucking stuck!!!"  Big Momma rips open the door and finds this lady sort of like this...(minus the creepy bald guy)


Well..sort of..., the poor lady had both her legs up in the air; however, the POINT here is ladies..her poor taco was waxed SHUT!

I dont know if you ever have been waxed...I mean I have had it done, and it's not the best feeling or anything; however I have never waxed my lips shut before and I am thinking that after I finish telling you this horrific story you may never do it.

Big Momma had paid attention in school.  She knew what the process was to be like and that although waxing your twat isn't going to be a zen-like experience, it wasn't to be maschistic either.  She also knew that if your bush was more

than

There are certain duties your esthetician must do.

Step #1 - tidy the area..to ensure that any residue in the area is cleared of residue
Step #2 - apply the wax in a thin layer in the areas...

This is not rocket science...right?

Ok, so some of the other important Cautions they teach you in Taco Waxing school is ...

Do not wax hairs if they are longer than a quarter of an inch in length. That will cause unnecessary pain, and will most likely prevent hair removal. Trim them shorter prior to applying any wax. Cut the hairs to about half an inch for coarse hairs and a quarter inch for fine hairs.

(This, coming directly out of her manual)

Well...what Big Momma found was this poor ladies lips were waxed shut.  The wax was pretty much cool and there was no pulling them apart.  To this day, I have no idea why the esthetitican would leave the treatment room while wax was on this lady's bird; however, it is years past and I can't have all the answers for you. 

What Happened Next you may be gasping while protecting your snapper...

Big Momma had to help this lady...right?!  I mean any self respecting woman could not just leave like the skag that did this to her...(Oh, ya, I'll get there my pretties) She first iced her down as there was conciderable swelling; however, she didn't ice the lips, just the outer area where the forrest was but not wax.  She then had to relax the lady so she pressed around her pressure points in her hand as the lady was starting to get freaked out...

Next step was reheating the wax.  Yup I said it...she had to retorment this poor lady.  So on they go...reheat and rip.  re-heat and rip.  By the end of the 3 hour treatment, this ladies lips looked worse than a case of herpies.  She was blistered, bruised and bleeding...

This story doesn't really get much better, because you  may have noticed somewhere between this lady went to the treatment room and Big Momma coming to the rescue we lost our esthetician...What happened to her?  She left and didn't return....like she had this evil sinsister plan to wax the next bitch she serviced's hoohaa shut for making her clean up assholes...REALLY...True story...

I just can't imagine having my vag sealed shut.  I mean,  WTF!?!?!?!


Do you have any horror spa stories?  Was this woman you!!! Can you comment about it?! 

If you also like the idea of WTF Wednesdays and want to feature it on your blogaroo, let me know, I'd love to Pimp Out your Blog...I will have to learn how to linkey this stuff...


5 comments:



Miss Marilee said...

oh my goodness....I seriously almost peed my pants laughing!!!! NOT cool!!!!! =) I love you, lady. Seriously. Don't ever change!

Dual Mom said...

Oh sweet jesus the poor woman! I used to get brazilians on a regular basis but NEVER had anything even remotely like this happen!

Smart Ass Sara said...

This right here is why I would never do this. Because that would be me. And I'd be kicking. I'd need a tranquilizer. And somebody would have their asses kicked and be jobless. Just sayin.

Suzanne Westover said...

I have one: But I think it is going to take way too long to write in the comments - look for it on my blog, but I am going to make it about my *friend* because I don't have the perk of anonoblogging or anonoblogation or bloganonomy... Boo-yah. That's the name of the post.

Natacha said...

You had me screeching with laughter with my legs were very tightly crossed! Oh, and it appears there is another trend on the way, check this out http://www.stylelist.com/2010/01/13/jennifer-love-hewitt-swarovski-crystal-vajazzle/... interesting?!